Leaders Listen.

Whether you find yourself leading your home, or leading a church or an organization... LISTENING is a huge factor in successful leadership.

As I said in a previous post, I attended an amazing conference this weekend, The Gospel Coalition's National Women's Conference, in Orlando Florida.  I actually happened upon the article, on their website while I was killing time.

This quote jumped out of the article at me, as if it was written in crimson lettering.

Godly leaders must listen to Christ, who is their Head (cf. Eph. 4:15). But godly leaders must also listen to the people they lead (cf. Acts 6:1-6.)

                                                                                        Leaders Listen  by Jen Pollock Michel

It is important that as leaders we are in fact listening to God first, just as the article suggests.  Yet too often we forget to listen to those we are leading.  The article is really written toward men, Pastors, about listening to the women in the church's needs.  Indicating that since they are male, do not understand those needs by nature, they really need to listen to the women in order to understand their needs & be able to provide them.

But, my thoughts went beyond that, into our homes, our families, our relationships with others, and our own leadership of other women.


There is a difference between leading from in front vs. directing from above.


If you missed the link the article CLICK HERE

Movement.

This weekend I attended The Gospel Coalition's National Women's Conference, in Orlando FL.   The woman who arrived, and the woman who left... simply are not the same person.

Prior to this conference, I was in a "state of shift".  My friend, Jane, coined that phrase in reference to that time period where you know that a change is going to happen, but you are not sure what it is.  And, I think it's a pretty good description.  If you have ever driven a manual transmission car (aka stick shift, or 5 speed) you will know shifting is the act of moving from one gear to the next.  You start in first gear, shift to second, and so on. 

When you drive a manual transmission car, there is a cue that it is time to shift from one gear into the next.  In the past, you would watch the RPMs to know when to shift.  In the more modern, smart cars, there is an indicator to let you know to shift (aka "the dummy light").  But for those of us who have been driving manual cars for a long time, we can actually feel a change in the car, it tells us that it is time to shift.

The good news is that with a car, you know where you are shifting to.  The next gear.  However, in life, when you start feeling that need to shift....  you are not always certain where you are shifting to.

It is exciting.

It is, also, terrifying.  

The unknown.

By the end of the conference, I was no longer in a "state of shift" but instead I was in forward movement.  Some very clear directions were delivered to me.  I have a place to shift to.  I still don't know the final destination, but that is ok.  When driving a manual car, you don't shift from first gear to fifth.  You have to work up through the rest of the gears first.

I have a lot to say in the coming weeks about the conference itself, so I'm leaving a bit of a cliffhanger. 

But right now, I sit back in awe.  Listening to the Word of God.  Following His directions for today, and letting tomorrow worry about itself.

Stranded

It was one of those moments that can send a parent into a panic.  My van wouldn't' start.  I was stranded at home. My children were not.  I was leaving the house to pick them up from VBS and the van wouldn't start.  My children were stranded at the church.

I left a message for one of the volunteers.  But, the longer it took for me to hear back, the more panicked I was.  Thus began a mass of phone calls and text messages to every volunteer I knew would be there after the initial exodus of parents and children.  Every parent that I knew would be there picking up their children.  Particularly the ones I knew would most likely linger to talk or help afterwards.

All of this despite my knowledge that my children were safe, couldn't possibly be in a better location for this to have had happened, full of people who would know something must have happened for me to not be there.  I knew that someone would notice my children, and even if everyone I reached out to didn't see my number or text on their phones, I'd be getting a phone call from the church.  I knew my children wouldn't be left behind.

Yet I was a wreck.  I was in a panic.  I just needed to know that someone got my message.  I needed that reassurance to settle my panic.

The enemy knows what buttons to push.  He knows the things that upset us, worry us, concern us and frighten us.  He will use this knowledge to find ways to disrupt our peace, corrupt our thinking, obscure our clarity and tear at our hearts. 

Isaiah 41:10 reads  "Do not panic.  I'm with you.  There is no need to fear because I am your god.  I'll give you strength.  I'll help you.  I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. 

Father God, you are faithful to your promises and your word tells us that no word from you will ever fail.  In my weakness you are my strength.  In my pain you are my comforter.  Help me Lord, to ignore the influence of the enemy and rely on your word.  Help me to abandon my fears and worries and keep my trust in your promises.  I have nothing to fear, for you are my protector, my refuge, my rock and I lay my burdens at your feet.  Amen.

* Written By Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotions

Can a marriage be saved?

It's a cliche that we hear in movies.... "We don't have anything in common anymore."

It's usually the line that precedes the break up of a couple.

So, what happens when you find yourself in that position?

It happened in a conversation one evening, between a seemingly happy married couple.  He wanted physical intimacy, and that need was not being met.  She wanted emotional intimacy, and that need was not being met.  In what started as a heated argument about who should bend and catch 22's... "if you... then I..." statements.  It happened.

She said:  I don't feel connected to you.  You are at work all day.  Distracted when you get home for hours.  I feel ignored the better part of the evening.  Then when we come to bed, you thinking watching a 30 minute tv show together is enough.  I feel disconnected from you, I feel like you give me what you have left over instead of your best.

He said: You are right.  I don't know you anymore, and I haven't made the effort to.  "We don't have anything in common anymore".

Her heart sank.  Those words always lead to divorce.

She got very quiet.  Tears streaming down her face.

After a pause, he continued:   That is not good enough.  I have to change that.


What made me share this conversation, was the introduction I had been given to a website that focuses on the effects of divorce upon children.  It made me think about my parents divorce.  It made me think of some of our most difficult moments in our marriage.

I believe, firmly, that most marriages can be saved.  Even when we don't have anything in common anymore.  We don't have to walk away.  We just have to make the choice, to take a chance and make a change.

When I first met my husband we had 2 things in common.  The first was our group of friends, and the second was skating.  I was a skater girl and he was a skater boi.  Ha.  Other than that, I knew no other things that we would have in common.  It came over time, conversations when we were out with our friends.  Conversations when we were dating.  We learned there were a LOT of things we had in common.  Over the years, to be honest, my husband's interests haven't changed much.  Mine have.  I am not the same woman he married.

He has two choices.  He can leave, or he can get to know the woman I have become.

My husband chose the latter, and made the decision to begin dating me again.  Getting to know my interests, trying to have conversations with me about what he thinks I may be interested in, etc.

I have two choices.  I can leave things as is, being strangers in our own home.  Or, I can let him in & start introducing him to the things that interest me.

I chose the latter.

And that is what marriage is... not just a commitment, but a choice to continue that commitment, to reshape it, to learn about each other all over again.

Can a marriage be saved?  Yes.

You just have to be willing to do the work.  Some will require more work, more time.

In what felt like a second, I was done. Broken. Mending.

Throughout the Old and New Testaments there are instances where people literally were so upset that they tore at their clothes.  In all instances it came at a time where a person was so distressed, so grieved by what was happening around them, that they literally tore at their clothing, sometimes stripping them off and other times leaving them in shreds.  

There were instances where this occurred because someone was mourning a death.  Others were instances where someone anointed by God was mourning over the behavior of those around them, particularly in response to lack of faithfulness or disobedience by God's people.

Joel 2:12-14
“Even now,” declares the Lord,
    “return to me with all your heart,
    with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

¹³ Rend your heart
    and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
    for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
    and he relents from sending calamity.
¹⁴ Who knows? He may turn and relent
    and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
    for the Lord your God.

Rend = tear (something) into two or more pieces.

The Lord wants us to come to Him with our broken hearts.  And more importantly God wants what breaks our heart, to be the same thing that breaks His.  Because, when we are broken for God... we are bound to act on His behalf to heal those wounds.

We feed, clothe and shelter the needy.

We rescue those in despair.

We support and encourage the broken in spirit.

While my heart breaks for these people.... I have never been broken to the point of tearing at my clothes for them.  I never understood that part of scripture, being so broken by this world that I would literally tear at myself, with my own two hands.    

Then it happened the 1st time.  But, I admit I wasn't grieved for God.  It was a result of an argument with my husband.  It was the only time, he ever walked out of our bedroom and slept on the couch.  The argument was stupid, to be honest, we were both wrong in allowing something so ridiculous to escalate to that point.  I began to weep in a way that I had never known in my life.  And I felt my hands grasping at my clothes.  My husband heard my cries and returned to me.  He could feel my despair, he was broken by my tears.  We apologized and reconciled.  It has never happened again.  But I learned a lot in that moment, I learned how much I loved my husband... more than I ever realized. I realized how important our marriage was to me.  I also realized and accepted my part in what brought us to that moment.  I saw the man whom I was angry at, return to me and become tender and compassionate.  I saw him accept his role in our argument.  We vowed to never come to this place again.  And, we haven't.

For the first time, I understood the actual physicality of that type of grief, mentioned in the bible so many times.    I understood what it meant to be so broken that you would literally tear the clothes off your body.  It would be several years later that I would experience this grief again, but this time... I was not grieving for myself.  I was grieving for God.

It had been a culmination of things.  I was being hit from different directions by Christians in my life, who were claiming to know what a "good Christian" does and doesn't do.  In some cases they were united in their attack on a certain subject, in other times they were divided.  Through online media sources, I would see more and more about Christians attacking other Christians.  People who are good willed, good natured people... just trying to get it right.  My heart began to break.  Slowly.  Then, all at once.  I was overwhelmed by emotion.  I found myself in my hall way, leaned against a wall, tearing at my clothes and weeping.... deep heaping sobs.... the only words coming out of my mouth were to God... asking "WHY?"

I can't even tell you how long this happened for, it felt like an eternity.  My heart was literally broken.  I spoke my heart to God that day. 

A week or two later, I was taking a spiritual gifts test.  When it came time to look at my scores, I wasn't really surprised by the results.  Gift of Administration, yeah.. I saw that coming.  But I was very sad, as I saw my score for Evangelism was so low.  I went to my mentor, to discuss this with her, because I was obviously failing at the great commission.    I mean, how do we go out and share the gospel... if we don't... go out... and share the gospel.    

It was in this conversation with my mentor, for the first time, I vocalized my broken heart for the church.  I told her that I found myself with greater concern over the division within the church, than I was about those who were not believers.  As we explored this topic... I broke down in tears.  She asked me why I was crying, and I said "It breaks my heart, because they should know better."

After a hug and some encouragement, and my lamenting that I really wished we had a person writing to churches on behalf of God.... she said, "You need to pray about what to do with this."

She didn't try and change me, or point me in the direction of evangelism.  She recognized that my heart was breaking, for something that was breaking God's heart.  The question was, "now what?".

I do not feel of any authority to write any particular church.  Who would listen to me?  Who am I?  But the question of "now what?" lingered.

My broken heart could not be mended if I sat complacent.  Indecisive.  Wallowing in my grief.

I prayed for peace.

Then I did the exact thing that people who have a gift for administration and teaching would do... I researched.  I turned to google with search topics like "letters to the churches of America"... "broken for the churches in America"... "the church breaks my heart".  

I found two very surprising things.

1) I was not alone.  There are others who are grieving with me.  Other people who were broken hearted about how we were treating one another, how divided we were.  Wondering, where was the unity that we should have in Christ?

2)  Not a single one of these letters were filled with any sort of hate speech.  There were not letters written by churches like "Westboro Baptist Church".  These were letters filled with love for God, love for people, and great pain at what was being witnessed in the church.  Written by every day people like you and I.

And as I poured through blog posts, articles, pastors websites, etc.... everything funneled back to one thing....DIVISIVENESS.

We, as a church, are supposed to be UNITED with each other UNDER God's authority, UNDER the blood of Christ, and UNDER the direction of the Holy Spirit.

We, as a church, are supposed to be IN the world, but not OF the world.  To stand apart from the world, to be seen as different.... salt, light.  Yet, not to be absent from it, walled up in our cities built by man made rules, regulations, and standards. 

We, as the church, are too busy fighting amongst ourselves about the most ridiculous of subjects, that we are seen as nothing more than hypocrites, fools and full of hate.

No wonder the world sees us as hate filled... when we can't even love our brothers and sisters in Christ!

We stand divided on issues that in the grand scheme of salvation bear NOT ONE SHRED OF IMPORTANCE.

God, doesn't care if your baptism is a sprinkle or a dunk, in a cement baptismal or in the open ocean.  

God, doesn't care what the name of your denomination is, so long as it is a bible believing & teaching church.  

God doesn't care how you feed your babies, teach your children, decorate your home, as much as he cares that WE HAVE OUR EYES TURNED TO CHRIST!   In fact, that is the ONLY THING that matters.  That is the ONLY THING that is important.  

We care.  We think our way is right, best and we will defend it against anyone who questions otherwise.... and even those who don't.  In fact we are almost offensive with it.   Not offensive, as in rude, inappropriate.  But offensive, like in football.... aggressive.  

I realized that God was breaking my heart for what breaks His.  He is broken over the divisiveness in our churches and amongst Christians.  He is broken hearted over the infighting between each other, which keeps us from being the love, light and salt He asked of us.  We put so much effort in defending ourselves and our beliefs/traditions/denominations/etc.... that we have nothing left to represent him with.

We are told in the scriptures to clothe ourselves with kindness, gentleness, compassion, etc.

Yet we spew venom at each other.

We are told in the scriptures to think of what is good, noble, pure, worthy, etc.

Yet we spend our time pointing at everything that is "wrong" in the world, without pointing to what is right.

We are told in the scriptures that the blessed are the meek, the poor, the peacemakers, etc.

Yet we spend more time attacking others and defending ourselves, than loving and helping.

We have allowed topics like... baptism procedure, bible translations, schooling choices, baby feeding, become SPIRITUAL debates.  We fight amongst each other, and take our eyes off of Jesus.

And the scariest part to me?  We don't realize it is happening.  We stand in our righteousness, not realizing we are being played by Satan ... like puppets on strings.

The battle is not between YOU and I over human decisions. The battle is between US and Satan. Because ANYTHING that distracts us from Jesus, is a victory for him.  Anything that causes division between us, creates division between us and Jesus.  Anything that causes us to sin against each other, creates a veil between us and God.  Anything that causes us pain, pains God.

WE break God's heart every day.

And we, as His children, hurt Him more than any non-believer.    When a neighborhood child said "I hate you" or disobeys my rules, I don't like it.  But, it's not a big deal to me.  You can't follow my rules, you are not welcome here. End of story.   But, when one of MY CHILDREN says those words... or disobey me... it hurts.  When I hear one of my children yell to their sibling "I hate you".... it hurts.  My heart breaks, and I immediately intervene and being the process of reconciliation. 

I imagine God feels even worse, when He witnesses fighting between us... His children.

My heart broke over the divisiveness in the church, amongst Christians.

And I am done.  I can't change you, but I can change ME.

I can only mend my heart by loving, as God has called me to love.  By giving the same mercy, grace, love and compassion that God has given to me. 

I will not be a divisive Christian any longer.

I choose to be focused on my own sins, my own shortcomings.  I have enough to work on in myself, I will leave YOUR WORK to the Holy Spirit.

I will show people Jesus, I will show them Christ through my actions and my life.  I will not try and sell them on my version of Jesus & what living with Christ looks like. I will let the Holy Spirit do that.  I'll just handle the introductions & love them.  Any work that has to be done, will be in my life and my house.  It's time for me to start whittling away at my plank.

 

Blind sided by our Children

There is a person in my life who is entirely blind sided by her children.   She has a very open relationship with her kids, they can talk about anything.  This is great.  But they also have a very protective relationship over their children, with a lot of expectations of them.  It particularly evident in their restrictions upon dating.

We are little more open to "dating" than they are.

One of the things that has begun to happen is that their eldest daughter is finding ways to get around their rules and restrictions.  One of these methods to help her stay under the radar is by throwing my daughter under the bus.

You see, she knows all the right "Christian" things to say to her parents to get their trust and respect.  She talks about not wanting to date.  She even points her finger at my daughter and says that she doesn't want to be "boy crazy" like her.  (Mind you, my daughter is hardly boy crazy).  Her parents believe her.  And so they trust her.

It happened not that long ago that their daughter invited herself to a sleepover at our house.  The girls plans were to go to the mall the next day and "window shop".  Then my daughter suddenly canceled the plans.  This was very out of character for her.    When I was finally able to get the reason from her, I found out that her friend was using us.  She was the one who really wanted to go to the mall, and she was planning to "accidentally" run into a boy there.  A boy she really likes.

The same boy she has been selling to her parents as a "nice guy, but not my type".

Several months later, I found a few note books in the trash.  I was checking them to see if they were full or if there was any paper still left.  This is pretty common from school.  They will have a notebook or composition book and only use about 1/3 of it.  We tear out the pages and the kids use it around the house for journals, sketching, etc.

It happened that one of them my daughter had started to use as a journal. I couldn't help it, I read it.

In it she was lamenting about how her friend's mom sees her as some sort of boy crazy "slut" but in fact her friend has had more "boyfriends" and had "done more things with boys" than she had.  She went on about the cancelled sleepover & how she didn't want to be involved in deceiving her friends mom.  She didn't want to be blamed as a bad influence.  She didn't her friend using her.  She didn't want to potentially hurt the relationship between this mom and I, by putting me in this position.

I was really proud of my daughter, she recognized these things & made the right decision to protect herself and her family.  I was really sad for this girl, because I know where lies and deception can get you.  And I was hurt that my daughter recognized this woman as someone who looked down on us, all while calling us friends.  She knew her friend's mom saw her in an unflattering light.

Ladies, parents... lets be very real.  Our children know us.  They know what to say, what we want to hear.  If we don't keep at least a small dose of skepticism in our trust of them.... we are going to be blindsided. 

A Christian without a Mentor is Limited

Early in my walk, as a Christian, I really didn't have a mentor.  I did have a few people in my life I could ask questions of... and they didn't look at me as a fool.  They understood that I was growing.  But, I didn't have anyone who took me under their wing and helped guide me on my walk.


Now, much later in my walk, I have several mentors in my life.  I recently was meeting with one of them.  We were talking about the book of Revelation and the churches listed in Chapters 2 & 3. We were discussing how these different churches mirrored our current world..... the attitudes not just of countries but even of our churches today.

The church in Ephesus had the head knowledge but not the heart knowledge.  They kept up the beliefs, the traditions, etc...without understanding why.  It was empty.  They were on auto pilot.  Serving Jesus without loving Jesus.

It was then my friend, and mentor, mentioned how important it was that we have mentors in our walk from very early on.  Without a mentor we can allow ourselves to get caught up in the rules, the deeds, the work of our faith without actually having real faith.  We know all the things we should do and shouldn't do, but yet we don't really understand the why and more importantly the WHO behind it.

As we continue to grow in our knowledge, without a mentor to guide us, we can end up just like the church of Ephesus.  We will have the head knowledge without the heart knowledge.  And then eventually we become like the pharisees.  We stand firm and strong in our righteous knowledge, without loving the least of these.... the poor in spirit, the broken, the lost.

Mentors help us to see the bigger picture.  They help us to learn from their wisdom and experience that our impact on others has to start from a place of love.  Loving them in spite of their faults, not excusing them.  But understanding that we have to start from a place of love and not condemnation.

When you first love a person, taking the time to get to know them and understand them, you build your credibility with them. They learn to trust you.  Trusting that you really care for them and this isn't just your attempt to add another success story to your book of people's lives that you have changed.

In your attempts to share the Gospel, a mentor reminds you that it is not your job to change them.  But to love them.  The Holy Spirit will change them.  Your greatest testimony comes from your example.  We have all know of people who were considered "great" and looked up to, and the moment the truth of their depravity came out... it contradicted all the good they had done.

A mentor tells you to focus more on making yourself better, your walk better, your testimony better than trying to change others.  In fact, dear one, YOU are not as big of a part of their testimony as you think.  In fact, you are quite insignificant to the transformation that Christ does in them. 

My mentor told me that she can tell relatively quickly when someone has been mentored or not.  You can see it in their attitude towards others.

If you don't have a mentor, maybe it is time to find one.  In fact, you may need more than one.

Wondering how to find a mentor?

1) Pray.  Pray that God will reveal the person to you.
2) Let Go.  Let go of all the preconceptions of what a mentor should be.  Do not base it on age, years as a Christian, family size.  I remember once a woman in the church came to me for advice on marriage.  She was much older than I was, and I was caught off guard.  I found out as we talked, that she had only been married a few years.  While I was significantly younger than her, I had 10+ more years of marriage experience than she.
3) Be Open.  Be open to having just one mentor, or more.  God will bring those whom you need, don't turn away wisdom because you "already have one".
4) Talk to your Pastor or his wife.  If you need mentorship in a specific area, they may know just the right person for you.
5) Don't Give Up.  You may try out a mentor relationship & it just isn't working.  That is ok, you can change mentors. But make sure you are changing them because it's not the right fit... and not because they are saying things you don't want to hear. 

Eyes Wide Open - Realizing the Truth

For quite sometime I have been lamenting over a friendship that had fallen apart.  I understood what brought our friendship to an end.  I accepted that even if we could become friends again it would never be the same.  And, to be honest, I really wasn't holding out any hope that our friendship would be repaired.  Sometimes, things are just over and it is time to move on.

However, this was proving to be harder that I expected.  The reality of the situation was this wasn't just my friendship that ended.

Our husbands were friends.
Our children were friends.
In fact, we were really more like family.

So, despite my head knowledge of an ended friendship... my heart still longed for that family that was missing from our lives.

It's been about 5 months now.  Our oldest daughters are occasionally in touch.  Husbands too.

I asked my husband a few nights back if he had spoken with her husband recently.  He said that it had been a few days and commented about their inability to spend any time together.  What ended up happening was an hour long conversation about not the situation but the family I was missing so much.  Not about all the details of what went wrong, or how it could be repaired... but just about the family.

What I realized....

I missed her husband.  Truth was, I probably had more in common with him than her.

I missed her kids.  I loved their kids, like my own.  I missed not knowing what was going on in their lives.

I even missed their pets!  

I realized that in the years I have known that family, I have watched friends come and go... we aren't the first & won't be the last.

I realized that when we would be over there with other families... often their wives were not there.  It would be the husbands with the kids.

I realized that on those occasions when there were other women around, their husbands were not there.  It was then my husband stated that as long as we have been friends, he never felt her husband was as vested in the friendship as he was.  And that, he believed that her husband kept a distance with all their friends because he never knew when they were going to leave.

She drives people out of her life.

She also suffers from depression and low self esteem.

I didn't recognize it, but she does what a lot of people who suffer from serious depression do.  They distance themselves from people.  Not just by pulling themselves away, but by even going so far as to push those who are closest to them away.  That creates even more distance.

I had seen this behavior in others before, but I suppose I was too close to recognize it in my own "best friend".

But what does this mean?

The conversation helped me realize that I wasn't as close to her as I thought.  If we were really that close of friends, I would have recognized it.

It helped me realize that what I was really missing was the family, not her specifically.  But she was part of the package deal.

It also helped me realize that despite our friendship being over, she is a woman who needs to be prayed for. 

The Woman I Want to Be

 - Diane Von Furstenburg

It is very easy, in life, to be focused on what we want to do.  We want to be successful.  We want to be a doctor, lawyer, actress, writer, a wife, a mother, a friend, a mentor, etc.  We want to be a lot of things, but when do we spend time thinking and dreaming about the kind of woman we want to be?

Scripture has some great women, women of worthy character that we can study.  We can learn from Esther, we can submit to God like Mary, we can have wisdom like Deborah and we can even try to attain the Proverbs 31 Woman status.  One thing I have learned, though, is that their stories are as unique to their life, as their fingerprints are to their body. 

God had an individual plan for each of those women, and He shaped their lives and formed the pathways to get them to His purpose.  No two stories, or journeys, were the same.

Instead of looking at the successes of other people, we need to seek God's purpose in our life.  We need to reach out to Him and ask for Him to move us, and guide us. While we wait for His response, we don't need to sit around.  Waiting for God is active, we have things to do "in the mean time".  We can work on our character as women of God.  Honest.  Dependable.  Modest.  Humble.  Wise.  Compassionate.  Gracious.  Merciful.  Submissive.  Prayerful.   Students of the Word.   Generous.  Ethical.  Loving.  Positive.     More directly, Matthew 5:1-12 reads:

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.  Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.   Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.  Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

If we want to begin working on our character, and defining what kind of woman we want to be.... we can start in His Word, pray for His guidance, and never give up trying to be better than we were the day before.

Lord, I pray that you help me to become the woman you created me to be.  Walk with me along the way, holding my hand, catching me when I stumble and setting me back on the straight path.  Help me to refine myself to be the best example of having Christ in my life, as possible.  Amen.

* Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

You never know when another Christian is around, and THAT is the problem.

I recently had a foot-in-mouth moment.

I was sitting IN the church building, not during service, but for a workday.

I was surrounded by Christians and NON Christians.  We were currently renovating the church building, so we had volunteers from the body and hired help from the community.

Now, I can have a pretty dry sense of humor and sometimes I can sling sarcasm and witty bits out like I was David slinging stones at Goliath.  Precision people, precision.

And while I am not going into the details of what I said, lets just say..... I let a one liner slip.  And the 2 guys who heard it were hysterically laughing.  They had made a comment, I made a quick witty response.  It happened before I could even think it through.  Like when you cough and your gum shoots out of your mouth onto the floor.

Not only did it come out of my mouth.... there was not putting it back in.

Immediately I said "Oh, I shouldn't have said that."

The contractor guy said "Yeah, I'm not sure I want to sit next to you... lightening might strike you."

We all laughed about it.  Me more nervously, all the while I was self deprecating in my head.

I came home and told my husband the story.  I said "I am so glad no one from the church was there to hear it.  I don't know what I was thinking."

My husband, God bless him, has a pretty warped sense of humor and he found it funny.  He would have found it funnier if someone from the church was there to hear it too.  But, that is why I married him.  He understands that not everything that comes out of my mouth is meant earnestly.  He gets my humor.  He doesn't ever hold it against me, because he knows exactly the kind of person I am.

But that day hasn't left my memory.  Because, I was relieved that there wasn't anyone from my church in the room.  But that doesn't mean there wasn't another Christian in the room.  That doesn't mean that a person who knows nothing about me, didn't hear a member of my church (me) say something mildly inappropriate.  And, if those who were in the room with me were truly unbelievers... I am not sure I helped my witness at all.

And then I continued thinking about it.  And today... there was something that hit me...

We are called to be different than the world.

If we are in a room with others, they should know by our behavior, words and actions that we are Christians.

If they can't discern us as different than the rest of the world, we are doing something wrong.

I learned I needed to tame my tongue.

I am not saying we need to wear bonnets and dresses down to our ankles.  I am saying that our presence should exude God.  We are His vessels in this world.  When they see us, they see Him.  How are we presenting Him to the world?

At the same time, this doesn't give us permission to unleash a verbal tirade to everyone in the world who is not living up to His standards.  We still approach people with compassion, mercy and grace.  We still address non-believers differently than we would address believers.  We address new believers differently than we would addressed seasoned believers.

There is balance.

The world is constantly surprised when a Christian is NOT a hypocrite.  When they actually live, breathe and walk in accordance to the world.  This should be a GIVEN not an EXCEPTION.

Because the world sees this as an exception, and not a given... it means we are falling short.  We need God, we need Jesus, we need the Holy Spirit more than ever to come into our lives, transform us... how we act, what we say, etc MORE THAN EVER.

We are starting to blend into the world.  We are becoming the gray in the darkness.  We need to be the light.

Daughters of the King

Proverbs 31:10  A virtuous woman, who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies.

If you look to the dictionary to define "virtuous", Webster will tell you it means confirming to a moral and ethical principals, morally excellent; upright.  Certainly those are great things to find in a woman.  But that isn't the Bible's definition of "virtuous". 

The original Hebrew word, used in scripture is Chayil (khah' -yil) and it means:  A FORCE... AN ARMY... STRENGTH... ABLE... SUBSTANCE... WORTHY.

If we re-read the scripture using this definition, it reads "A strong, able, worthy, woman of substance, who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies."

Read that aloud.  Do you find yourself sitting up a little taller, feel a little stronger, and your confidence increase?  When the trials and tribulations of life come at you, remember who you are!  You who were adopted by our Abba Father... daughter of the King.  (1 Peter 2:9)

Father, I pray that I can see myself through your eyes: as a valuable, worthy and strong woman who is capable of doing what you ask of me.  Let me hear your voice, direct my life and fill me with the courage to take the first step.  Amen. 

*Written by Gena McCown for TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

I had to be told THREE times.

"Do not have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments
because you know they produce quarrels."  2 Timothy 2:23

 Honestly.  I could just stop there.  That moment when scripture itself speaks directly to the problem at hand.  The scripture that needs no interpretation or explanation.  It's plain and clear.  You do not need a Strong's Concordance for this one.  

Yet, this was not even the first time this warning was spoken.  It had already been mentioned in 2 Tim 2:14.  But, it needed repeating within the SAME chapter!  When you keep reading, you'll find it again in the next book, Titus (2:9) 3 times in just a few short chapters.  Lord, I think I might be finally getting your message.  I sit here convicted.  I should have known better.  In fact, I did know better.

We have all been there at some point or another, where we find ourselves in an argument or stand off with another person (friend, coworker, parent, spouse, child).  In the end we hug, making up for arguing over "something so stupid".  (I know a few of you reading this are shaking your head in agreement).  But, in short order, we find ourselves doing it again.  Engaged in another pointless argument over something that in the grand scheme of life means nothing.  

Let it happen too often, and stupid arguments become big quarrels.   They will begin putting stress on relationships, and ultimately breaking them.  Some times beyond repair.   Convicted.  That's me. I have allowed myself to engage in stupid arguments too many times. I have felt the pain.  I have sensed the stress.  I have failed to repair.

Proverbs 21:23 "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

Lord, I am grateful that your word continues to be a guide in my life.  I pray for discernment on how and when to use my words, and when they are best left unsaid.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

The Christmas We Forgot

Proverbs 16:9  ”In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

When it comes to holidays, Christmas is our favorite.  We always put forth some effort into our decorations, adding each year.  We have a goal, you see. One that has been in place since we were first married, and I took my husband to "Gabriel Lane" to see the most amazing Christmas lights he had ever seen.  The entire neighborhood decorated.  Even the Jewish residents would have blue and white lights, Star of David décor.  There was a house on the street that had a Candy Cane theme.  Since Christmas was his favorite time of year, and since we both loved this house the most. That was our goal.

Over the years there have been some Christmases where the budget was tight, or time didn't seem to be on our side.  I even remember saying to my husband one year.... "You keep saying that this is your favorite time of the year.  You say that, but I don't think you mean it".  Why did I say this?  Because he wasn't getting our decorations up fast enough.  In fact there was one year we didn't have our lights up at all & I was FURIOUS.  Like, steam coming out of my ears furious.  It put a damper on the entire holiday for me.

How ridiculous I was being.  I vowed to never be that way again.  I was being a Martha in a very Mary moment.  I was focused on tasks, my to do list, my timeline.... it was affecting my time with my family & my attitude toward others.  It took my focus off the reason for the season, Jesus.

This year, the lights and snowflakes were hung.  But all of our yard decorations, we forgot.  The tree was trimmed, but all the other indoor decorations, we forgot.  Cookies for Santa, were baked... but only thanks to an early Christmas Eve gift from my mother of Easy Bake Ovens for the girls.  Reindeer food...?  Um, I had some carrots in the freezer.  Christmas Eve came and went.  Christmas morning came and went.  It was later that day, I realized we didn't even take any photos of the kids opening their gifts.  We forgot.

And the most remarkable thing? No one cared.  It was about us, it was about enjoy time together.  It wasn't about fuss.  We opened our doors that day and neighborhood kids came in and out to visit.  It's been a few days since, still no pictures of the kids with their gifts.  I forgot. It is so easy to get caught up in the details, our plans for how things should go or look.  But God often has a different agenda because his is not based on tasks but on relationship.  

God, I pray for those of us .... who get caught up in the details, may you soften our hearts and open our eyes to the things we are missing out on.  Let details be forgotten & memories made in 2014.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

Asking Why?

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.                      (Galatians 1:10)  

Recently, I met with my study group and one of the ladies attending asked a question that took me off guard.  She asked us all "Why?", specifically why were we doing this particular study, what was our motivation?

Why?  

That is a small question with big implications.  And, her question stuck with me.  Why, indeed.  I started applying that question to everything I was doing... my decisions, my schedule, my responses.  I began using it like a speed bump in my journey through life.  Allowing it to slow me down and really make me think.

 Then I noticed, I began to apply it to other people.  If they said something that upset me, instead of responding immediately... I asked myself "Why, do you think she said that?".

I was able to see things a bit clearer in my life and in my relationship with others.  Why, gave me clarity.

In Galatians 1:10, we are presented with a WHY question.  Why are we doing the things we do, saying the things we say?  Are we doing it for the approval of man?  Or, of God?  Are we doing it to be accepted by the world?  Or, is it for the Kingdom?  Are we trying to please others?  Or, God?

And, in a further step in thought.... am I doing it for my glory or His? In the new year, we face a lot of choices.  I challenge all of us to add the question of WHY into our decision making process.  Pray that God will reveal the motivations of our heart and the heart of others so that we can make the decisions that glorify Him!

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

Is Your Soap Box Too Big

 

“It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God.”    Acts 15:19

Recently, I was reading a blog series called “The Homemaking Pharisee” and a portion jumped off the screen at me. The author had a subject matter she was overtly passionate about, it was purely her opinion... but she had allowed it to become gospel to her. It had become an idol. Because of this, people were unwilling to talk to her or include her in discussions about the topic. Finally someone brought this to her attention. Her response: “I do not want to be that person who no one can talk to about that subject because my soap box is just too big.”.

  Some well meaning Christians can trip into being just like the Pharisees! We can get wrapped up in things we are passionate about or where God has called us & try to make everyone else apply that in their lives. A strong Christian can easily chuck those things right off their shoulders. We know what The Word says. But for a new believer, we can create unrealistic expectations. We can make ourselves seem so “holy” that they will fear even speaking to us!  And, when people start fearing talking to us... they can quickly disappear from our lives, our studies and our church.

Lord, I pray that you will reveal to me the areas where I have allowed my pride to get before my witness. Help me to soften my heart and my attitude to those around me. Let me speak your truth, not my own. Amen.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

In the World

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one.
John 17:15

There was a time in my early adulthood, I had to walk away from my friends. All of them. They were not good influences on me. When I had made some decisions in my life to change the path I was going down, they were not supportive. I knew at that time in my life, this was not working. I had to walk away. I had to surround myself with those who would lift me up, encourage me & help me stay on the straight and narrow.

In time, I would begin to surround myself with Christians who shared the same convictions. I would grow stronger in my faith. At first it was all very serious, bible studies, church fellowship. We were not having “fun” in the same sense as I did before. I can't deny that I missed having fun with my friends. Eventually, I found myself within a group of Christian women who were having FUN. We were laughing until the tears started flowing, we were dancing the night away, celebrating holidays with each other. Creating memories & filling that void in the “FUN” department that I had been longing for.

As I was putting myself back out in the world, I started making non-Christian friends too. We would have a good time together as well. But, admittedly I kept them separate. Let's face it, they didn't always use the best language and would sometimes have pretty liberal views on politics, religion and life in general. After several years, I decided I was going to have a small gathering of my friends. I had invited one of my non-Christian friends to attend. Unfortunately at the last minute, she had to cancel. But she said something I will never forget... “Gena, I am so disappointed that I couldn't come and meet the rest of your friends. I adore you, and you are such a great person...I am sure your other friends are too. I wish I could have met them. If they are anything like you, I bet they are lovely.” She was wanting to surround herself with more people like me. What made me different than any of her other friends or acquaintances? Christ.

She saw me as a Christian woman, who cared about people, was a dedicated wife and mother, but she also saw that I was fun to be around. She heard me, when I spoke about my failures and imperfections. She heard me, when I talked about striving to do and be better. Every conversation wasn't a deep theological debate. I wasn't trying to spend every waking moment of our friendship trying to convert her. I was simply being a good friend, who loved her, cared about her, and was there for her. As a natural part of our friendship... God entered the picture. If she was going to get to know me, it wasn't something that could be avoided. The more she go to know me, the more she desired to know more people that were like me.

God doesn't want us to surround ourselves with only other Christians. If we do that, we can't reach those who do not know Him. We have no influence on the world. We are not light in the darkness. However, we don't walk out into the world without His protection. We wear the Armor of God. We understand His love for us, and His desires for us to follow His word. We pray for His protection. We stand firm in our convictions. It is His spirit within us, that draws others to us. We are just the vessel.

A challenge my husband presented me with was to each day pray to God asking Him to make me a vessel in the course of my day.  Asking Him to give me the right words, at the right moment.  Sometimes we have a once in a life time opportunity to reach a person, other times it is slow through the course of building a relationship. 

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

I Stand Corrected

I am going to be honest, I do not take well to criticism.  I am an eager learner, I don't mind being corrected when I am wrong.  I value the opinions of others.  I am a move forward, not back kind of girl. But, there are times when I can allow criticism to get under my skin.  But, there is a difference between criticism and correction.

Recently my husband informed me that I “don't finish projects”.  For those reading this, who know me personally, you are probably wondering if this man knows me at all!  My husband was not correcting me or guiding me, he was being critical.  I didn't take kindly to it and I proceeded to remind him that he was the one who initiated our journey into Dave Ramsey living.  If he would like me to finish our household projects, I'd be happy to... the moment he handed me a credit card or expanded my personal budget.  (I was being very sarcastic, I really wouldn't do that.)   I wanted him to understand I was doing the best with what I was given, and he needed to be patient through our “cash only process”. 

As I was reflecting on the confrontation I had with my friend (see last week's devotion), I asked myself if I was being critical of her.  Or, was my assessment of the situation accurate & correction was the right course.  That is, after all, what correction is.  We are helping someone who has taken a turn get back on course.  In some cases it is an obvious sharp turn, and in others it has been a slow, gradual, drift.  When I struggle with anything like this, I always turn to the Word.  If I can figure out what God has to say about it, perhaps figuring out my next steps won't be so hard. I also reached out to those I consider wise counsel.

As a result, I came to find that scripture not only tells us that we should correct our sisters in Christ, but we are also told how we should be responding to correction.  In reading this, it not only confirmed for me that my friend was responding incorrectly, but also made me take at look at my own responses to correction (and criticism
too).

Proverbs 19:20     Take good counsel and accept correction— that’s the way to live wisely and well.

How do you respond when someone corrects you?  Do you get defensive?  Do you make excuses?  Do you try and pass the buck & blame someone else?  Or, do you try to justify your behavior in order to make it ok?  When you read last weeks devotion, did you relate to it?  Have you responded in the same way my friend did?  Do you take it personally when a friend tries to encourage you to have a different perspective?  And, as Pastor Gordon asked us in our last series... are you
teachable? 

This bit of advice was shared with me, just this past week:
"When someone gives you advice that you don't want to hear, you should not react until you have:
            1) prayed about it
            2) compared the advice to Scripture
            3) asked yourself, is it true?" 
      
Being accountable to each other as friends is a two way street.  We must be willing to not only give correction, but also receive it.  If I speak in truth and love, then I should receive with love and humbleness.  I need to embrace this person, who cared about me enough to call me out on my behavior, and help me realize what I was doing & become better for it.

Proverbs 27:17    As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Lord, I pray that you give me a mouth that speaks, when it is time to speak; and ears to listen, when it is time to listen.  Help me to speak in YOUR truths, through MY love for my sisters in Christ.  Let me received YOUR truth, through THEIR love for me.  Protect our friendship from division, so that we may continue to encourage each other to be focused on YOU. Amen.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

To Correct or Not To Correct.... that is the question.

 

Recently, one of my best friends sent me a vague text stating that she was angry.   During the course of the discussion, I realized that I disagreed with her take on the situation.  Even more importantly, from a spiritual standpoint, I didn't agree with how she was responding to the situation.  As her friend, and a Christian, I decided to correct her. After all, isn't that what we are told to do? 

2 Timothy 4:2     Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.

I wasn't mean, but I also didn't beat around the bush.  You see, this was a behavior that I had seen before.  As I recognized this pattern, it was like a veil was lifted & I suddenly saw some situations from her past in a new perspective.  Her response of anger was a pattern of behavior.  It wasn't healthy for her, or any one around her.   I knew that I needed to say something.  This correction, however, was not well received.  I thought I had handled it well.  I wasn't mean or harsh, but I also didn't beat around the bush either. Instead of appreciating my correction, what I got was the silent treatment.  The deafening silence continued for days; leading me to try and clarify my point.  I was also trying to fix her being upset with me.  The more I tried to fix it, the worse things got. Then, my mind started getting the better of me.

Galatians 6:1   Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restorehim in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Satan had gotten a hold of my ear.  Twisting the scenario around.  Tainting my thoughts and opinions ofher.  To the point that I was even playing out scenarios in my head of what our next conversation was going to be like.  Fortunately, despite everything going on in my head, my heart and my friendship... I was seeking God.  I was digging into his word about friendships & accountability; and the more I read, the more my heart softened.  I wasn't letting Satan mess with my mind any more.  I was reminded that I loved my friend.  I wanted to open her eyes to something she may not have been recognizing in herself.  I wanted to help her. 

Proverbs 17:17     A friend always loves, and a brother is born to share trouble.

How do we correct our Christian sisters?  First, I would recommend reading Matthew 18:15-17.  I am grateful for the clarity in God's word on the subject.   We need to first speak with them, privately.  Then if they don't listen, we come with 2-3 others.  If they still do not listen, you take it to your church leaders or body.  Oddly enough, this was the easy part.

Second, there were some important things I realized (in retrospect) that would have helped.  Hopefully my sharing them will be beneficial should you find yourself in this situation.     
    1.  She admitted she was already angry.  This was definitely not the right time, her emotions were on high alert.  She was not going to be able to hear me. 
                She was on the defensive.  Poor timing.
    2. Say it, then zip it.  If you do speak to your friend... say what you have to say, then zip your lips. Your friend may need time to process what you say to her. 
                And what may not even seem like a big deal to you, may be a big deal to her.  Stop trying to make your point, or smooth things over. Give her space.
    3.  Wait. Pray. Speak, only if led to.   Unless what your friend is about to do is going to cause immediate harm to her or others, wait to speak. When we wait, we
                then have time to reference scripture and pray.  Ask God if you should say something, how you should say it and when.Let God lead your correction.  God
                may end up leading you to keep your mouth shut altogether or just for the time being.  

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

Making Friends

CS Lewis once wrote. “Is there any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?” Over the years I am learning the truth of that statement, as it is something that is burning inside me to have and to develop. I have realized that I desire a deeper friendship with fellow Christians.  Not because I want to be exclusionary to non Christians... but I am finding that the more I hang out with Christians the deeper rooted my own faith is.  There is no greater memories that I have right now, than sitting around a table with my Christian friends... hysterically laughing, with tears streaming down our faces.

But there is even more than that.  As a mom, for many years, I was searching for the play dates.  The mom that I enjoyed hanging out with, and our kids enjoyed spending time together.  I often left my husband out of the equation, because these play dates were while he was at work.  These were my friends.  He had his own.  Yet, now, I realize that one day my kids are going to move out of this house.  My world will not revolve around them.  I want to have friends that my husband and I both like spending time with, so that long after the kids have left the nest... we are not sitting home alone on a Saturday night trying to entertain each other.

God also wants us to surround ourselves with good Christian friends.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

I want to have friends who have wisdom... as moms, wives, and sisters in Christ.  I want to get advice from those who share the same morals and values I do.  For they will not lead my astray from what God desires.  I have a good friend, and her husband travels a lot for work.  One of the things I have learned from her is that when he is home, family time is super important.  She won't make plans if it causes her to not be with the family during his short break home.  I want my family to realize that they are that important to me.

Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Too often I have allowed myself to get into that verbal tit for tat about the negative things in this life.  Perhaps it is a complaint session about husbands; or a venting session about kids, parenting or school.  While I may have started out our time together in a good mood, I would find that by the time I left ... I was in a very bad mood.  I was angry at my husband.  I was angry at my kids.  I was angry at the world.  In some cases, the person I was with was poking at the fire to get it hotter.  It brought me no good.  Or, that person was so argumentative that my thoughts would completely be encompassed.  In a recent situation my husband flat out told me that he didn't want to hear me complain about that person any longer.  He didn't even understand why we were friends.  That created some self examination on my part.

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

I need someone in my life that encourages me in the difficult moments.  That helps me to be a better person and better Christian.  I can only do this by surrounding myself with those who can fit this purpose.  My non Christian friends have rarely helped me in my personal walk.

Job 2:11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.

I have gone through some tough times this past year and a half.  It was during this difficulty I saw who my real friends were.  The ones checking in to see how not only my husband was doing during his healing, but also how I was doing.  The people who wouldn't take no for an answer & were dropping off food to lighten my load.  The friend who inadvertently was audience to my meltdown and not only forgave me for it... but reminded me that it was ok.  The ones who drop cards in the mail, texted me and have just simply been there.

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.

As I have realized that I not only want & NEED more Christian friends... I have also realized that in order to have them... I also need to be a good friend.  I need to do for others the very things I would want done for me.  I need to always be willing to go above and beyond for them.  I need to put in the effort, the same or more, as they do.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”   CS Lewis

Man was not meant to be alone.  We were made for community.  We were called to be together.  In worship and in living our lives.

* Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

I am NOT the boss.

Since I was a small child, I have been a bit of a boss. Some would say it is my Irish heritage, others would say that I am like my grandmother. The fact of the matter is, I can be bossy. Really bossy. A fact I have spent years trying to correct. Couple my inherent bossiness with my need for justice, and I am a force to be reckoned with. A great example of this, will take us on a journey to about 10 years ago.

I was working in direct sales & I was doing really well in the company, leader over my entire state. I also and had a very good relationship with the owner of the company.    We were getting ready for a large training event, and I sincerely disagreed with a decision the owner had made. I confronted the owner about it. I continued the disagreement with her over the issue to the point we had to have mediation through a neutral third party.

It was during a women's conference, about a year later, that in a single moment truth hit me. Who was I? Who was I to think I could tell this woman how to run her company? Right or wrong, this was not MY company. I had no right to expect her to bend to my demands.  I came home and immediately drafted a letter of apology to her. It had nothing to do with my feelings about the decision, but everything to do with me taking accountability for my actions. She graciously accepted my apology & our relationship began to heal over time.

Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

In my situation, I certainly felt I was right. Sometimes though it is not about being right, it is about being wise.   I made poor decisions on confronting the owner, poor decisions on how to react to her stance & in the end poor decisions on my part on how to proceed further.   The deeper I allowed myself to get into the argument, I became angry & I gave full vent to that anger. I made it personal, I elevated the situation and ultimately I brought us to the point of mediation. If I were wiser at that time, I would have tempered myself and my tongue.

Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Once I was able to realize my error, I was able to make amends. But, what was a strong relationship was going to take time to heal. It was a hard lesson to learn, but once you learn such a lesson you strive to not repeat the same mistake again.

God wants us to approach situations with wisdom and not foolishness.

Two women were before King Solomon, each claiming a child as their own. Solomon ordered the child to be cut in half, then each woman would be given half of the child. The true mother could have continued to argue that the child was hers. She would have been right, but her decision would have cost the life of her son. Instead, she opted to make a wise decision. She told Solomon to spare his life and give him to the other woman. It was through this wise decision on her part, that Solomon knew who the real mother was. The woman who put aside being right, and instead spared the life of the child. (A Wise Ruling 1 Kings 3:16-28)

Can you think of a time where your quest to be right, cost you more than you would have gained?

How can you rectify this past occurrence, or prevent it from happening again?

Heavenly Father, I ask you today to guide my words. Guide me to fight the good fight and to turn the other cheek. Help me to discern between being wise and being right. Let me find peace in times of strife & help me to find the path to restoration in relationships my decisions may have damaged. Through you I can forgive and be forgiven. Amen.

* Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog