Confirmation

Have you ever been waiting in anticipation for a package to arrive?

You check the shipping confirmation and you read those words "in transit". Wondering, what does that mean?  Did it actually leave their hands?  Is it in transit to the sorting facility?  Is it on it's way to me?

You really don't know for sure, and you keep checking.  You are waiting for the words "Out for delivery".   But, we don't always get that confirmation.  It depends on what service the package was shipped with.   So, sometimes... we just have to wait in anticipation.

This is exactly what it is like waiting for an apology.

We set the ball in motion.  We understand that it can take time.  But we find ways to keep checking in on it.  Perhaps we check their facebook page or their blog, to see if they are wrestling at all with how to handle things.  Or, maybe we are just wanting to keep tabs on what is going on in the interim with them or their family.

We wait.

Checking in, looking for that confirmation that the apology is on the way.

Recently, I found myself in this position.  I really thought I was reading all the signs correctly that my apology was "in transit".

You see, I had apologized.  I had recognized the areas where I failed the person.  I also called attention to some misinformation and assumptions.  I did my best to explain myself over and over again.  I realized it was time to wait, to allow the person to take the time they needed to evaluate the situation.

The ball began rolling, I noticed little things here and there.  And I thought surely the apology from them would be on the way.

I also knew that there was no way our friendship could be restored with out that person being accountable for their part in the dissolution.  I actually sought counseling within my church over the situation, I was brutally honest with them and myself.  If I was wrong, I needed to hear it.  And, I was wrong in some areas.  I was not the best friend I could have been.  I was being the friend I would have wanted, and not the friend they needed.  I recognized it.  I apologized.

The ball had left my court.  I needed to be patient.

It happened today.  The confirmation that I needed.

There was no apology on the way.  The person still saw me with the tainted vision that ended the friendship.  Their opinion of me had changed in no way.  Which also meant they were still seeing themselves as a victim & not willing to take ownership or be accountable.

I got the confirmation that my package was "lost".

I'm not sure what happened.  I don't know if I misread the signs.  Or, if something derailed it. But I have to accept that the apology is not coming.  The friendship is completely dissolved. It would take an act of God to restore it.

That last glimmer of a human chance, it has passed.

And, I am totally at peace with it.

When a relationship is facing the end... marriage... friendship... and familial... I feel we have to ask ourselves one question:

Did I do everything I could to save it?

If you can answer YES, you walk away with a peace that is beyond explanation.
If you don't feel peace, then you know the truth.  You didn't do everything possible.
If you constantly need to justify your leaving.  You didn't do everything possible.
If you regularly have to convince yourself that you were right.  You didn't do everything possible.

I have approached her privately.
I have approached her publicly.
I went directly to her husband, when she wouldn't listen or misunderstood me.
I went to her mother, for advice on how to speak to her.  Thinking this woman would know her better than anyone else.
I wrote emails, texts, letters, etc.
I explained myself.
I admitted my mistakes.
I apologized.
I reached out for reconciliation.
I recognized the impending doom of our friendship, if tensions went ignored.
I sought counsel from my mentor and church.

I sought the counsel of my husband.

What more can one do?

Just pray.  I pray for her.  Because, in my heart... I still love that family. But until their can be accountability on both sides, reconciliation is stalled.

The more I pray, the more my heart softens toward her.  It may not change her, but my prayers change the way I feel about her.  And, in fact, today I realized for the first time... I haven't given up hope for reconciliation.  In God's time.  Not my own.

So I keep praying.