Leaders Listen.

Whether you find yourself leading your home, or leading a church or an organization... LISTENING is a huge factor in successful leadership.

As I said in a previous post, I attended an amazing conference this weekend, The Gospel Coalition's National Women's Conference, in Orlando Florida.  I actually happened upon the article, on their website while I was killing time.

This quote jumped out of the article at me, as if it was written in crimson lettering.

Godly leaders must listen to Christ, who is their Head (cf. Eph. 4:15). But godly leaders must also listen to the people they lead (cf. Acts 6:1-6.)

                                                                                        Leaders Listen  by Jen Pollock Michel

It is important that as leaders we are in fact listening to God first, just as the article suggests.  Yet too often we forget to listen to those we are leading.  The article is really written toward men, Pastors, about listening to the women in the church's needs.  Indicating that since they are male, do not understand those needs by nature, they really need to listen to the women in order to understand their needs & be able to provide them.

But, my thoughts went beyond that, into our homes, our families, our relationships with others, and our own leadership of other women.


There is a difference between leading from in front vs. directing from above.


If you missed the link the article CLICK HERE

In what felt like a second, I was done. Broken. Mending.

Throughout the Old and New Testaments there are instances where people literally were so upset that they tore at their clothes.  In all instances it came at a time where a person was so distressed, so grieved by what was happening around them, that they literally tore at their clothing, sometimes stripping them off and other times leaving them in shreds.  

There were instances where this occurred because someone was mourning a death.  Others were instances where someone anointed by God was mourning over the behavior of those around them, particularly in response to lack of faithfulness or disobedience by God's people.

Joel 2:12-14
“Even now,” declares the Lord,
    “return to me with all your heart,
    with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

¹³ Rend your heart
    and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
    for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
    and he relents from sending calamity.
¹⁴ Who knows? He may turn and relent
    and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
    for the Lord your God.

Rend = tear (something) into two or more pieces.

The Lord wants us to come to Him with our broken hearts.  And more importantly God wants what breaks our heart, to be the same thing that breaks His.  Because, when we are broken for God... we are bound to act on His behalf to heal those wounds.

We feed, clothe and shelter the needy.

We rescue those in despair.

We support and encourage the broken in spirit.

While my heart breaks for these people.... I have never been broken to the point of tearing at my clothes for them.  I never understood that part of scripture, being so broken by this world that I would literally tear at myself, with my own two hands.    

Then it happened the 1st time.  But, I admit I wasn't grieved for God.  It was a result of an argument with my husband.  It was the only time, he ever walked out of our bedroom and slept on the couch.  The argument was stupid, to be honest, we were both wrong in allowing something so ridiculous to escalate to that point.  I began to weep in a way that I had never known in my life.  And I felt my hands grasping at my clothes.  My husband heard my cries and returned to me.  He could feel my despair, he was broken by my tears.  We apologized and reconciled.  It has never happened again.  But I learned a lot in that moment, I learned how much I loved my husband... more than I ever realized. I realized how important our marriage was to me.  I also realized and accepted my part in what brought us to that moment.  I saw the man whom I was angry at, return to me and become tender and compassionate.  I saw him accept his role in our argument.  We vowed to never come to this place again.  And, we haven't.

For the first time, I understood the actual physicality of that type of grief, mentioned in the bible so many times.    I understood what it meant to be so broken that you would literally tear the clothes off your body.  It would be several years later that I would experience this grief again, but this time... I was not grieving for myself.  I was grieving for God.

It had been a culmination of things.  I was being hit from different directions by Christians in my life, who were claiming to know what a "good Christian" does and doesn't do.  In some cases they were united in their attack on a certain subject, in other times they were divided.  Through online media sources, I would see more and more about Christians attacking other Christians.  People who are good willed, good natured people... just trying to get it right.  My heart began to break.  Slowly.  Then, all at once.  I was overwhelmed by emotion.  I found myself in my hall way, leaned against a wall, tearing at my clothes and weeping.... deep heaping sobs.... the only words coming out of my mouth were to God... asking "WHY?"

I can't even tell you how long this happened for, it felt like an eternity.  My heart was literally broken.  I spoke my heart to God that day. 

A week or two later, I was taking a spiritual gifts test.  When it came time to look at my scores, I wasn't really surprised by the results.  Gift of Administration, yeah.. I saw that coming.  But I was very sad, as I saw my score for Evangelism was so low.  I went to my mentor, to discuss this with her, because I was obviously failing at the great commission.    I mean, how do we go out and share the gospel... if we don't... go out... and share the gospel.    

It was in this conversation with my mentor, for the first time, I vocalized my broken heart for the church.  I told her that I found myself with greater concern over the division within the church, than I was about those who were not believers.  As we explored this topic... I broke down in tears.  She asked me why I was crying, and I said "It breaks my heart, because they should know better."

After a hug and some encouragement, and my lamenting that I really wished we had a person writing to churches on behalf of God.... she said, "You need to pray about what to do with this."

She didn't try and change me, or point me in the direction of evangelism.  She recognized that my heart was breaking, for something that was breaking God's heart.  The question was, "now what?".

I do not feel of any authority to write any particular church.  Who would listen to me?  Who am I?  But the question of "now what?" lingered.

My broken heart could not be mended if I sat complacent.  Indecisive.  Wallowing in my grief.

I prayed for peace.

Then I did the exact thing that people who have a gift for administration and teaching would do... I researched.  I turned to google with search topics like "letters to the churches of America"... "broken for the churches in America"... "the church breaks my heart".  

I found two very surprising things.

1) I was not alone.  There are others who are grieving with me.  Other people who were broken hearted about how we were treating one another, how divided we were.  Wondering, where was the unity that we should have in Christ?

2)  Not a single one of these letters were filled with any sort of hate speech.  There were not letters written by churches like "Westboro Baptist Church".  These were letters filled with love for God, love for people, and great pain at what was being witnessed in the church.  Written by every day people like you and I.

And as I poured through blog posts, articles, pastors websites, etc.... everything funneled back to one thing....DIVISIVENESS.

We, as a church, are supposed to be UNITED with each other UNDER God's authority, UNDER the blood of Christ, and UNDER the direction of the Holy Spirit.

We, as a church, are supposed to be IN the world, but not OF the world.  To stand apart from the world, to be seen as different.... salt, light.  Yet, not to be absent from it, walled up in our cities built by man made rules, regulations, and standards. 

We, as the church, are too busy fighting amongst ourselves about the most ridiculous of subjects, that we are seen as nothing more than hypocrites, fools and full of hate.

No wonder the world sees us as hate filled... when we can't even love our brothers and sisters in Christ!

We stand divided on issues that in the grand scheme of salvation bear NOT ONE SHRED OF IMPORTANCE.

God, doesn't care if your baptism is a sprinkle or a dunk, in a cement baptismal or in the open ocean.  

God, doesn't care what the name of your denomination is, so long as it is a bible believing & teaching church.  

God doesn't care how you feed your babies, teach your children, decorate your home, as much as he cares that WE HAVE OUR EYES TURNED TO CHRIST!   In fact, that is the ONLY THING that matters.  That is the ONLY THING that is important.  

We care.  We think our way is right, best and we will defend it against anyone who questions otherwise.... and even those who don't.  In fact we are almost offensive with it.   Not offensive, as in rude, inappropriate.  But offensive, like in football.... aggressive.  

I realized that God was breaking my heart for what breaks His.  He is broken over the divisiveness in our churches and amongst Christians.  He is broken hearted over the infighting between each other, which keeps us from being the love, light and salt He asked of us.  We put so much effort in defending ourselves and our beliefs/traditions/denominations/etc.... that we have nothing left to represent him with.

We are told in the scriptures to clothe ourselves with kindness, gentleness, compassion, etc.

Yet we spew venom at each other.

We are told in the scriptures to think of what is good, noble, pure, worthy, etc.

Yet we spend our time pointing at everything that is "wrong" in the world, without pointing to what is right.

We are told in the scriptures that the blessed are the meek, the poor, the peacemakers, etc.

Yet we spend more time attacking others and defending ourselves, than loving and helping.

We have allowed topics like... baptism procedure, bible translations, schooling choices, baby feeding, become SPIRITUAL debates.  We fight amongst each other, and take our eyes off of Jesus.

And the scariest part to me?  We don't realize it is happening.  We stand in our righteousness, not realizing we are being played by Satan ... like puppets on strings.

The battle is not between YOU and I over human decisions. The battle is between US and Satan. Because ANYTHING that distracts us from Jesus, is a victory for him.  Anything that causes division between us, creates division between us and Jesus.  Anything that causes us to sin against each other, creates a veil between us and God.  Anything that causes us pain, pains God.

WE break God's heart every day.

And we, as His children, hurt Him more than any non-believer.    When a neighborhood child said "I hate you" or disobeys my rules, I don't like it.  But, it's not a big deal to me.  You can't follow my rules, you are not welcome here. End of story.   But, when one of MY CHILDREN says those words... or disobey me... it hurts.  When I hear one of my children yell to their sibling "I hate you".... it hurts.  My heart breaks, and I immediately intervene and being the process of reconciliation. 

I imagine God feels even worse, when He witnesses fighting between us... His children.

My heart broke over the divisiveness in the church, amongst Christians.

And I am done.  I can't change you, but I can change ME.

I can only mend my heart by loving, as God has called me to love.  By giving the same mercy, grace, love and compassion that God has given to me. 

I will not be a divisive Christian any longer.

I choose to be focused on my own sins, my own shortcomings.  I have enough to work on in myself, I will leave YOUR WORK to the Holy Spirit.

I will show people Jesus, I will show them Christ through my actions and my life.  I will not try and sell them on my version of Jesus & what living with Christ looks like. I will let the Holy Spirit do that.  I'll just handle the introductions & love them.  Any work that has to be done, will be in my life and my house.  It's time for me to start whittling away at my plank.

 

My job, my mission.

When I was in high school, it was so very clear to me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I wanted to be an actress.  Not a just a famous actress, but a respected actress.  Think less Lindsay Lohan and more Meryl Streep.

God had different plans for me.

But, I can't lie that bend towards doing or being something great in my life has never gone away.

When I started down the line of Drama Ministry, I thought I could end up well known and respected there.  When I started script writing, I thought that would be my place in the world.

When I started serving in Women's Ministry, I thought I'd become a speaker.... and that would take me down the road to writing a book, and perhaps one day when you bought your tickets for Women of Faith ... you'd be coming to see me.

Again, this was never from a place of just being successful, but respected.

Which is something that gets me on another tangent.  So many of the texts for husbands and wives talk about him wanting respect, while she wants love.  And while yes, I do want love... I really want my husband's respect.  But that, my friends, is a topic for another day.

I am a woman who wants to be respected.  I thought that respect would come from doing something great.  And it did, but not in the way I imagined.

It came in the form of a baby, swaddled and handed to me.  A life that I would have a chance to mold into a person better than I have ever been.   Not realizing it would be she that would make me a better person.  That this little bundle would reconcile me with my Savior, in a way greater than ever before.

When she was just about to hit school age, I thought to myself "now is the time" and I called up my agent and said I was ready to work again.  Less than a year later, God said WAIT.  Another swaddling bundle would enter my world.  This time not only did I once again have a great mission in impacting this child, but it would be that as a result of her conception, my life would be saved.  It would draw attention to the cells trying to attack my body & we would be able to catch it before it became a vicious cancer.  When she was about to hit school age, I thought again.... NOW is the time.

But God would once again say WAIT.  A third precious bundle would come into my world and bring with it peace.   One daughter brought me to God on my knees.  One daughter saved my life from disease.  One daughter would fill my life with peace.  I was amongst the least of these, and they were the ones making ME a better person, a better Christian.

As this third precious child was about to enter her school years.... I had a thought.  NOW is NOT the time.  My last bundle was walking into the world and my oldest child was entering the last 4 years of her adolescence.    Now is not the time for me to do anything but focus on the mission that God set before me.  My mission is motherhood.  The greatest mission ever.  The greatest impact I can make on the world, is by pouring myself into them, and pointing them to the cross.

Eyes Wide Open - Realizing the Truth

For quite sometime I have been lamenting over a friendship that had fallen apart.  I understood what brought our friendship to an end.  I accepted that even if we could become friends again it would never be the same.  And, to be honest, I really wasn't holding out any hope that our friendship would be repaired.  Sometimes, things are just over and it is time to move on.

However, this was proving to be harder that I expected.  The reality of the situation was this wasn't just my friendship that ended.

Our husbands were friends.
Our children were friends.
In fact, we were really more like family.

So, despite my head knowledge of an ended friendship... my heart still longed for that family that was missing from our lives.

It's been about 5 months now.  Our oldest daughters are occasionally in touch.  Husbands too.

I asked my husband a few nights back if he had spoken with her husband recently.  He said that it had been a few days and commented about their inability to spend any time together.  What ended up happening was an hour long conversation about not the situation but the family I was missing so much.  Not about all the details of what went wrong, or how it could be repaired... but just about the family.

What I realized....

I missed her husband.  Truth was, I probably had more in common with him than her.

I missed her kids.  I loved their kids, like my own.  I missed not knowing what was going on in their lives.

I even missed their pets!  

I realized that in the years I have known that family, I have watched friends come and go... we aren't the first & won't be the last.

I realized that when we would be over there with other families... often their wives were not there.  It would be the husbands with the kids.

I realized that on those occasions when there were other women around, their husbands were not there.  It was then my husband stated that as long as we have been friends, he never felt her husband was as vested in the friendship as he was.  And that, he believed that her husband kept a distance with all their friends because he never knew when they were going to leave.

She drives people out of her life.

She also suffers from depression and low self esteem.

I didn't recognize it, but she does what a lot of people who suffer from serious depression do.  They distance themselves from people.  Not just by pulling themselves away, but by even going so far as to push those who are closest to them away.  That creates even more distance.

I had seen this behavior in others before, but I suppose I was too close to recognize it in my own "best friend".

But what does this mean?

The conversation helped me realize that I wasn't as close to her as I thought.  If we were really that close of friends, I would have recognized it.

It helped me realize that what I was really missing was the family, not her specifically.  But she was part of the package deal.

It also helped me realize that despite our friendship being over, she is a woman who needs to be prayed for. 

Life Doesn't Hurt, Expectations Do

Life, a sequence of years.  It starts when you are conceived and ends when you die. Some have a longer life, others don't.  Life is time.  It isn't a feeling, it has no emotion.  It is pages of a calendar that flip each day, according to the number of the days of you breathe.  Life doesn't hurt.  It can't touch you.  It can't make you feel good, it can't harm you.

It's the adjective you put with life, that describes the type of life you have had.

A long life.
A happy life.
A miserable life.
A difficult life.
A peaceful life.
An active life.
A solitary life.

It describes the time you have been alive.

Sometimes our expectations for our life are greater than we can accomplish.  Then there are times where we project our expectations on others, and they fall short.

You see life doesn't hurt, expectations do.

When we expect too much of ourselves & what we are capable of....
When we expect too much of others & they can't live up to those expectations....
When we glorify a job, position, relationship, etc to something more than it is & it fails our expectations....

That is what hurts.
We are let down.

And the problem is ours.

Because no one created those expectations but yourself.

If I am disappointed because something didn't live up to my expectations, I need to take an honest look at it.

Were my expectations reasonable or even attainable?  Were they practical?

Did I clearly define my expectations, or did I assume the other person would know it without saying?

Was the failure to meet my expectations really their fault at all?

When others fail to meet my expectations...
Life didn't hurt me.
They didn't hurt me.
I hurt myself.

Why must we know?

If you have ever been involved in a church that had some sort of leadership scandal, the protocol is usually the same.

Leader messes up.
Gets caught or feels conviction.
Confesses.
Resigns from Leadership.
Statement made to congregation about it.

Now depending on the church, how it goes from there can vary.

1) The statement to congregation may come from the resigning leader or a staff member (Pastor/Elder)

2)  The statement may contain a vague description of the offense or a detailed confession.

3)  If it is a vague description, the church MAY or MAY NOT give the option for members to individually seek out more information about the situation.  AKA... the nitty gritty details.

As a member, we are usually left with SOME information but not all information.

Just this week, a well known Pastor resigned from his church.  Because he is well known, it isn't a surprise that the media is all over the subject.  But they relied on the statement from the church, which was a vague description of the offense.

But, it didn't take long for those who had more information to start sharing it.

It didn't take long for concerned Christians to start praying for Pastor because of what he did.

I know this because it was showing up every where.  Blog articles.  Tweets.  Facebook. Text messages "did you hear?"

Why must we know?  Why do we need to know what he did in detail?  Why do we feel compelled to share that information in the media with tweets, hashtags, and facebook posts.  Why must we draw more attention to a situation that is already getting to much attention.

Why can't we be satisfied with the limited information?
Why can't we pray quietly in our homes vs. broadcasting our prayers on facebook?
Why can't we send a card in the mail or a private message /email that we are praying vs. letting them know via a hashtag in our media posting?

And if you don't have that close of a relationship with that Pastor (or whomever is caught in controversy) to know his direct contact information... should you even stick your nose in his business?  The family's business?  That church's business?

If it were you, would you want people responding the way you are?  Would you want me to hashtag your sins to the world?  I'd hope not.  So give others the same respect.

My heart is burdened.

The world is a pretty competitive place.  We compete on the sports field, in the job market, on video games, for position within friendships, for authority over groups, for affection from our children, acceptance by society.  Competition permeates so much of what we do.

For years I was really burdened by the amount of competition that came between moms.
Breast vs. bottle.
Co-sleeping vs. crib.
On demand vs. on schedule.
Better toys for development.
Better car seats and strollers.
Better developmental programs.
TV vs. No TV.
Babywearing vs. teaching independence.

Over 15 years of parenting, I have heard it all.

And it doesn't get easier as they get older.
Public vs. Private vs. Homeschool
Dating vs. Courting vs. None of the Above.
Make Up vs. no make up.

... the list really is infinite.

Years ago, I had come to a place where I could finally let all that go.  I couldn't care less what others were doing.  I was part of the parent team that God put in charge of these children.  He knew that we were the right ones to raise them, we would make the best decisions for them.  I learned to be confident in who I was as a mom.

So, let them have cake for breakfast on their birthday.

So... why am I burdened?

I am burdened by the competition that is rising between CHRISTIANS.

Recently, my eyes have been really opened to the level of competition between Christians on WHO IS THE BETTER CHRISTIAN.  The sad part is, many of them don't realize they are doing it.

It happened about a week ago, that I said something about my beliefs on a controversial subject & the response of the other person was the straw that broke the camels back.  He might as well of patted me on the head like a small child who doesn't know any better.  Apparently his education and more in depth knowledge of the subject meant he was right, and I was wrong.  And he not only pitied me.... but was truly GRIEVED that I could feel such a way.  He basically considered me a Christian who was being blinded from the truth.

Ironically, what he missed was that I agreed with him doctrinally.  My disagreement was in how people responded to the subject.... the hate and venom people spew at "sinners" is heartbreaking.

And the more I sat and thought about my conversation with him, the more I realized that he truly believed he was a better Christian because he could see this "TRUTH" that I was obviously missing.  I realized he wasn't the only one in my life who had elevated themselves above other Christians for their "knowledge" that others don't have.

I started sitting back and really looking at what people were saying and doing.  I thought back on conversations of the past, and my heart grew more and burdened.

These divisions and competition were not even on the big controversial subjects.  They were over small bites of scripture and individual's interpretations of what it meant.  We were not allowing ourselves to be divided over subjects like "gay marriage", we were allowing our selves to be divided over subjects like....
--- what we eat.... as a "good Christian"
--- what we wear.... as a "good Christian"
--- what we watch on tv (or watching tv altogether)... as a "good Christian"

It is amazing how quickly we can judge other Christians because their walk doesn't match our own.

Judging because they don't read the bible as much as I do.
Judging because they don't serve the community as much as I do.
Judging because their approach to parenting is different than mine.

Even judging them because they read a particular version of the bible, and we feel our version is best.

We already feel on our own that we are not doing enough as a Christian, that our walk could be more dedicated.  We have Satan taking every opportunity to tell us that we are less than worthy and trying to derail us with reminders of our past mistakes.  Add into the mix someone who feels they are superior over you... wagging their finger in disapproval.... = disaster.

In Acts 15, a council forms to discuss how the gospel is being presented to new believers.  Ultimately after discussing all the facets and commandments and beliefs, they come to this conclusion in verse 19 "It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God."

This was not an excuse to allow them to do what ever they wanted, but rather a reminder that we should stick to the important things.  Letting the rest come naturally as the spirit moves them.  In fact they kept it pretty simple 1) No consuming foods offered to idols.  2) No sexual immorality.  3) No eating of meat from strangled animals or consuming blood.

That was it.

When we think back on the commands from Jesus, himself... we were told to 1) Love God with all our heart and 2) Love our neighbors as ourselves ... and then in the great commission to go out and share the gospel.  The council clarified it was about the big picture, and no so much the little details.  They trusted the Holy Spirit to convict each person.

 Within Christian circles, we have returned to the very thing that brought this council together.  Each group, thinking they have it right.  Man made rules and laws of what a "Good Christian" looks like.  We try to put our passions upon believers based on our own convictions.  We hold them to a standard that their faith should be expressed in these works.  Yet we know that our faith is sufficient for salvation and works are a fruit of the spirit.  But, today we see more and more people adopting a works based faith. That as long as we do x, y and z... then we are being righteous Christians.  Scripture warns us if we do all these THINGS without LOVE, then they are meaningless.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

1If I speak in the tongues^a of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^b but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

When I look at those casting judgements on other Christians, is it really coming from a place of Love?  Or, from a need to be RIGHT?   Are you doing these things because GOD has called you to it, or because you need to LOOK RIGHTEOUS?  Where is your heart?  


It hurts to hear someone telling you that they are speaking "Truth in Love"... but LOVE is not present.  It really is "TRUTH in RIGHTEOUSNESS" or "TRUTH IN PIETY".

Because they really don't want you to change because your heart tells you to, because they seed the planted has been developed by the Holy Spirit.  They want you to change to their ways because they see themselves as RIGHT, ELEVATED, MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE, etc.

They think we are naive... and yet they are blinded to their own sin.

My heart is burdened to those who have forgotten what LOVE really looks like... when demonstrated to the non believers & those who are growing in their faith.

In the World

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one.
John 17:15

There was a time in my early adulthood, I had to walk away from my friends. All of them. They were not good influences on me. When I had made some decisions in my life to change the path I was going down, they were not supportive. I knew at that time in my life, this was not working. I had to walk away. I had to surround myself with those who would lift me up, encourage me & help me stay on the straight and narrow.

In time, I would begin to surround myself with Christians who shared the same convictions. I would grow stronger in my faith. At first it was all very serious, bible studies, church fellowship. We were not having “fun” in the same sense as I did before. I can't deny that I missed having fun with my friends. Eventually, I found myself within a group of Christian women who were having FUN. We were laughing until the tears started flowing, we were dancing the night away, celebrating holidays with each other. Creating memories & filling that void in the “FUN” department that I had been longing for.

As I was putting myself back out in the world, I started making non-Christian friends too. We would have a good time together as well. But, admittedly I kept them separate. Let's face it, they didn't always use the best language and would sometimes have pretty liberal views on politics, religion and life in general. After several years, I decided I was going to have a small gathering of my friends. I had invited one of my non-Christian friends to attend. Unfortunately at the last minute, she had to cancel. But she said something I will never forget... “Gena, I am so disappointed that I couldn't come and meet the rest of your friends. I adore you, and you are such a great person...I am sure your other friends are too. I wish I could have met them. If they are anything like you, I bet they are lovely.” She was wanting to surround herself with more people like me. What made me different than any of her other friends or acquaintances? Christ.

She saw me as a Christian woman, who cared about people, was a dedicated wife and mother, but she also saw that I was fun to be around. She heard me, when I spoke about my failures and imperfections. She heard me, when I talked about striving to do and be better. Every conversation wasn't a deep theological debate. I wasn't trying to spend every waking moment of our friendship trying to convert her. I was simply being a good friend, who loved her, cared about her, and was there for her. As a natural part of our friendship... God entered the picture. If she was going to get to know me, it wasn't something that could be avoided. The more she go to know me, the more she desired to know more people that were like me.

God doesn't want us to surround ourselves with only other Christians. If we do that, we can't reach those who do not know Him. We have no influence on the world. We are not light in the darkness. However, we don't walk out into the world without His protection. We wear the Armor of God. We understand His love for us, and His desires for us to follow His word. We pray for His protection. We stand firm in our convictions. It is His spirit within us, that draws others to us. We are just the vessel.

A challenge my husband presented me with was to each day pray to God asking Him to make me a vessel in the course of my day.  Asking Him to give me the right words, at the right moment.  Sometimes we have a once in a life time opportunity to reach a person, other times it is slow through the course of building a relationship. 

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

A broken mug

As a whole I am not a sentimental person.  I do however have a few possessions that I value because they are my favorite.  One is my gigantic Eeyore coffee mug.  I have had it longer than I can remember, it holds nearly a whopping 3 cups of coffee.  It is the best.

Or it was.

A few nights ago, just as I was leaving from a meeting.... I got a text from my teenager.

"I broke your Eeyore coffee mug.  It slipped out of my hands.  I couldn't catch it."

My immediate response was "Are you ok?"

She replied, "Yes."

And then I said "That is all that matters.  It's just a cup.  You are more important."

Now you are probably wondering what is so remarkable about this reasonable response. It is remarkable because it is a new one for me.  Not that long ago, I would have certainly been concerned for my child's welfare....but I would have been volcanic about it being broken.

My normal response would have been...

Why are you using my cup?

This is why you shouldn't touch things that are not yours!

There are 100 cups in the house, why did you have to use mine?

This is why I never buy anything nice!

Does any of this response sound familiar to you?

Just a few months ago, I was reminded of the anniversary of my friend's daughter passing.

She was a spunky 8 year old, who was living her life to the fullest, and defying odds every day she was on this earth.  They were told to abort her, that she would never make it out of the hospital.  Yet she graced this earth for 8 wonderful years, touching the hearts of many, and paving a way for children who have her same condition to live a longer life.

How could I be upset over a stupid coffee cup, when I have a friend mourning the absence of such a prominent figure in her life?

I'd break and throw away everything in my house that has any value to me.... in order to keep my kids here with me.  I know heaven is great.... but I'm going be selfish on this one.

When I got home, my husband confessed to me that she was a wreck over having telling me.  Her sisters had chided her with the standard "mom is going to be mad, you are going to be in so much trouble".  In fact, I believe I heard something about them vying over which one of them was going to tattle on her.  I also think that is why she texted me.  She knew she wanted to tell me first.  But, she also was so worried about response, the text was safe.  I'd have time to cool down before I got home. 

I told him, I was glad she was brave enough to tell me.  Even if by text.  She could have easily tried to hide it or fix it.  We've all seen the sitcoms based on just this scenario.

Funny how 15 years into this thing called "motherhood" and I am just starting to figure it all out.

Or, maybe not.  Apparently I need to have a conversation about tattling again.

Transparency

I am a fairly transparent person, always have been.  To the point, that my mom wouldn't allow me to open gifts in front of people.  I wasn't rude.  She said you could read it on my face.

When I am happy, you know it.
When I am sad, you know it.
When I am angry.... um, yeah.... it's obvious.

When I speak, I say exactly what I mean.  I don't mince words.  There is no hidden subtext or agenda.  A question is just a question.  Nothing more than my settling my own curiosity.  If I have an issue with the situation or your answer, then I will speak my mind.  If I say nothing more, that means your answer satisfied my curiosity.

I also generally have an "agree to disagree" personality.  Which is why I can be friends with people who have different opinions than I do.... politics, religion, etc.  I don't mind if you have a differing opinion.  What I do have a problem with is when a person is expressing an opinion as fact, or that is 100% in accurate.

Recently someone very close to me hurt me very deeply.  Her comments stung not because of any conviction on my part... but because someone who I thought was so close to me would say something so horrible.... and untrue.

What also upset me was that this person was standing firmly in their righteous indignation, to the point of passing judgment upon others & expecting them to take this criticism .... totally unapologetic..... yet was the first person to throw a complete and total tantrum if someone where to dare correct her.

It brought me to this question:

Do we really want true authentic, transparent friendships?

Or do we really want a one way glass....where the other is transparent and we can pick them apart but yet our flaws are totally concealed to them, leaving us beyond reproof.

Stop Giving Money Power

When I was younger, we grew up with very little money.  While I wouldn't call us poor, we were not  middle class.  I never went without electricity, but I can recall meals were sometimes an issue.  For example, I can recall digging in the couch & car looking for enough change to buy 2 50c tacos from Taco Bell and a $1 soda to split with my mom.  I can remember when she started dating again, she would only eat 1/2 of her meal and bring the rest home for me as my dinner.

Things eventually got better as my siblings moved out of the house.  But, this time period had a distinct impression on me.

Money was important.

I didn't know much about what I wanted to do with my future, other than the fact I wanted to do something that would make me a lot of money.  Money meant power to me.  Power to control your future.  Power to have whatever you wanted in life.  The more money I had, that more I could do.

I remember getting my first real job, after graduating high school.  One of the first things I did was "establish credit" by opening up a credit card account at a local store.  After several months of buying things and paying off my bill, I was upgraded to a gold card.  This made me feel so very important, like I had achieved some sort of status.

I got older, married, had a baby and became a stay at home mom.

I watched as our monthly income dwindled to down & things got harder.

I had lost power.

Power to get whatever I wanted, financially.
Power to make decisions on what I bought, since my husband was providing the income.
Power to go further in life, a loss of status.

Or, so I thought.

I had given money so much power, that without it I felt lost.  I didn't think I had anything.  And prospects.  Any future.  Then I started doing whatever I could to attain that power again.  I was trying to figure out ways to bring in money.

Over the years we would be brought to humbleness in regards to our money.  We almost lost our home.  Something had changed in me, by that point.

My husband and I began taking a class called "Financial Peace University" at a local church.  Over the course of the study, I realized how little power money actually had.  I stopped allowing money (how much or how lack there of) to define who I was or how my life would be lived.

My emotional attachment to the need of money was gone.

It was easier to give money away, to those who were in need.
It was easier to spend it on my kids and not complain about my "sacrifices" for the family.
When something broke that was an expensive repair, I didn't worry.  It was just money.  Pieces of paper sitting around, with the purpose of being spent for just this very thing.

And if we had to go without for a while, that was ok too.

You see once I took the power away from money, it wasn't important to me at all.

What did become important was what I was doing with that money.

I didn't care so little about it that I would waste it, I simply recognized that while money had no power ... I did.  God did.

Money doesn't solve our problems.  It either makes the bigger, or simply gives us different ones.  People with a lot of money are not happier.  They are not exempt from the troubles in this life.

Some of the happiest people are those who have a lot less money, but a lot more quality in their lives.

God of Wonders

Do you find yourself caught in doubt? Have you ever wondered what God is doing in your life, circumstances or in the world around you?

I wonder what God is doing in this situation?

I wonder what God is trying to teach me?

I wonder when God is going to answer my prayers?

Most Christians will admit to a time in their life where they wondered about God and his plans.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (MSG) “I don't think the way you think. The way you work is not the way I work. For as the sky soars above the earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond what you think.”.

It is comforting to me, in my moments of doubt and wonder, to cling to this scripture. I may never on this earth or in paradise know what God was doing, but God definitely knows what He has in store for us. However, I still can't help falling into moments of wonder.

I wonder what God sees in me? God sees what no one else sees, because He created me and He chose me to belong to Him. This has been part of His plan since the foundations of creation. (Ephesians 1:4-6 & Ephesians 1:11)

Ephesians 1:11 – We were chosen to belong to him. God decided to chose us long ago in keeping with his plan. He works out everything to fit his plan and purpose.

I wonder if God hears my prayers? God may not be appearing to answer your prayers, but what you may not see is what God is doing in the background. We have to trust that He has our best interest at heart, and that all things will be done in His perfect timing. Our prayers will be answered according to His will, not our own.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 – Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when the heat comes, for it's leaves remain green , and it is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.

I wonder what God has planned for me? If God does see something in me, if His ways are not my ways, and God is hearing my prayers.... then what exactly is it that God is doing in my life? What does he have planned? Scripture tells us that God knows us well.

Psalm 139:-4 – O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down, you are familiar with my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely.

God knows what we are capable of on our own, and what we are capable of when we let Him guide us. He takes our natural gifts and magnifies them. He equips those He calls & at the appointed time He has called them.

I wonder if others can see what God is doing? Sometimes we begin to wonder if others can see what God is doing, even when we can't. We may be getting better at our prayer life, digging into the Word more, attending church regularly... but are we really different? Are others able to see Christ in us? Are we a good representation of Christ in the world? Growth and change take time. Others may see changes long before we recognize them. But God is working in us so that we become that “new creation” spoken about in 2 Corinthians 5:17. As we grow, God will move us along in His plan. It is a journey, and for some of us the journey will be longer than others.

Colossians 1:10-11 – And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.

I wonder if God really cares about me? I am just one little person in this big world. God cares so much about us, He sent is own son to die on a cross for each of us. You and me. He has known every day we would live before the first was written. He created us, knitting us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). He puts support in place for us, to help us on our journey through this life. This support comes in the form of the Holy Spirit within us, His Word that we can depend on and learn from, our Church and sisters in Christ that we can lean on and grown with.

I wonder what will happen if and when I mess up? I am not perfect. In the parable of the prodigal son, we see a son who was raised just like his brothers... but went off on his own path. But when he returns home, his father accepts him, arms wide open and tends to all his needs. (Luke 15)

God isn't finished with us yet. We will stumble and fall sometimes, but God doesn't give up on us. He welcomes us back with open arms.

I wonder what I ever did to deserve the love that God has for me? Nothing.

God loves us, because God is love (John 4:8)

God loves us, because God created us. (Genesis 1:26-28)

He loves us when we don't love him. He is faithful to the faithless (2 Tim 2:13)

I wonder if God knows how much I love him and how thankful I am for his blessings in my life?

What are you doing in your life to answer that question?

* Written for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog