The Woman I Want to Be

 - Diane Von Furstenburg

It is very easy, in life, to be focused on what we want to do.  We want to be successful.  We want to be a doctor, lawyer, actress, writer, a wife, a mother, a friend, a mentor, etc.  We want to be a lot of things, but when do we spend time thinking and dreaming about the kind of woman we want to be?

Scripture has some great women, women of worthy character that we can study.  We can learn from Esther, we can submit to God like Mary, we can have wisdom like Deborah and we can even try to attain the Proverbs 31 Woman status.  One thing I have learned, though, is that their stories are as unique to their life, as their fingerprints are to their body. 

God had an individual plan for each of those women, and He shaped their lives and formed the pathways to get them to His purpose.  No two stories, or journeys, were the same.

Instead of looking at the successes of other people, we need to seek God's purpose in our life.  We need to reach out to Him and ask for Him to move us, and guide us. While we wait for His response, we don't need to sit around.  Waiting for God is active, we have things to do "in the mean time".  We can work on our character as women of God.  Honest.  Dependable.  Modest.  Humble.  Wise.  Compassionate.  Gracious.  Merciful.  Submissive.  Prayerful.   Students of the Word.   Generous.  Ethical.  Loving.  Positive.     More directly, Matthew 5:1-12 reads:

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.  Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.   Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.  Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

If we want to begin working on our character, and defining what kind of woman we want to be.... we can start in His Word, pray for His guidance, and never give up trying to be better than we were the day before.

Lord, I pray that you help me to become the woman you created me to be.  Walk with me along the way, holding my hand, catching me when I stumble and setting me back on the straight path.  Help me to refine myself to be the best example of having Christ in my life, as possible.  Amen.

* Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

You never know when another Christian is around, and THAT is the problem.

I recently had a foot-in-mouth moment.

I was sitting IN the church building, not during service, but for a workday.

I was surrounded by Christians and NON Christians.  We were currently renovating the church building, so we had volunteers from the body and hired help from the community.

Now, I can have a pretty dry sense of humor and sometimes I can sling sarcasm and witty bits out like I was David slinging stones at Goliath.  Precision people, precision.

And while I am not going into the details of what I said, lets just say..... I let a one liner slip.  And the 2 guys who heard it were hysterically laughing.  They had made a comment, I made a quick witty response.  It happened before I could even think it through.  Like when you cough and your gum shoots out of your mouth onto the floor.

Not only did it come out of my mouth.... there was not putting it back in.

Immediately I said "Oh, I shouldn't have said that."

The contractor guy said "Yeah, I'm not sure I want to sit next to you... lightening might strike you."

We all laughed about it.  Me more nervously, all the while I was self deprecating in my head.

I came home and told my husband the story.  I said "I am so glad no one from the church was there to hear it.  I don't know what I was thinking."

My husband, God bless him, has a pretty warped sense of humor and he found it funny.  He would have found it funnier if someone from the church was there to hear it too.  But, that is why I married him.  He understands that not everything that comes out of my mouth is meant earnestly.  He gets my humor.  He doesn't ever hold it against me, because he knows exactly the kind of person I am.

But that day hasn't left my memory.  Because, I was relieved that there wasn't anyone from my church in the room.  But that doesn't mean there wasn't another Christian in the room.  That doesn't mean that a person who knows nothing about me, didn't hear a member of my church (me) say something mildly inappropriate.  And, if those who were in the room with me were truly unbelievers... I am not sure I helped my witness at all.

And then I continued thinking about it.  And today... there was something that hit me...

We are called to be different than the world.

If we are in a room with others, they should know by our behavior, words and actions that we are Christians.

If they can't discern us as different than the rest of the world, we are doing something wrong.

I learned I needed to tame my tongue.

I am not saying we need to wear bonnets and dresses down to our ankles.  I am saying that our presence should exude God.  We are His vessels in this world.  When they see us, they see Him.  How are we presenting Him to the world?

At the same time, this doesn't give us permission to unleash a verbal tirade to everyone in the world who is not living up to His standards.  We still approach people with compassion, mercy and grace.  We still address non-believers differently than we would address believers.  We address new believers differently than we would addressed seasoned believers.

There is balance.

The world is constantly surprised when a Christian is NOT a hypocrite.  When they actually live, breathe and walk in accordance to the world.  This should be a GIVEN not an EXCEPTION.

Because the world sees this as an exception, and not a given... it means we are falling short.  We need God, we need Jesus, we need the Holy Spirit more than ever to come into our lives, transform us... how we act, what we say, etc MORE THAN EVER.

We are starting to blend into the world.  We are becoming the gray in the darkness.  We need to be the light.

Life Doesn't Hurt, Expectations Do

Life, a sequence of years.  It starts when you are conceived and ends when you die. Some have a longer life, others don't.  Life is time.  It isn't a feeling, it has no emotion.  It is pages of a calendar that flip each day, according to the number of the days of you breathe.  Life doesn't hurt.  It can't touch you.  It can't make you feel good, it can't harm you.

It's the adjective you put with life, that describes the type of life you have had.

A long life.
A happy life.
A miserable life.
A difficult life.
A peaceful life.
An active life.
A solitary life.

It describes the time you have been alive.

Sometimes our expectations for our life are greater than we can accomplish.  Then there are times where we project our expectations on others, and they fall short.

You see life doesn't hurt, expectations do.

When we expect too much of ourselves & what we are capable of....
When we expect too much of others & they can't live up to those expectations....
When we glorify a job, position, relationship, etc to something more than it is & it fails our expectations....

That is what hurts.
We are let down.

And the problem is ours.

Because no one created those expectations but yourself.

If I am disappointed because something didn't live up to my expectations, I need to take an honest look at it.

Were my expectations reasonable or even attainable?  Were they practical?

Did I clearly define my expectations, or did I assume the other person would know it without saying?

Was the failure to meet my expectations really their fault at all?

When others fail to meet my expectations...
Life didn't hurt me.
They didn't hurt me.
I hurt myself.

Bringing Truth to Life....

If there’s something Jesus needs to address with you, so be it. But remember, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Jesus doesn’t use the statements, “You always do this..” and “You never do that..” Jesus doesn’t use our situations against us.

He simply brings truth to life and asks us to align with it.

Lysa TerKeurst

 Sometimes someone else says it better.

Why must we know?

If you have ever been involved in a church that had some sort of leadership scandal, the protocol is usually the same.

Leader messes up.
Gets caught or feels conviction.
Confesses.
Resigns from Leadership.
Statement made to congregation about it.

Now depending on the church, how it goes from there can vary.

1) The statement to congregation may come from the resigning leader or a staff member (Pastor/Elder)

2)  The statement may contain a vague description of the offense or a detailed confession.

3)  If it is a vague description, the church MAY or MAY NOT give the option for members to individually seek out more information about the situation.  AKA... the nitty gritty details.

As a member, we are usually left with SOME information but not all information.

Just this week, a well known Pastor resigned from his church.  Because he is well known, it isn't a surprise that the media is all over the subject.  But they relied on the statement from the church, which was a vague description of the offense.

But, it didn't take long for those who had more information to start sharing it.

It didn't take long for concerned Christians to start praying for Pastor because of what he did.

I know this because it was showing up every where.  Blog articles.  Tweets.  Facebook. Text messages "did you hear?"

Why must we know?  Why do we need to know what he did in detail?  Why do we feel compelled to share that information in the media with tweets, hashtags, and facebook posts.  Why must we draw more attention to a situation that is already getting to much attention.

Why can't we be satisfied with the limited information?
Why can't we pray quietly in our homes vs. broadcasting our prayers on facebook?
Why can't we send a card in the mail or a private message /email that we are praying vs. letting them know via a hashtag in our media posting?

And if you don't have that close of a relationship with that Pastor (or whomever is caught in controversy) to know his direct contact information... should you even stick your nose in his business?  The family's business?  That church's business?

If it were you, would you want people responding the way you are?  Would you want me to hashtag your sins to the world?  I'd hope not.  So give others the same respect.

My heart is burdened.

The world is a pretty competitive place.  We compete on the sports field, in the job market, on video games, for position within friendships, for authority over groups, for affection from our children, acceptance by society.  Competition permeates so much of what we do.

For years I was really burdened by the amount of competition that came between moms.
Breast vs. bottle.
Co-sleeping vs. crib.
On demand vs. on schedule.
Better toys for development.
Better car seats and strollers.
Better developmental programs.
TV vs. No TV.
Babywearing vs. teaching independence.

Over 15 years of parenting, I have heard it all.

And it doesn't get easier as they get older.
Public vs. Private vs. Homeschool
Dating vs. Courting vs. None of the Above.
Make Up vs. no make up.

... the list really is infinite.

Years ago, I had come to a place where I could finally let all that go.  I couldn't care less what others were doing.  I was part of the parent team that God put in charge of these children.  He knew that we were the right ones to raise them, we would make the best decisions for them.  I learned to be confident in who I was as a mom.

So, let them have cake for breakfast on their birthday.

So... why am I burdened?

I am burdened by the competition that is rising between CHRISTIANS.

Recently, my eyes have been really opened to the level of competition between Christians on WHO IS THE BETTER CHRISTIAN.  The sad part is, many of them don't realize they are doing it.

It happened about a week ago, that I said something about my beliefs on a controversial subject & the response of the other person was the straw that broke the camels back.  He might as well of patted me on the head like a small child who doesn't know any better.  Apparently his education and more in depth knowledge of the subject meant he was right, and I was wrong.  And he not only pitied me.... but was truly GRIEVED that I could feel such a way.  He basically considered me a Christian who was being blinded from the truth.

Ironically, what he missed was that I agreed with him doctrinally.  My disagreement was in how people responded to the subject.... the hate and venom people spew at "sinners" is heartbreaking.

And the more I sat and thought about my conversation with him, the more I realized that he truly believed he was a better Christian because he could see this "TRUTH" that I was obviously missing.  I realized he wasn't the only one in my life who had elevated themselves above other Christians for their "knowledge" that others don't have.

I started sitting back and really looking at what people were saying and doing.  I thought back on conversations of the past, and my heart grew more and burdened.

These divisions and competition were not even on the big controversial subjects.  They were over small bites of scripture and individual's interpretations of what it meant.  We were not allowing ourselves to be divided over subjects like "gay marriage", we were allowing our selves to be divided over subjects like....
--- what we eat.... as a "good Christian"
--- what we wear.... as a "good Christian"
--- what we watch on tv (or watching tv altogether)... as a "good Christian"

It is amazing how quickly we can judge other Christians because their walk doesn't match our own.

Judging because they don't read the bible as much as I do.
Judging because they don't serve the community as much as I do.
Judging because their approach to parenting is different than mine.

Even judging them because they read a particular version of the bible, and we feel our version is best.

We already feel on our own that we are not doing enough as a Christian, that our walk could be more dedicated.  We have Satan taking every opportunity to tell us that we are less than worthy and trying to derail us with reminders of our past mistakes.  Add into the mix someone who feels they are superior over you... wagging their finger in disapproval.... = disaster.

In Acts 15, a council forms to discuss how the gospel is being presented to new believers.  Ultimately after discussing all the facets and commandments and beliefs, they come to this conclusion in verse 19 "It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God."

This was not an excuse to allow them to do what ever they wanted, but rather a reminder that we should stick to the important things.  Letting the rest come naturally as the spirit moves them.  In fact they kept it pretty simple 1) No consuming foods offered to idols.  2) No sexual immorality.  3) No eating of meat from strangled animals or consuming blood.

That was it.

When we think back on the commands from Jesus, himself... we were told to 1) Love God with all our heart and 2) Love our neighbors as ourselves ... and then in the great commission to go out and share the gospel.  The council clarified it was about the big picture, and no so much the little details.  They trusted the Holy Spirit to convict each person.

 Within Christian circles, we have returned to the very thing that brought this council together.  Each group, thinking they have it right.  Man made rules and laws of what a "Good Christian" looks like.  We try to put our passions upon believers based on our own convictions.  We hold them to a standard that their faith should be expressed in these works.  Yet we know that our faith is sufficient for salvation and works are a fruit of the spirit.  But, today we see more and more people adopting a works based faith. That as long as we do x, y and z... then we are being righteous Christians.  Scripture warns us if we do all these THINGS without LOVE, then they are meaningless.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

1If I speak in the tongues^a of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^b but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

When I look at those casting judgements on other Christians, is it really coming from a place of Love?  Or, from a need to be RIGHT?   Are you doing these things because GOD has called you to it, or because you need to LOOK RIGHTEOUS?  Where is your heart?  


It hurts to hear someone telling you that they are speaking "Truth in Love"... but LOVE is not present.  It really is "TRUTH in RIGHTEOUSNESS" or "TRUTH IN PIETY".

Because they really don't want you to change because your heart tells you to, because they seed the planted has been developed by the Holy Spirit.  They want you to change to their ways because they see themselves as RIGHT, ELEVATED, MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE, etc.

They think we are naive... and yet they are blinded to their own sin.

My heart is burdened to those who have forgotten what LOVE really looks like... when demonstrated to the non believers & those who are growing in their faith.

Daughters of the King

Proverbs 31:10  A virtuous woman, who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies.

If you look to the dictionary to define "virtuous", Webster will tell you it means confirming to a moral and ethical principals, morally excellent; upright.  Certainly those are great things to find in a woman.  But that isn't the Bible's definition of "virtuous". 

The original Hebrew word, used in scripture is Chayil (khah' -yil) and it means:  A FORCE... AN ARMY... STRENGTH... ABLE... SUBSTANCE... WORTHY.

If we re-read the scripture using this definition, it reads "A strong, able, worthy, woman of substance, who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies."

Read that aloud.  Do you find yourself sitting up a little taller, feel a little stronger, and your confidence increase?  When the trials and tribulations of life come at you, remember who you are!  You who were adopted by our Abba Father... daughter of the King.  (1 Peter 2:9)

Father, I pray that I can see myself through your eyes: as a valuable, worthy and strong woman who is capable of doing what you ask of me.  Let me hear your voice, direct my life and fill me with the courage to take the first step.  Amen. 

*Written by Gena McCown for TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog