Leaders Listen.

Whether you find yourself leading your home, or leading a church or an organization... LISTENING is a huge factor in successful leadership.

As I said in a previous post, I attended an amazing conference this weekend, The Gospel Coalition's National Women's Conference, in Orlando Florida.  I actually happened upon the article, on their website while I was killing time.

This quote jumped out of the article at me, as if it was written in crimson lettering.

Godly leaders must listen to Christ, who is their Head (cf. Eph. 4:15). But godly leaders must also listen to the people they lead (cf. Acts 6:1-6.)

                                                                                        Leaders Listen  by Jen Pollock Michel

It is important that as leaders we are in fact listening to God first, just as the article suggests.  Yet too often we forget to listen to those we are leading.  The article is really written toward men, Pastors, about listening to the women in the church's needs.  Indicating that since they are male, do not understand those needs by nature, they really need to listen to the women in order to understand their needs & be able to provide them.

But, my thoughts went beyond that, into our homes, our families, our relationships with others, and our own leadership of other women.


There is a difference between leading from in front vs. directing from above.


If you missed the link the article CLICK HERE

Movement.

This weekend I attended The Gospel Coalition's National Women's Conference, in Orlando FL.   The woman who arrived, and the woman who left... simply are not the same person.

Prior to this conference, I was in a "state of shift".  My friend, Jane, coined that phrase in reference to that time period where you know that a change is going to happen, but you are not sure what it is.  And, I think it's a pretty good description.  If you have ever driven a manual transmission car (aka stick shift, or 5 speed) you will know shifting is the act of moving from one gear to the next.  You start in first gear, shift to second, and so on. 

When you drive a manual transmission car, there is a cue that it is time to shift from one gear into the next.  In the past, you would watch the RPMs to know when to shift.  In the more modern, smart cars, there is an indicator to let you know to shift (aka "the dummy light").  But for those of us who have been driving manual cars for a long time, we can actually feel a change in the car, it tells us that it is time to shift.

The good news is that with a car, you know where you are shifting to.  The next gear.  However, in life, when you start feeling that need to shift....  you are not always certain where you are shifting to.

It is exciting.

It is, also, terrifying.  

The unknown.

By the end of the conference, I was no longer in a "state of shift" but instead I was in forward movement.  Some very clear directions were delivered to me.  I have a place to shift to.  I still don't know the final destination, but that is ok.  When driving a manual car, you don't shift from first gear to fifth.  You have to work up through the rest of the gears first.

I have a lot to say in the coming weeks about the conference itself, so I'm leaving a bit of a cliffhanger. 

But right now, I sit back in awe.  Listening to the Word of God.  Following His directions for today, and letting tomorrow worry about itself.

Stranded

It was one of those moments that can send a parent into a panic.  My van wouldn't' start.  I was stranded at home. My children were not.  I was leaving the house to pick them up from VBS and the van wouldn't start.  My children were stranded at the church.

I left a message for one of the volunteers.  But, the longer it took for me to hear back, the more panicked I was.  Thus began a mass of phone calls and text messages to every volunteer I knew would be there after the initial exodus of parents and children.  Every parent that I knew would be there picking up their children.  Particularly the ones I knew would most likely linger to talk or help afterwards.

All of this despite my knowledge that my children were safe, couldn't possibly be in a better location for this to have had happened, full of people who would know something must have happened for me to not be there.  I knew that someone would notice my children, and even if everyone I reached out to didn't see my number or text on their phones, I'd be getting a phone call from the church.  I knew my children wouldn't be left behind.

Yet I was a wreck.  I was in a panic.  I just needed to know that someone got my message.  I needed that reassurance to settle my panic.

The enemy knows what buttons to push.  He knows the things that upset us, worry us, concern us and frighten us.  He will use this knowledge to find ways to disrupt our peace, corrupt our thinking, obscure our clarity and tear at our hearts. 

Isaiah 41:10 reads  "Do not panic.  I'm with you.  There is no need to fear because I am your god.  I'll give you strength.  I'll help you.  I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. 

Father God, you are faithful to your promises and your word tells us that no word from you will ever fail.  In my weakness you are my strength.  In my pain you are my comforter.  Help me Lord, to ignore the influence of the enemy and rely on your word.  Help me to abandon my fears and worries and keep my trust in your promises.  I have nothing to fear, for you are my protector, my refuge, my rock and I lay my burdens at your feet.  Amen.

* Written By Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotions

Can a marriage be saved?

It's a cliche that we hear in movies.... "We don't have anything in common anymore."

It's usually the line that precedes the break up of a couple.

So, what happens when you find yourself in that position?

It happened in a conversation one evening, between a seemingly happy married couple.  He wanted physical intimacy, and that need was not being met.  She wanted emotional intimacy, and that need was not being met.  In what started as a heated argument about who should bend and catch 22's... "if you... then I..." statements.  It happened.

She said:  I don't feel connected to you.  You are at work all day.  Distracted when you get home for hours.  I feel ignored the better part of the evening.  Then when we come to bed, you thinking watching a 30 minute tv show together is enough.  I feel disconnected from you, I feel like you give me what you have left over instead of your best.

He said: You are right.  I don't know you anymore, and I haven't made the effort to.  "We don't have anything in common anymore".

Her heart sank.  Those words always lead to divorce.

She got very quiet.  Tears streaming down her face.

After a pause, he continued:   That is not good enough.  I have to change that.


What made me share this conversation, was the introduction I had been given to a website that focuses on the effects of divorce upon children.  It made me think about my parents divorce.  It made me think of some of our most difficult moments in our marriage.

I believe, firmly, that most marriages can be saved.  Even when we don't have anything in common anymore.  We don't have to walk away.  We just have to make the choice, to take a chance and make a change.

When I first met my husband we had 2 things in common.  The first was our group of friends, and the second was skating.  I was a skater girl and he was a skater boi.  Ha.  Other than that, I knew no other things that we would have in common.  It came over time, conversations when we were out with our friends.  Conversations when we were dating.  We learned there were a LOT of things we had in common.  Over the years, to be honest, my husband's interests haven't changed much.  Mine have.  I am not the same woman he married.

He has two choices.  He can leave, or he can get to know the woman I have become.

My husband chose the latter, and made the decision to begin dating me again.  Getting to know my interests, trying to have conversations with me about what he thinks I may be interested in, etc.

I have two choices.  I can leave things as is, being strangers in our own home.  Or, I can let him in & start introducing him to the things that interest me.

I chose the latter.

And that is what marriage is... not just a commitment, but a choice to continue that commitment, to reshape it, to learn about each other all over again.

Can a marriage be saved?  Yes.

You just have to be willing to do the work.  Some will require more work, more time.

What is really important? God.

I was reflecting back today on a great piece of wisdom.  For Mother's Day, we held an intimate celebration at our church.  We invited a panel of "moms" from the church to speak, instead of hiring in a professional speaker.

We gave them some leading questions.

What did you expect motherhood would look like?
What has motherhood been like in reality?
What advice do you give to moms?
How did God get you through this journey?

We had a variety of women.

The veteran grandmother.
The new grandmother.
The woman who was diagnosed with PPD.
The woman who had a child diagnosed with a disability.

You get the picture.

It was the last speaker, the seasoned grandmother, who said something that struck me as really profound.

In a nutshell, she said the only thing that is important is God.  That we introduce them to God, that we encourage the relationship with God.  That we remain consistent in our relationship with God.  That we are a positive reminder in their life of the goodness of God.

Their education, is great.  But not the most important thing.
Their participation is sports and activities, great.  But not the most important thing.
Totally healthy, organic diet... wonderful.  But not the most important thing.

And the more she spoke, the more I realized the VERY THINGS WE ALLOW TO DIVIDE US A CHRISTIANS.... are the very things that are not important.

Maybe they just don't want it? Or even need it?

A huge challenge that faces Women's Ministry teams is connecting with our younger counterparts.  They are the young women who are no longer part of the youth group, but not ready for the MOPS group.  They may be college aged, or in the early to mid thirties.  They are possibly married, maybe still single.  They have no kids.  No commitments.  They may have some disposable income, or on a fixed budget.

Regardless, the idea of coming to a Women's Ministry brunch is not appealing to them.

They see it a comfort food potluck.
Full of fancy decorations or shabby chic had made pieces.
They see tea, coffee and lemonade.
The speaker talks about marriage problems, friendship problems, kid problems.

This doesn't appeal to the young single woman, who is going out dancing on Friday Nights, taking boat trips on the weekends, hanging out a wine bar with her friends, or shopping with her sisters.  She has dates to go on, possibly to meet Mr. Right.  Her friends are getting married & she is part of that team.  She hops on planes and travels to exotic locations.

She doesn't want to get up early on a Saturday morning, her only day to sleep in.

What does Women's Ministry do to meet these women?  They start peppering in "Ladies Night Out" events where they go to a pottery class or art studio.  They invite women from the church to share their testimonies versus hiring in speakers on special topics.  They update their decor.  They reach out to these young women at retreats.  But yet, this doesn't seem to be enough to engage them for long term relationships in the ministry.

We then start trying new things... ice skating at night, or a dinner out.  Yet the young women don't show.  And the older women don't either.  They plan a brunch at a local restaurant to remove the pressure of cooking, it doesn't change the demographic of women who come. 

Leaving a Women's Ministry team to wonder:  What they are doing wrong?

I'm going to pose the idea that we are doing NOTHING WRONG, EVERYTHING RIGHT.

I am coming to a place where, I think, I understand the issue.  The issue is we are trying to include people who do not need or want to be included.  This is not something we should be offended by either.  It is ok if they don't come.

Women come to Women's Ministry events for about 4 general reasons.

1) Obligation.  Some come simply because they think they are supposed to. 

2) Desire to Connect. They come because they want and even need the fellowship, they are looking to make friendships with other believers. 

3) The Speaker or Subject.  They come because the speaker is their friend, and they are supporting her.  Or because the topic the speaker  is of interest.  Or for the "ladies night" activities, they come because they like to paint or go kayaking.

4) They Seek Jesus.  They are looking to learn and relate more to Jesus in a less intimidating setting.  Perhaps they are not ready to dive into a small group or bible study class.

On the other hand, women do NOT come for the exact OPPOSITE reasons.

1)  Not Obligated.   They don't feel an obligation to come.   It could be because they see it as antiquated and for the older women in the church.  Depending on their history, they may have been raised in a church that didn't have an active women's ministry. 

2) They are Already Connected.   Generally speaking the younger women have circle of friends who are just like them.  They have not entered that new area of adulthood where marriage, kids, finances and other obligations are consuming their time and energy.  They have friends, through college or church, already.  Their "dance cards" are full. 

3)  The Speaker or Subject, is Irrelevant.  As a young, unmarried, childless, woman.... these topics may not even be on her radar yet.  Rekindling your marriage, navigating motherhood, creating friendships... are simply not important.  YET.

4)  She Seeks Jesus.  She comes to church.  She is part of a young adults group, or even still helping out as leader with the Youth Ministry.  She is reading her bible at home.  She even has more time to go on missions trips and conferences, because she doesn't have the same restraints on her time, as the married mom or wise grandmother.  Women's Ministry events are not her path to Jesus.

So, how did I come to these conclusions? 

It was really quite simple.  I reached out to a bunch of women who fit the demographic we were looking to connect with.  I asked for their input.  I was really direct, that we as a ministry felt we were failing to meet their needs.  I asked for what we could change or what types of activities would appeal to them.

Time passed.

Nothing.

Literally, NOTHING.

For a long time.

Then, a brief email popped across my inbox...

"I'm just seeing this, sorry.  I'll think about this and get back to you."

And, I'm still waiting.

That was when it hit me.  Women's Ministry was not important to this demographic.  Not because Women's Ministry isn't important. But rather, because this particular group of women don't need it.

Not yet.

One day, they will.

And we will be to welcome them.

She didn't change. She was wearing a mask and it fell off.

I read that as part of a quote the other day.  It really got me thinking.

There is a little girl in our neighborhood, and she is the one who is "in the know".  If you want to know anything about the kids your children play with... you need to find this child amongst their circle.

One day, I started asking her some random questions.  Very casually.  I now know everything I need to know about which friendships to encourage & which to discourage.

There was that one particular girl in the neighborhood that I was suspicious of.  She was always nice and courteous.  However my instincts could not be swayed, there was something unsettling about her. I had no proof.  Until our "in the know" kid was able to fill me in.  She concluded her tale with the fact this girl had changed, and she just didn't like who she had become. 

Now, I think that quite possibly the truth was:  "She didn't change.  She was wearing a mask and it fell off."

I was suspect of her, because of age, wisdom and experience.  But to a child, it appeared that she went from a "good friend" to a "bad friend".

Today, I had lunch with a friend.  A few years ago, one of her friendships ended.  I asked her, "Did she change?".  My friend replied, "I don't think I knew who she really was.  I think she hid her real self very well."

All of this perspective has me examining my past relationships with people.  I had always felt that the reason our relationships ended was because something had changed.  I now wonder if these people really changed, or instead did their mask fall off.  I finally saw the person behind the mask.  

As I get older and wiser, I seem to be figuring these things out faster.  And, I wonder....

Is the mask falling off sooner... or am I knocking it off?

A Miserable Life

Jennifer Rothschild tells it like it is:

CLICK HERE TO READ 5 TIPS TO LIVE A MISERABLE LIFE

http://www.jenniferrothschild.com/5-tips-on-how-to-live-a-miserable-life/

#4 is probably one of my most difficult flaws to over come.  I don't ALWAYS feel this way.  But, when I am in conflict with someone, I can take everything they say or our mutual friends say personally... as if it is related some how to the conflict.  When in truth, it is totally unrelated. 

In what felt like a second, I was done. Broken. Mending.

Throughout the Old and New Testaments there are instances where people literally were so upset that they tore at their clothes.  In all instances it came at a time where a person was so distressed, so grieved by what was happening around them, that they literally tore at their clothing, sometimes stripping them off and other times leaving them in shreds.  

There were instances where this occurred because someone was mourning a death.  Others were instances where someone anointed by God was mourning over the behavior of those around them, particularly in response to lack of faithfulness or disobedience by God's people.

Joel 2:12-14
“Even now,” declares the Lord,
    “return to me with all your heart,
    with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

¹³ Rend your heart
    and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
    for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
    and he relents from sending calamity.
¹⁴ Who knows? He may turn and relent
    and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
    for the Lord your God.

Rend = tear (something) into two or more pieces.

The Lord wants us to come to Him with our broken hearts.  And more importantly God wants what breaks our heart, to be the same thing that breaks His.  Because, when we are broken for God... we are bound to act on His behalf to heal those wounds.

We feed, clothe and shelter the needy.

We rescue those in despair.

We support and encourage the broken in spirit.

While my heart breaks for these people.... I have never been broken to the point of tearing at my clothes for them.  I never understood that part of scripture, being so broken by this world that I would literally tear at myself, with my own two hands.    

Then it happened the 1st time.  But, I admit I wasn't grieved for God.  It was a result of an argument with my husband.  It was the only time, he ever walked out of our bedroom and slept on the couch.  The argument was stupid, to be honest, we were both wrong in allowing something so ridiculous to escalate to that point.  I began to weep in a way that I had never known in my life.  And I felt my hands grasping at my clothes.  My husband heard my cries and returned to me.  He could feel my despair, he was broken by my tears.  We apologized and reconciled.  It has never happened again.  But I learned a lot in that moment, I learned how much I loved my husband... more than I ever realized. I realized how important our marriage was to me.  I also realized and accepted my part in what brought us to that moment.  I saw the man whom I was angry at, return to me and become tender and compassionate.  I saw him accept his role in our argument.  We vowed to never come to this place again.  And, we haven't.

For the first time, I understood the actual physicality of that type of grief, mentioned in the bible so many times.    I understood what it meant to be so broken that you would literally tear the clothes off your body.  It would be several years later that I would experience this grief again, but this time... I was not grieving for myself.  I was grieving for God.

It had been a culmination of things.  I was being hit from different directions by Christians in my life, who were claiming to know what a "good Christian" does and doesn't do.  In some cases they were united in their attack on a certain subject, in other times they were divided.  Through online media sources, I would see more and more about Christians attacking other Christians.  People who are good willed, good natured people... just trying to get it right.  My heart began to break.  Slowly.  Then, all at once.  I was overwhelmed by emotion.  I found myself in my hall way, leaned against a wall, tearing at my clothes and weeping.... deep heaping sobs.... the only words coming out of my mouth were to God... asking "WHY?"

I can't even tell you how long this happened for, it felt like an eternity.  My heart was literally broken.  I spoke my heart to God that day. 

A week or two later, I was taking a spiritual gifts test.  When it came time to look at my scores, I wasn't really surprised by the results.  Gift of Administration, yeah.. I saw that coming.  But I was very sad, as I saw my score for Evangelism was so low.  I went to my mentor, to discuss this with her, because I was obviously failing at the great commission.    I mean, how do we go out and share the gospel... if we don't... go out... and share the gospel.    

It was in this conversation with my mentor, for the first time, I vocalized my broken heart for the church.  I told her that I found myself with greater concern over the division within the church, than I was about those who were not believers.  As we explored this topic... I broke down in tears.  She asked me why I was crying, and I said "It breaks my heart, because they should know better."

After a hug and some encouragement, and my lamenting that I really wished we had a person writing to churches on behalf of God.... she said, "You need to pray about what to do with this."

She didn't try and change me, or point me in the direction of evangelism.  She recognized that my heart was breaking, for something that was breaking God's heart.  The question was, "now what?".

I do not feel of any authority to write any particular church.  Who would listen to me?  Who am I?  But the question of "now what?" lingered.

My broken heart could not be mended if I sat complacent.  Indecisive.  Wallowing in my grief.

I prayed for peace.

Then I did the exact thing that people who have a gift for administration and teaching would do... I researched.  I turned to google with search topics like "letters to the churches of America"... "broken for the churches in America"... "the church breaks my heart".  

I found two very surprising things.

1) I was not alone.  There are others who are grieving with me.  Other people who were broken hearted about how we were treating one another, how divided we were.  Wondering, where was the unity that we should have in Christ?

2)  Not a single one of these letters were filled with any sort of hate speech.  There were not letters written by churches like "Westboro Baptist Church".  These were letters filled with love for God, love for people, and great pain at what was being witnessed in the church.  Written by every day people like you and I.

And as I poured through blog posts, articles, pastors websites, etc.... everything funneled back to one thing....DIVISIVENESS.

We, as a church, are supposed to be UNITED with each other UNDER God's authority, UNDER the blood of Christ, and UNDER the direction of the Holy Spirit.

We, as a church, are supposed to be IN the world, but not OF the world.  To stand apart from the world, to be seen as different.... salt, light.  Yet, not to be absent from it, walled up in our cities built by man made rules, regulations, and standards. 

We, as the church, are too busy fighting amongst ourselves about the most ridiculous of subjects, that we are seen as nothing more than hypocrites, fools and full of hate.

No wonder the world sees us as hate filled... when we can't even love our brothers and sisters in Christ!

We stand divided on issues that in the grand scheme of salvation bear NOT ONE SHRED OF IMPORTANCE.

God, doesn't care if your baptism is a sprinkle or a dunk, in a cement baptismal or in the open ocean.  

God, doesn't care what the name of your denomination is, so long as it is a bible believing & teaching church.  

God doesn't care how you feed your babies, teach your children, decorate your home, as much as he cares that WE HAVE OUR EYES TURNED TO CHRIST!   In fact, that is the ONLY THING that matters.  That is the ONLY THING that is important.  

We care.  We think our way is right, best and we will defend it against anyone who questions otherwise.... and even those who don't.  In fact we are almost offensive with it.   Not offensive, as in rude, inappropriate.  But offensive, like in football.... aggressive.  

I realized that God was breaking my heart for what breaks His.  He is broken over the divisiveness in our churches and amongst Christians.  He is broken hearted over the infighting between each other, which keeps us from being the love, light and salt He asked of us.  We put so much effort in defending ourselves and our beliefs/traditions/denominations/etc.... that we have nothing left to represent him with.

We are told in the scriptures to clothe ourselves with kindness, gentleness, compassion, etc.

Yet we spew venom at each other.

We are told in the scriptures to think of what is good, noble, pure, worthy, etc.

Yet we spend our time pointing at everything that is "wrong" in the world, without pointing to what is right.

We are told in the scriptures that the blessed are the meek, the poor, the peacemakers, etc.

Yet we spend more time attacking others and defending ourselves, than loving and helping.

We have allowed topics like... baptism procedure, bible translations, schooling choices, baby feeding, become SPIRITUAL debates.  We fight amongst each other, and take our eyes off of Jesus.

And the scariest part to me?  We don't realize it is happening.  We stand in our righteousness, not realizing we are being played by Satan ... like puppets on strings.

The battle is not between YOU and I over human decisions. The battle is between US and Satan. Because ANYTHING that distracts us from Jesus, is a victory for him.  Anything that causes division between us, creates division between us and Jesus.  Anything that causes us to sin against each other, creates a veil between us and God.  Anything that causes us pain, pains God.

WE break God's heart every day.

And we, as His children, hurt Him more than any non-believer.    When a neighborhood child said "I hate you" or disobeys my rules, I don't like it.  But, it's not a big deal to me.  You can't follow my rules, you are not welcome here. End of story.   But, when one of MY CHILDREN says those words... or disobey me... it hurts.  When I hear one of my children yell to their sibling "I hate you".... it hurts.  My heart breaks, and I immediately intervene and being the process of reconciliation. 

I imagine God feels even worse, when He witnesses fighting between us... His children.

My heart broke over the divisiveness in the church, amongst Christians.

And I am done.  I can't change you, but I can change ME.

I can only mend my heart by loving, as God has called me to love.  By giving the same mercy, grace, love and compassion that God has given to me. 

I will not be a divisive Christian any longer.

I choose to be focused on my own sins, my own shortcomings.  I have enough to work on in myself, I will leave YOUR WORK to the Holy Spirit.

I will show people Jesus, I will show them Christ through my actions and my life.  I will not try and sell them on my version of Jesus & what living with Christ looks like. I will let the Holy Spirit do that.  I'll just handle the introductions & love them.  Any work that has to be done, will be in my life and my house.  It's time for me to start whittling away at my plank.

 

Bitterness

This is another great opportunity to share what someone else has figured out so successfully.  You could really apply this to just about any relationship.

Marriage.
Friendship.
Neighbors.
Co-workers.

When someone has gotten to the point where everything they do annoys, irritates or frustrates you... if you no longer can see them in a good light, as a good willed person... it's time to examine the bitterness you have allowed to grow in your heart.  And be honest about the hurt it has caused.

CLICK HERE TO OPEN THE LINK:  I ALLOWED BITTERNESS TO GROW IN MY HEART
http://husbandrevolution.com/i-allowed-bitterness-to-grow-in-my-heart-and-it-hurt-my-wife/

Confirmation

Have you ever been waiting in anticipation for a package to arrive?

You check the shipping confirmation and you read those words "in transit". Wondering, what does that mean?  Did it actually leave their hands?  Is it in transit to the sorting facility?  Is it on it's way to me?

You really don't know for sure, and you keep checking.  You are waiting for the words "Out for delivery".   But, we don't always get that confirmation.  It depends on what service the package was shipped with.   So, sometimes... we just have to wait in anticipation.

This is exactly what it is like waiting for an apology.

We set the ball in motion.  We understand that it can take time.  But we find ways to keep checking in on it.  Perhaps we check their facebook page or their blog, to see if they are wrestling at all with how to handle things.  Or, maybe we are just wanting to keep tabs on what is going on in the interim with them or their family.

We wait.

Checking in, looking for that confirmation that the apology is on the way.

Recently, I found myself in this position.  I really thought I was reading all the signs correctly that my apology was "in transit".

You see, I had apologized.  I had recognized the areas where I failed the person.  I also called attention to some misinformation and assumptions.  I did my best to explain myself over and over again.  I realized it was time to wait, to allow the person to take the time they needed to evaluate the situation.

The ball began rolling, I noticed little things here and there.  And I thought surely the apology from them would be on the way.

I also knew that there was no way our friendship could be restored with out that person being accountable for their part in the dissolution.  I actually sought counseling within my church over the situation, I was brutally honest with them and myself.  If I was wrong, I needed to hear it.  And, I was wrong in some areas.  I was not the best friend I could have been.  I was being the friend I would have wanted, and not the friend they needed.  I recognized it.  I apologized.

The ball had left my court.  I needed to be patient.

It happened today.  The confirmation that I needed.

There was no apology on the way.  The person still saw me with the tainted vision that ended the friendship.  Their opinion of me had changed in no way.  Which also meant they were still seeing themselves as a victim & not willing to take ownership or be accountable.

I got the confirmation that my package was "lost".

I'm not sure what happened.  I don't know if I misread the signs.  Or, if something derailed it. But I have to accept that the apology is not coming.  The friendship is completely dissolved. It would take an act of God to restore it.

That last glimmer of a human chance, it has passed.

And, I am totally at peace with it.

When a relationship is facing the end... marriage... friendship... and familial... I feel we have to ask ourselves one question:

Did I do everything I could to save it?

If you can answer YES, you walk away with a peace that is beyond explanation.
If you don't feel peace, then you know the truth.  You didn't do everything possible.
If you constantly need to justify your leaving.  You didn't do everything possible.
If you regularly have to convince yourself that you were right.  You didn't do everything possible.

I have approached her privately.
I have approached her publicly.
I went directly to her husband, when she wouldn't listen or misunderstood me.
I went to her mother, for advice on how to speak to her.  Thinking this woman would know her better than anyone else.
I wrote emails, texts, letters, etc.
I explained myself.
I admitted my mistakes.
I apologized.
I reached out for reconciliation.
I recognized the impending doom of our friendship, if tensions went ignored.
I sought counsel from my mentor and church.

I sought the counsel of my husband.

What more can one do?

Just pray.  I pray for her.  Because, in my heart... I still love that family. But until their can be accountability on both sides, reconciliation is stalled.

The more I pray, the more my heart softens toward her.  It may not change her, but my prayers change the way I feel about her.  And, in fact, today I realized for the first time... I haven't given up hope for reconciliation.  In God's time.  Not my own.

So I keep praying.

Blind sided by our Children

There is a person in my life who is entirely blind sided by her children.   She has a very open relationship with her kids, they can talk about anything.  This is great.  But they also have a very protective relationship over their children, with a lot of expectations of them.  It particularly evident in their restrictions upon dating.

We are little more open to "dating" than they are.

One of the things that has begun to happen is that their eldest daughter is finding ways to get around their rules and restrictions.  One of these methods to help her stay under the radar is by throwing my daughter under the bus.

You see, she knows all the right "Christian" things to say to her parents to get their trust and respect.  She talks about not wanting to date.  She even points her finger at my daughter and says that she doesn't want to be "boy crazy" like her.  (Mind you, my daughter is hardly boy crazy).  Her parents believe her.  And so they trust her.

It happened not that long ago that their daughter invited herself to a sleepover at our house.  The girls plans were to go to the mall the next day and "window shop".  Then my daughter suddenly canceled the plans.  This was very out of character for her.    When I was finally able to get the reason from her, I found out that her friend was using us.  She was the one who really wanted to go to the mall, and she was planning to "accidentally" run into a boy there.  A boy she really likes.

The same boy she has been selling to her parents as a "nice guy, but not my type".

Several months later, I found a few note books in the trash.  I was checking them to see if they were full or if there was any paper still left.  This is pretty common from school.  They will have a notebook or composition book and only use about 1/3 of it.  We tear out the pages and the kids use it around the house for journals, sketching, etc.

It happened that one of them my daughter had started to use as a journal. I couldn't help it, I read it.

In it she was lamenting about how her friend's mom sees her as some sort of boy crazy "slut" but in fact her friend has had more "boyfriends" and had "done more things with boys" than she had.  She went on about the cancelled sleepover & how she didn't want to be involved in deceiving her friends mom.  She didn't want to be blamed as a bad influence.  She didn't her friend using her.  She didn't want to potentially hurt the relationship between this mom and I, by putting me in this position.

I was really proud of my daughter, she recognized these things & made the right decision to protect herself and her family.  I was really sad for this girl, because I know where lies and deception can get you.  And I was hurt that my daughter recognized this woman as someone who looked down on us, all while calling us friends.  She knew her friend's mom saw her in an unflattering light.

Ladies, parents... lets be very real.  Our children know us.  They know what to say, what we want to hear.  If we don't keep at least a small dose of skepticism in our trust of them.... we are going to be blindsided. 

Are you fighting for victory…or resting Victoriously?

Sometimes, someone else just says it 100 times better than I can...

This is a great article written by Brandon Chase - I highly suggest that you read it.  But before you click on the link, Please PRAY...

Pray that the Lord will speak to your heart when you are done reading it, to reveal to you if you are truly resting victoriously or fighting for victory.  And which one is God really wanting from us.

http://brandonchase.net/2013/07/31/are-you-fighting-for-victory-or-resting-victoriously/

My job, my mission.

When I was in high school, it was so very clear to me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I wanted to be an actress.  Not a just a famous actress, but a respected actress.  Think less Lindsay Lohan and more Meryl Streep.

God had different plans for me.

But, I can't lie that bend towards doing or being something great in my life has never gone away.

When I started down the line of Drama Ministry, I thought I could end up well known and respected there.  When I started script writing, I thought that would be my place in the world.

When I started serving in Women's Ministry, I thought I'd become a speaker.... and that would take me down the road to writing a book, and perhaps one day when you bought your tickets for Women of Faith ... you'd be coming to see me.

Again, this was never from a place of just being successful, but respected.

Which is something that gets me on another tangent.  So many of the texts for husbands and wives talk about him wanting respect, while she wants love.  And while yes, I do want love... I really want my husband's respect.  But that, my friends, is a topic for another day.

I am a woman who wants to be respected.  I thought that respect would come from doing something great.  And it did, but not in the way I imagined.

It came in the form of a baby, swaddled and handed to me.  A life that I would have a chance to mold into a person better than I have ever been.   Not realizing it would be she that would make me a better person.  That this little bundle would reconcile me with my Savior, in a way greater than ever before.

When she was just about to hit school age, I thought to myself "now is the time" and I called up my agent and said I was ready to work again.  Less than a year later, God said WAIT.  Another swaddling bundle would enter my world.  This time not only did I once again have a great mission in impacting this child, but it would be that as a result of her conception, my life would be saved.  It would draw attention to the cells trying to attack my body & we would be able to catch it before it became a vicious cancer.  When she was about to hit school age, I thought again.... NOW is the time.

But God would once again say WAIT.  A third precious bundle would come into my world and bring with it peace.   One daughter brought me to God on my knees.  One daughter saved my life from disease.  One daughter would fill my life with peace.  I was amongst the least of these, and they were the ones making ME a better person, a better Christian.

As this third precious child was about to enter her school years.... I had a thought.  NOW is NOT the time.  My last bundle was walking into the world and my oldest child was entering the last 4 years of her adolescence.    Now is not the time for me to do anything but focus on the mission that God set before me.  My mission is motherhood.  The greatest mission ever.  The greatest impact I can make on the world, is by pouring myself into them, and pointing them to the cross.

A Christian without a Mentor is Limited

Early in my walk, as a Christian, I really didn't have a mentor.  I did have a few people in my life I could ask questions of... and they didn't look at me as a fool.  They understood that I was growing.  But, I didn't have anyone who took me under their wing and helped guide me on my walk.


Now, much later in my walk, I have several mentors in my life.  I recently was meeting with one of them.  We were talking about the book of Revelation and the churches listed in Chapters 2 & 3. We were discussing how these different churches mirrored our current world..... the attitudes not just of countries but even of our churches today.

The church in Ephesus had the head knowledge but not the heart knowledge.  They kept up the beliefs, the traditions, etc...without understanding why.  It was empty.  They were on auto pilot.  Serving Jesus without loving Jesus.

It was then my friend, and mentor, mentioned how important it was that we have mentors in our walk from very early on.  Without a mentor we can allow ourselves to get caught up in the rules, the deeds, the work of our faith without actually having real faith.  We know all the things we should do and shouldn't do, but yet we don't really understand the why and more importantly the WHO behind it.

As we continue to grow in our knowledge, without a mentor to guide us, we can end up just like the church of Ephesus.  We will have the head knowledge without the heart knowledge.  And then eventually we become like the pharisees.  We stand firm and strong in our righteous knowledge, without loving the least of these.... the poor in spirit, the broken, the lost.

Mentors help us to see the bigger picture.  They help us to learn from their wisdom and experience that our impact on others has to start from a place of love.  Loving them in spite of their faults, not excusing them.  But understanding that we have to start from a place of love and not condemnation.

When you first love a person, taking the time to get to know them and understand them, you build your credibility with them. They learn to trust you.  Trusting that you really care for them and this isn't just your attempt to add another success story to your book of people's lives that you have changed.

In your attempts to share the Gospel, a mentor reminds you that it is not your job to change them.  But to love them.  The Holy Spirit will change them.  Your greatest testimony comes from your example.  We have all know of people who were considered "great" and looked up to, and the moment the truth of their depravity came out... it contradicted all the good they had done.

A mentor tells you to focus more on making yourself better, your walk better, your testimony better than trying to change others.  In fact, dear one, YOU are not as big of a part of their testimony as you think.  In fact, you are quite insignificant to the transformation that Christ does in them. 

My mentor told me that she can tell relatively quickly when someone has been mentored or not.  You can see it in their attitude towards others.

If you don't have a mentor, maybe it is time to find one.  In fact, you may need more than one.

Wondering how to find a mentor?

1) Pray.  Pray that God will reveal the person to you.
2) Let Go.  Let go of all the preconceptions of what a mentor should be.  Do not base it on age, years as a Christian, family size.  I remember once a woman in the church came to me for advice on marriage.  She was much older than I was, and I was caught off guard.  I found out as we talked, that she had only been married a few years.  While I was significantly younger than her, I had 10+ more years of marriage experience than she.
3) Be Open.  Be open to having just one mentor, or more.  God will bring those whom you need, don't turn away wisdom because you "already have one".
4) Talk to your Pastor or his wife.  If you need mentorship in a specific area, they may know just the right person for you.
5) Don't Give Up.  You may try out a mentor relationship & it just isn't working.  That is ok, you can change mentors. But make sure you are changing them because it's not the right fit... and not because they are saying things you don't want to hear. 

Eyes Wide Open - Realizing the Truth

For quite sometime I have been lamenting over a friendship that had fallen apart.  I understood what brought our friendship to an end.  I accepted that even if we could become friends again it would never be the same.  And, to be honest, I really wasn't holding out any hope that our friendship would be repaired.  Sometimes, things are just over and it is time to move on.

However, this was proving to be harder that I expected.  The reality of the situation was this wasn't just my friendship that ended.

Our husbands were friends.
Our children were friends.
In fact, we were really more like family.

So, despite my head knowledge of an ended friendship... my heart still longed for that family that was missing from our lives.

It's been about 5 months now.  Our oldest daughters are occasionally in touch.  Husbands too.

I asked my husband a few nights back if he had spoken with her husband recently.  He said that it had been a few days and commented about their inability to spend any time together.  What ended up happening was an hour long conversation about not the situation but the family I was missing so much.  Not about all the details of what went wrong, or how it could be repaired... but just about the family.

What I realized....

I missed her husband.  Truth was, I probably had more in common with him than her.

I missed her kids.  I loved their kids, like my own.  I missed not knowing what was going on in their lives.

I even missed their pets!  

I realized that in the years I have known that family, I have watched friends come and go... we aren't the first & won't be the last.

I realized that when we would be over there with other families... often their wives were not there.  It would be the husbands with the kids.

I realized that on those occasions when there were other women around, their husbands were not there.  It was then my husband stated that as long as we have been friends, he never felt her husband was as vested in the friendship as he was.  And that, he believed that her husband kept a distance with all their friends because he never knew when they were going to leave.

She drives people out of her life.

She also suffers from depression and low self esteem.

I didn't recognize it, but she does what a lot of people who suffer from serious depression do.  They distance themselves from people.  Not just by pulling themselves away, but by even going so far as to push those who are closest to them away.  That creates even more distance.

I had seen this behavior in others before, but I suppose I was too close to recognize it in my own "best friend".

But what does this mean?

The conversation helped me realize that I wasn't as close to her as I thought.  If we were really that close of friends, I would have recognized it.

It helped me realize that what I was really missing was the family, not her specifically.  But she was part of the package deal.

It also helped me realize that despite our friendship being over, she is a woman who needs to be prayed for. 

The Woman I Want to Be

 - Diane Von Furstenburg

It is very easy, in life, to be focused on what we want to do.  We want to be successful.  We want to be a doctor, lawyer, actress, writer, a wife, a mother, a friend, a mentor, etc.  We want to be a lot of things, but when do we spend time thinking and dreaming about the kind of woman we want to be?

Scripture has some great women, women of worthy character that we can study.  We can learn from Esther, we can submit to God like Mary, we can have wisdom like Deborah and we can even try to attain the Proverbs 31 Woman status.  One thing I have learned, though, is that their stories are as unique to their life, as their fingerprints are to their body. 

God had an individual plan for each of those women, and He shaped their lives and formed the pathways to get them to His purpose.  No two stories, or journeys, were the same.

Instead of looking at the successes of other people, we need to seek God's purpose in our life.  We need to reach out to Him and ask for Him to move us, and guide us. While we wait for His response, we don't need to sit around.  Waiting for God is active, we have things to do "in the mean time".  We can work on our character as women of God.  Honest.  Dependable.  Modest.  Humble.  Wise.  Compassionate.  Gracious.  Merciful.  Submissive.  Prayerful.   Students of the Word.   Generous.  Ethical.  Loving.  Positive.     More directly, Matthew 5:1-12 reads:

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.  Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.   Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.  Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

If we want to begin working on our character, and defining what kind of woman we want to be.... we can start in His Word, pray for His guidance, and never give up trying to be better than we were the day before.

Lord, I pray that you help me to become the woman you created me to be.  Walk with me along the way, holding my hand, catching me when I stumble and setting me back on the straight path.  Help me to refine myself to be the best example of having Christ in my life, as possible.  Amen.

* Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

You never know when another Christian is around, and THAT is the problem.

I recently had a foot-in-mouth moment.

I was sitting IN the church building, not during service, but for a workday.

I was surrounded by Christians and NON Christians.  We were currently renovating the church building, so we had volunteers from the body and hired help from the community.

Now, I can have a pretty dry sense of humor and sometimes I can sling sarcasm and witty bits out like I was David slinging stones at Goliath.  Precision people, precision.

And while I am not going into the details of what I said, lets just say..... I let a one liner slip.  And the 2 guys who heard it were hysterically laughing.  They had made a comment, I made a quick witty response.  It happened before I could even think it through.  Like when you cough and your gum shoots out of your mouth onto the floor.

Not only did it come out of my mouth.... there was not putting it back in.

Immediately I said "Oh, I shouldn't have said that."

The contractor guy said "Yeah, I'm not sure I want to sit next to you... lightening might strike you."

We all laughed about it.  Me more nervously, all the while I was self deprecating in my head.

I came home and told my husband the story.  I said "I am so glad no one from the church was there to hear it.  I don't know what I was thinking."

My husband, God bless him, has a pretty warped sense of humor and he found it funny.  He would have found it funnier if someone from the church was there to hear it too.  But, that is why I married him.  He understands that not everything that comes out of my mouth is meant earnestly.  He gets my humor.  He doesn't ever hold it against me, because he knows exactly the kind of person I am.

But that day hasn't left my memory.  Because, I was relieved that there wasn't anyone from my church in the room.  But that doesn't mean there wasn't another Christian in the room.  That doesn't mean that a person who knows nothing about me, didn't hear a member of my church (me) say something mildly inappropriate.  And, if those who were in the room with me were truly unbelievers... I am not sure I helped my witness at all.

And then I continued thinking about it.  And today... there was something that hit me...

We are called to be different than the world.

If we are in a room with others, they should know by our behavior, words and actions that we are Christians.

If they can't discern us as different than the rest of the world, we are doing something wrong.

I learned I needed to tame my tongue.

I am not saying we need to wear bonnets and dresses down to our ankles.  I am saying that our presence should exude God.  We are His vessels in this world.  When they see us, they see Him.  How are we presenting Him to the world?

At the same time, this doesn't give us permission to unleash a verbal tirade to everyone in the world who is not living up to His standards.  We still approach people with compassion, mercy and grace.  We still address non-believers differently than we would address believers.  We address new believers differently than we would addressed seasoned believers.

There is balance.

The world is constantly surprised when a Christian is NOT a hypocrite.  When they actually live, breathe and walk in accordance to the world.  This should be a GIVEN not an EXCEPTION.

Because the world sees this as an exception, and not a given... it means we are falling short.  We need God, we need Jesus, we need the Holy Spirit more than ever to come into our lives, transform us... how we act, what we say, etc MORE THAN EVER.

We are starting to blend into the world.  We are becoming the gray in the darkness.  We need to be the light.

Life Doesn't Hurt, Expectations Do

Life, a sequence of years.  It starts when you are conceived and ends when you die. Some have a longer life, others don't.  Life is time.  It isn't a feeling, it has no emotion.  It is pages of a calendar that flip each day, according to the number of the days of you breathe.  Life doesn't hurt.  It can't touch you.  It can't make you feel good, it can't harm you.

It's the adjective you put with life, that describes the type of life you have had.

A long life.
A happy life.
A miserable life.
A difficult life.
A peaceful life.
An active life.
A solitary life.

It describes the time you have been alive.

Sometimes our expectations for our life are greater than we can accomplish.  Then there are times where we project our expectations on others, and they fall short.

You see life doesn't hurt, expectations do.

When we expect too much of ourselves & what we are capable of....
When we expect too much of others & they can't live up to those expectations....
When we glorify a job, position, relationship, etc to something more than it is & it fails our expectations....

That is what hurts.
We are let down.

And the problem is ours.

Because no one created those expectations but yourself.

If I am disappointed because something didn't live up to my expectations, I need to take an honest look at it.

Were my expectations reasonable or even attainable?  Were they practical?

Did I clearly define my expectations, or did I assume the other person would know it without saying?

Was the failure to meet my expectations really their fault at all?

When others fail to meet my expectations...
Life didn't hurt me.
They didn't hurt me.
I hurt myself.

Bringing Truth to Life....

If there’s something Jesus needs to address with you, so be it. But remember, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Jesus doesn’t use the statements, “You always do this..” and “You never do that..” Jesus doesn’t use our situations against us.

He simply brings truth to life and asks us to align with it.

Lysa TerKeurst

 Sometimes someone else says it better.

Why must we know?

If you have ever been involved in a church that had some sort of leadership scandal, the protocol is usually the same.

Leader messes up.
Gets caught or feels conviction.
Confesses.
Resigns from Leadership.
Statement made to congregation about it.

Now depending on the church, how it goes from there can vary.

1) The statement to congregation may come from the resigning leader or a staff member (Pastor/Elder)

2)  The statement may contain a vague description of the offense or a detailed confession.

3)  If it is a vague description, the church MAY or MAY NOT give the option for members to individually seek out more information about the situation.  AKA... the nitty gritty details.

As a member, we are usually left with SOME information but not all information.

Just this week, a well known Pastor resigned from his church.  Because he is well known, it isn't a surprise that the media is all over the subject.  But they relied on the statement from the church, which was a vague description of the offense.

But, it didn't take long for those who had more information to start sharing it.

It didn't take long for concerned Christians to start praying for Pastor because of what he did.

I know this because it was showing up every where.  Blog articles.  Tweets.  Facebook. Text messages "did you hear?"

Why must we know?  Why do we need to know what he did in detail?  Why do we feel compelled to share that information in the media with tweets, hashtags, and facebook posts.  Why must we draw more attention to a situation that is already getting to much attention.

Why can't we be satisfied with the limited information?
Why can't we pray quietly in our homes vs. broadcasting our prayers on facebook?
Why can't we send a card in the mail or a private message /email that we are praying vs. letting them know via a hashtag in our media posting?

And if you don't have that close of a relationship with that Pastor (or whomever is caught in controversy) to know his direct contact information... should you even stick your nose in his business?  The family's business?  That church's business?

If it were you, would you want people responding the way you are?  Would you want me to hashtag your sins to the world?  I'd hope not.  So give others the same respect.

My heart is burdened.

The world is a pretty competitive place.  We compete on the sports field, in the job market, on video games, for position within friendships, for authority over groups, for affection from our children, acceptance by society.  Competition permeates so much of what we do.

For years I was really burdened by the amount of competition that came between moms.
Breast vs. bottle.
Co-sleeping vs. crib.
On demand vs. on schedule.
Better toys for development.
Better car seats and strollers.
Better developmental programs.
TV vs. No TV.
Babywearing vs. teaching independence.

Over 15 years of parenting, I have heard it all.

And it doesn't get easier as they get older.
Public vs. Private vs. Homeschool
Dating vs. Courting vs. None of the Above.
Make Up vs. no make up.

... the list really is infinite.

Years ago, I had come to a place where I could finally let all that go.  I couldn't care less what others were doing.  I was part of the parent team that God put in charge of these children.  He knew that we were the right ones to raise them, we would make the best decisions for them.  I learned to be confident in who I was as a mom.

So, let them have cake for breakfast on their birthday.

So... why am I burdened?

I am burdened by the competition that is rising between CHRISTIANS.

Recently, my eyes have been really opened to the level of competition between Christians on WHO IS THE BETTER CHRISTIAN.  The sad part is, many of them don't realize they are doing it.

It happened about a week ago, that I said something about my beliefs on a controversial subject & the response of the other person was the straw that broke the camels back.  He might as well of patted me on the head like a small child who doesn't know any better.  Apparently his education and more in depth knowledge of the subject meant he was right, and I was wrong.  And he not only pitied me.... but was truly GRIEVED that I could feel such a way.  He basically considered me a Christian who was being blinded from the truth.

Ironically, what he missed was that I agreed with him doctrinally.  My disagreement was in how people responded to the subject.... the hate and venom people spew at "sinners" is heartbreaking.

And the more I sat and thought about my conversation with him, the more I realized that he truly believed he was a better Christian because he could see this "TRUTH" that I was obviously missing.  I realized he wasn't the only one in my life who had elevated themselves above other Christians for their "knowledge" that others don't have.

I started sitting back and really looking at what people were saying and doing.  I thought back on conversations of the past, and my heart grew more and burdened.

These divisions and competition were not even on the big controversial subjects.  They were over small bites of scripture and individual's interpretations of what it meant.  We were not allowing ourselves to be divided over subjects like "gay marriage", we were allowing our selves to be divided over subjects like....
--- what we eat.... as a "good Christian"
--- what we wear.... as a "good Christian"
--- what we watch on tv (or watching tv altogether)... as a "good Christian"

It is amazing how quickly we can judge other Christians because their walk doesn't match our own.

Judging because they don't read the bible as much as I do.
Judging because they don't serve the community as much as I do.
Judging because their approach to parenting is different than mine.

Even judging them because they read a particular version of the bible, and we feel our version is best.

We already feel on our own that we are not doing enough as a Christian, that our walk could be more dedicated.  We have Satan taking every opportunity to tell us that we are less than worthy and trying to derail us with reminders of our past mistakes.  Add into the mix someone who feels they are superior over you... wagging their finger in disapproval.... = disaster.

In Acts 15, a council forms to discuss how the gospel is being presented to new believers.  Ultimately after discussing all the facets and commandments and beliefs, they come to this conclusion in verse 19 "It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God."

This was not an excuse to allow them to do what ever they wanted, but rather a reminder that we should stick to the important things.  Letting the rest come naturally as the spirit moves them.  In fact they kept it pretty simple 1) No consuming foods offered to idols.  2) No sexual immorality.  3) No eating of meat from strangled animals or consuming blood.

That was it.

When we think back on the commands from Jesus, himself... we were told to 1) Love God with all our heart and 2) Love our neighbors as ourselves ... and then in the great commission to go out and share the gospel.  The council clarified it was about the big picture, and no so much the little details.  They trusted the Holy Spirit to convict each person.

 Within Christian circles, we have returned to the very thing that brought this council together.  Each group, thinking they have it right.  Man made rules and laws of what a "Good Christian" looks like.  We try to put our passions upon believers based on our own convictions.  We hold them to a standard that their faith should be expressed in these works.  Yet we know that our faith is sufficient for salvation and works are a fruit of the spirit.  But, today we see more and more people adopting a works based faith. That as long as we do x, y and z... then we are being righteous Christians.  Scripture warns us if we do all these THINGS without LOVE, then they are meaningless.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

1If I speak in the tongues^a of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^b but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

When I look at those casting judgements on other Christians, is it really coming from a place of Love?  Or, from a need to be RIGHT?   Are you doing these things because GOD has called you to it, or because you need to LOOK RIGHTEOUS?  Where is your heart?  


It hurts to hear someone telling you that they are speaking "Truth in Love"... but LOVE is not present.  It really is "TRUTH in RIGHTEOUSNESS" or "TRUTH IN PIETY".

Because they really don't want you to change because your heart tells you to, because they seed the planted has been developed by the Holy Spirit.  They want you to change to their ways because they see themselves as RIGHT, ELEVATED, MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE, etc.

They think we are naive... and yet they are blinded to their own sin.

My heart is burdened to those who have forgotten what LOVE really looks like... when demonstrated to the non believers & those who are growing in their faith.

Daughters of the King

Proverbs 31:10  A virtuous woman, who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies.

If you look to the dictionary to define "virtuous", Webster will tell you it means confirming to a moral and ethical principals, morally excellent; upright.  Certainly those are great things to find in a woman.  But that isn't the Bible's definition of "virtuous". 

The original Hebrew word, used in scripture is Chayil (khah' -yil) and it means:  A FORCE... AN ARMY... STRENGTH... ABLE... SUBSTANCE... WORTHY.

If we re-read the scripture using this definition, it reads "A strong, able, worthy, woman of substance, who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies."

Read that aloud.  Do you find yourself sitting up a little taller, feel a little stronger, and your confidence increase?  When the trials and tribulations of life come at you, remember who you are!  You who were adopted by our Abba Father... daughter of the King.  (1 Peter 2:9)

Father, I pray that I can see myself through your eyes: as a valuable, worthy and strong woman who is capable of doing what you ask of me.  Let me hear your voice, direct my life and fill me with the courage to take the first step.  Amen. 

*Written by Gena McCown for TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

I had to be told THREE times.

"Do not have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments
because you know they produce quarrels."  2 Timothy 2:23

 Honestly.  I could just stop there.  That moment when scripture itself speaks directly to the problem at hand.  The scripture that needs no interpretation or explanation.  It's plain and clear.  You do not need a Strong's Concordance for this one.  

Yet, this was not even the first time this warning was spoken.  It had already been mentioned in 2 Tim 2:14.  But, it needed repeating within the SAME chapter!  When you keep reading, you'll find it again in the next book, Titus (2:9) 3 times in just a few short chapters.  Lord, I think I might be finally getting your message.  I sit here convicted.  I should have known better.  In fact, I did know better.

We have all been there at some point or another, where we find ourselves in an argument or stand off with another person (friend, coworker, parent, spouse, child).  In the end we hug, making up for arguing over "something so stupid".  (I know a few of you reading this are shaking your head in agreement).  But, in short order, we find ourselves doing it again.  Engaged in another pointless argument over something that in the grand scheme of life means nothing.  

Let it happen too often, and stupid arguments become big quarrels.   They will begin putting stress on relationships, and ultimately breaking them.  Some times beyond repair.   Convicted.  That's me. I have allowed myself to engage in stupid arguments too many times. I have felt the pain.  I have sensed the stress.  I have failed to repair.

Proverbs 21:23 "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

Lord, I am grateful that your word continues to be a guide in my life.  I pray for discernment on how and when to use my words, and when they are best left unsaid.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

The Christmas We Forgot

Proverbs 16:9  ”In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

When it comes to holidays, Christmas is our favorite.  We always put forth some effort into our decorations, adding each year.  We have a goal, you see. One that has been in place since we were first married, and I took my husband to "Gabriel Lane" to see the most amazing Christmas lights he had ever seen.  The entire neighborhood decorated.  Even the Jewish residents would have blue and white lights, Star of David décor.  There was a house on the street that had a Candy Cane theme.  Since Christmas was his favorite time of year, and since we both loved this house the most. That was our goal.

Over the years there have been some Christmases where the budget was tight, or time didn't seem to be on our side.  I even remember saying to my husband one year.... "You keep saying that this is your favorite time of the year.  You say that, but I don't think you mean it".  Why did I say this?  Because he wasn't getting our decorations up fast enough.  In fact there was one year we didn't have our lights up at all & I was FURIOUS.  Like, steam coming out of my ears furious.  It put a damper on the entire holiday for me.

How ridiculous I was being.  I vowed to never be that way again.  I was being a Martha in a very Mary moment.  I was focused on tasks, my to do list, my timeline.... it was affecting my time with my family & my attitude toward others.  It took my focus off the reason for the season, Jesus.

This year, the lights and snowflakes were hung.  But all of our yard decorations, we forgot.  The tree was trimmed, but all the other indoor decorations, we forgot.  Cookies for Santa, were baked... but only thanks to an early Christmas Eve gift from my mother of Easy Bake Ovens for the girls.  Reindeer food...?  Um, I had some carrots in the freezer.  Christmas Eve came and went.  Christmas morning came and went.  It was later that day, I realized we didn't even take any photos of the kids opening their gifts.  We forgot.

And the most remarkable thing? No one cared.  It was about us, it was about enjoy time together.  It wasn't about fuss.  We opened our doors that day and neighborhood kids came in and out to visit.  It's been a few days since, still no pictures of the kids with their gifts.  I forgot. It is so easy to get caught up in the details, our plans for how things should go or look.  But God often has a different agenda because his is not based on tasks but on relationship.  

God, I pray for those of us .... who get caught up in the details, may you soften our hearts and open our eyes to the things we are missing out on.  Let details be forgotten & memories made in 2014.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog