Finding Confidence

I wrote out about 10 paragraphs, maybe more.  Then I hit delete.  It was one of those moments where you realized you have just gone on and on about something, and really needed to stop.

It really comes down to this book, coupled with God's Word.

After a series of events this weekend, despite devouring this book Thursday and referencing my bible... a LOT.... I felt my confidence absolutely being diminished.  Having serious bouts of "I can't do this"... "what was I thinking"... "I am not capable"... and many more self depreciating thoughts.

Thursday I felt great.  But the week progressed a lot differently than I expected.  By Saturday night I was a mess.  Sunday morning I walked into church, not really even knowing WHY I was there.  In fact, a few people even asked (mind you my husband is in the hospital recovering from surgery, they expected me to be there).  But even when I tried to talk myself out of going, I was drawn to those doors.

I heard exactly what I needed this morning.

"For we can certainly do it" (Numbers 13:30)

 The sermon series we have been camped out in is called "Above and Beyond" and it references our financial giving, our use of our talents and abilities, getting out of our own way and our own comfort zone, and going above and beyond for God.

The beginning of the message this morning started with "A significant journey requires a significant step of faith".

In my lack of confidence in myself, I forgot about God.  God is totally capable, totally able, totally equipped, totally and completely confident to do what He wants done.  And when He calls us to action, He has confidence in us... we simply need confidence in Him, and His judgment and trust in us.

I let my tantrum go.  I remembered that with Christ I can do all things.  I certainly can do it.  I can take that significant step of faith. So can you.

The Road of Good Intentions

This morning I realized that there is a distinct difference between "blogging" and "status updates".   Sure, we could argue about length, content, etc.  But I am speaking more specifically about what that says about the person doing the writing.

I am a status updater.  I am not a blogger.  To answer the question of what difference lies between them, I would reflect on one of two words... 1) journal   2) diary.

Call it what you will, but people who were more likely to write a diary or journal on a regular basis are more likely to be a "blogger".  They are generally wordy people, they enjoy writing and they also don't feel the pressure to write.  When I attempt to journal, it is ridiculous intimidating.  I feel as if I need to be profound, or fill the page, or write out everything in a story form.  In the case of blogging I know that I am also, in part, attempting to entertain.  I am purposely writing what others will read, and you want them to come back.  I am not a blogger.

I am however a great status updater.  I would rather post a quick quip, than a lengthy article.  If someone else is more profound than I am, why rewrite their words in a quote when I can just link you to the article, youtube video, or share their post? 

The great thing is that this is no surprise to me either.  I firmly believe those who journal, are also the type to read long novels vs. short stories.  I love a good short story.  I like it when you get to the point.  I believe that most lectures I have attended could be shortened to about 30 minutes if people got right to the point.  Even in Bible Studies, I'd rather a list of facts than 30 minutes of examples.  My immediate thoughts always fall to "I got it, lets move on... I need to fill in these blanks".

As you are reading this, I know that you are thinking... for someone who claims to be "short winded" this is getting pretty lengthy.  I know this, because that was my reaction too.  I am literally shocked at the number of words I have already typed out.  Perhaps that is because I am trying to explain myself and my thoughts to you.  A preemptive apology for the day you come to my blog and you see an entry like this.

"I was not feeling profound today.  The Lord didn't reveal anything to me.  Enjoy this photo of a cat with it's head stuck in a box".

I guarantee you, it is bound to happen at some point.

Or perhaps you will see something along the lines of...

"It has been 6 weeks since I have posted.  I fail at blogging.  Forgive me."

The road of good intentions, that is what I call this.  Perhaps as I blog, I will get better at it. I may not say something every day, but I promise... when I do have something to say, it will be worth reading.  I will get right to the point and the heart of the matter.

I am encouraged that God has something to say about these roads I travel... 

“The Lord says, ‘I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you’.” Psalm 32:8

Thank you God for caring about me so much.