Can I Live Up to the Hype????? Doubt is rearing it's ugly head.

I serve on a leadership team within my church.  Last year we began the process of planning a women's retreat this spring.  The short story ends with me volunteering to take over the planning and coordination of this retreat.  It's one thing to plan an event yourself, it's an entirely different thing to take over what someone else had begun.  Logistically, I knew I could do it.  I do have a very A type personality, after all.

As I sat and went through the numbers, and the schedule, and the details... I felt confident.

More time would pass, the retreat went from being months away to weeks away, and now days away.

Doubt has entered the building.

It started with the emails and texts coming in, about how excited people were about the retreat.

Then I got the text that would stop me in my tracks:

"Anything you're in charge of... is the best!  Above and beyond!!!!"

(and if you are the friend who sent this to me, don't feel bad about saying it... or be mad that I am sharing it.).

What I realized that is through my history of service, I have set a precedent.  I always go above and beyond.  I always give 110%.  I have set an expectation of excellence, and the women who are attending this retreat are not unaware.

I began to doubt, and wonder ...

What if it stinks?
What if everyone is disappointed?
What if I didn't do enough?
What if they don't like the schedule?
What if....
What if....
What if....

Doubt was rearing it's ugly head.  And, what made it even worse for me, this has been way too easy.  Usually when I put myself into a project it consumes my thoughts, my time, my house, my talents, etc.  This project hasn't been like that.  It's been so easy to plan & put together... I began to worry that I hadn't done enough.

Was I forgetting to do something?
Did I forget to buy something for the event?
Did I send those emails?
Did I confirm those numbers?

I am waiting for the shoe to drop.  That last minute gasp over forgetting some important detail.

You may be thinking, this is your first time planning an event like this.  People will understand.

But, it isn't my first time.  It's been a long time, yes... but not my first time.

What I have to remind myself is that the reason things are going so well is that God is in charge.  God is doing this, not me.  He has moved mountains and paved ways to make things happen.  This was not my doing.  I must remind myself that things which are Kingdom worthy, get done.  If I forgot a detail, then it wasn't Kingdom worthy.

Can I live up to the hype?

I don't have to.  Because God can, and does.

Do you need a hug?

When your child enters the teenager years, things get weird.  That little girl who wanted your opinion, now wants you to butt out.  That sweet face that would light up and tell you story after story, turns away and has nothing to say to you. The endless questions are asked of their friends, you are no longer an authority on everything.  Hugs and kisses are rarer than finding a diamond in your backyard.  Secrets are no longer shared.  I love yous are not returned.  In fact, often they can't even manage to sit in the same room as you.

It's a new road in the journey of motherhood.  This one you walk alone.

And then one day it happens.

You realize that deep below the surface, they still care.

For me it occurred on two specific occasions.  The first was when her friend ran away from home.  I called her, because we were concerned that her friend might show up to meet her at her school.  When I was getting ready to hang up with her, I said... "I love you"... and she replied "I love you too".  My heart soared.

I believe this was one of those moments where the uncertainty of her friend's well being reminded her of how much family loves each other, and how important kids are to their parents and relatives.  She knew that if I was showing this much concern for her friend, how much more would I show for her.

The second time was just this past week.  Some back story here is that my husband has a history of attempting to be funny, when he really isn't.  And often, too often, his attempts end up getting me hurt.  On this particular day, we had a snake in the yard.  We were attempting to locate the snake once we got the kids in the house.  We wanted to know if it was poisonous or not.    After we had determined it wasn't & were preparing to head back in... he thought it would be funny to throw something at me... as if he were throwing the snake.

His plan was doomed to fail.

1) I am not afraid of snakes.  So, I wouldn't be scared of it.
2)  He is deathly afraid of snakes.  So, I know he wouldn't actually pick one up.

As I turned  to give him the "eye of disbelief"... I realized what he had thrown at me.  A tube of lanscaping fabric.  When I put my arm to block it from hitting my face, the side whipped around and hit me square in the eye.

I was angry.

I was very upset with him, not about trying to be funny... not even because I got hurt... but because this is what always happens.  His attempts result in my getting injured.  At some point, he should realize that he just needs to stop.

I was angry that he just hadn't figured this out.  I was tired of getting hurt.

I came inside the house and went to our bedroom.  I just needed to be away from him.  My oldest came into the room to ask me a question.  She saw me crying, asked what happened.  I told her what her father had done, and that I was really mad at him & I needed to cool down.  Then she spoke the words I had longed to hear...

"Do you need a hug?"

Mothers, do not be discouraged on those days when your child suddenly becomes "too big" for hugs and kisses and I love yous.  Despite what they project on the exterior... if you have provided them with years of love and care, inside they do love you.

They hug you in those moments, they laugh with you in others.  They shine in the moments when you need them.  They show their love when they compliment your cooking, or that shirt you are wearing.

They say "I love you" in a new way.  Sometimes it is not audible.  Instead, it is the sag in the couch when the sit down to watch tv with you.

Domestic Partnership - Part 2 : What do we do from here?

Have you ever been in that position where you husband calls you up to announce someone is coming over for dinner that night, or even the next day for a visit.  You go into a panic because the house is a disaster.  You get angry that he would be so inconsiderate.  We instantly put blame on him, but we have to ask ourselves why this is a problem.  If I am a stay at home mom, the house should be clean for company anyway.  Right?

If you are rolling your eyes at me, please note that I am speaking from a place of experience.  I have before and even to this day been guilty of this scenario.  Right now, if someone where to show up at my door unexpectedly... I would probably pass out.  In fact, my husband got out of bed and began cleaning up the house a bit today.  My first thought (and question to him) was "who is coming over and when?".

If this is our job, why are we not doing it?

I think there are a ton of possible answers.  Perhaps the vacuum is broken, and you can't afford the repair or you are waiting for the part to arrive.  Maybe you are exhausted from your kids busy schedule and just haven't gotten to it yet.  Or perhaps, you have moments like me.  Where you turn to your husband and say something like "I have been picking up this house and cleaning up after you and the kids for thirteen years.  I do not get sick days.  I do not get vacation days.  There is no one to pick up the slack when I am behind.  Sometimes I just want a day to DO NOTHING."

What really occurred in that statement, each and every time I say it, is a lot of truth and a lot of excuse.  I am admitted to the fact I shirked my responsibilities.  I am honest about my feelings.  But I am also setting up a scenario that will basically earn me a pass for not doing my job.

Imagine if my husband walked into work one day, sat down at his desk, laid his head down and took a nap.  His boss walks in and confronts him.  What do you think would happen if my husband said... "I have worked my butt off for this company for 15 years.  I have worked as much as 12 days in a row with only a single day off, only to do another 12 again ... FOR MONTHS.  I have arrived home three hours late every night for the last month due to mandatory over time. Sometimes I just want a day to DO NOTHING."

He would be fired.

I should be fired.

If I can't get a day off to do nothing, it is because I didn't plan for it.  I could make sure I get all my chores done before Saturday rolls around.  I could budget for lunch and dinner as take out, so I don't have to cook. I could buy paper plates and cups, so that I don't have to do dishes.


Truth is, this is our job.  We need to do it.  We need to do it effectively.  We need to not shirk our responsibilities.  We need to not make excuses.  We chose this role in our life.  I could go back to work, and send the kids to after school programs, hire a nanny or housekeeper.  I chose to stay home.  I chose to care for it.  If someone shows up unexpectedly or I wasn't given enough notice by my husband... this isn't HIS problem.  It's mine.  Because I allowed myself to fall behind.

Perhaps I have too much on my plate.  If my house is falling apart, because my schedule is too full doing for others.  I need to cut back.  My family comes first.  If something needs to be repaired or replaced & we don't have the funds for it, I should see if I can borrow one from someone.  That isn't an excuse to do nothing.  Would you NOT do your dishes because your dishwasher broke?

I also need to remind myself daily to change my heart.  Yes, my husband does get days off.  But he works hard.  Really hard.  Today I went for a 20 minute run at 9:30am.  I was DYING when I got home.  It was hot and humid, 80 degrees outside.  Yet my husband works in this (outside) every day, for 8-10 hours... on days that the temps reach the high 90s and the humidity makes it feel like it is over 100 degrees.  Yes, he deserves a day off.

I also have to change my heart about him forgetting to do those little things I ask of him.  Why?  Because to me, my RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND is more important than a to do list.  If he forgets to take out the trash each night, I can get angry and resent that.  It builds.  The as he forgets to do something else, I add it to the list.  Which ends up in an argument where I tell him he never does anything I ask, bullet pointing out each and every failure, and usually in defense he will remind me of how imperfect I am.  This boils up to an argument that results in hurt feelings, broken relationship, and rarely is solved.

At one point, I decided I'd rather take the trash out than be mad at my husband.

Too many marriages have ended in divorce over little petty things like taking out the trash, leaving the cap off the toothpaste and laundry outside of the hamper.  Too many marriages have ended because of what a person did and didn't do vs. WHO they were and HOW they loved.

Over the years I have learned that my husband shows his love to me by buying me little things that he thinks shows that he pays attention to me.  For example, when I took up running.  He bought me a water bottle.  When he stops at a convenience store on the way home, he'll pick me up my favorite drink.  They are not diamonds and furs.  But, to him, they say... I know you, I love you and I remember these things about you.  To me, that is worth more than gemstones.

I am ok with "gender roles".  I am ok with something being more male or more female in nature.  I am also ok with breaking those roles.  I LOVE cars, for example.  I can spend hours at a car show without batting an eye.  Each relationship has to come up with the terms of that partnership.  Who is going to do what.  What are the expectations of each person.

Have you ever asked your husband... "what are your expectations of me as your wife..."  or "now that I am a stay at home mom, what are your expectations... what is important to you?". In return, let them know what is important to you, what your expectations are.

I haven't.  I plan to.  You may even find that you are wasting your time doing things around the house he could care less about.  It could be the things that are the most important to him, are the ones that are the easiest to do.  You will only know if you ask.  and, what your husband expects of you... will NOT mirror what your friend's husband expects of her. 

It's all about how you are going to look at your life.

Is staying home to raise your children a chore, or a gift?
Is having a nice home an inconvenience or a blessing?
Is your relationship with your husband important, or does your "honey-do list" trump it?

And, more importantly, look at your behaviors, your attitudes, your choices, and your excuses....

and ask yourself... what would GOD think about this?

You want a bigger home with more storage?  Will God bless you with that, when you are not taking care of the one he gave you now?

Do you want more children?  Will God bless you with that, when you are neglecting or unable to manage the ones you have now?

If you can not be content with what God has given you, if you cannot be responsible and good stewards with his gifts and blessings... why would he give you more?

Domestic Partnership breaks down when there is a lack of contentment.  You want more.  You want better.  You want change.  But in a relationship, it's not all about what YOU want.

The Love of Money

 

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.
Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith
and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10

I have a guilty pleasure, I watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. At first it was out of curiosity, I wanted to know what their lives were really like. How wonderful must it be to have all that money, all of those resources to draw from. What I realized, very quickly, is that their lives are not all that wonderful.

I remember growing up as a kid, not having a lot of money. We would often play the “if money was no object” game, or “if I won the lottery” game. We would talk about the things we would buy, the people we would help. There was an illusion that by having more money all of our problems would be resolved. Life would be better. We would be happier.

That is so far from the truth. In watching the Real Housewives I have learned:

• You can have all the money in the world, and your husband will still cheat on you.
• You can have all the money in the world, and your business can still fail.
• You can have all the money in the world, and still be depressed and driven to addiction.
• You can have all the money in the world, and still have a dysfunctional family.
• You can have all the money in the world, and not have any authentic friendships or relationships.
• You can have all the money in the world, and still be alone and lonely.
• You can have all the money in the world, and it still isn't enough to make you happy.

Money doesn't solve your problems. Money doesn't make you happier. Money doesn't guarantee you will be spared trouble. Because, money has no power. God has power.

God gives us all the resources we need to get through this life. There are no promises that we won't struggle, but we know that we will not struggle alone. God fills our spirit, develops our character. God helps us define who we are & who we become.

I can have all the money and resources in the world, but without God.... I am bankrupt.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Be challenged this week to not think about how your life could be different “if only you had more...” and instead examine what you have, and how you could better use it for His glory.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

Domestic Partnership (Part 1 of 2)... An Evolution.

There was a time historically where men and women carried distinct roles in the household.  This was perpetuated on television and in movies.  It was accepted by society as a whole & we didn't deviate from it much at all, if ever.

The woman would be raising the children, tending to the inside of the home & tending to her husband's needs.  This would include:

• Making or buying clothing for the children.
• Preparing breakfast before school, lunch to take with them, and a snack when they would return home.
• Ensuring the children were well groomed & their clothing was presentable.
• Accompanying the children to school or to their bus stop.
• Repairing clothing, socks, curtains and linens.  
• Keeping the home clean, and tidying up throughout the day.
• Volunteer hours at the school, church and community.
• Making dinner, which would be hot and on the table when the husband arrived home.
• Making sure the man's home is his castle & he was treated with the utmost respect.
• Providing a relaxing environment for him, since he was home from a hard day of work.

The man's role would be more fiscal and provisional.  This would include:

• Going to work each day, to bring home the proverbial bacon.
• Disciplining the children.
• Paying the bills.
• Yard work.
• Arranging for repairs and improvements.
• Maintenance of the home and vehicles.

It is fairly apparent, that during those times, the women's role in the home was reflection upon her husband in the community.  If she was getting things done, on time and correctly.... If her children were well behaved, well groomed and polite... If she was respected in the community for her involvement.... It means that HE picked a good wife.  That HE had a firm grasp of his home.  That HE wore the pants in the family.  That HE was a man who would get things done.  That HIS wife and children respected him and his authority.

There were also greater responsibilities put on the children.  I am not talking about growing up on the farm, where all the kids would have to milk the cows and feed the hogs before heading off to school in the morning.  However, it was common place to see the sons mowing the lawn.  It was usually the son's job to take out the trash from the kitchen & take the cans to the curb.  And, when dad would be out in the yard working on a large project... his son was often near.

The daughters would have the responsibility of helping mom with the shopping or snapping beans for the dinner.  They may even be found helping to repair clothing with small tears, dusting, washing the dishes or at least drying them while mom washed.

Even the children had distinct roles and responsibilities based on their gender.

Modern times, we have strayed far from that.  Part of it is rooted in the feminist movement, backed by the idea that women are equally talented & equally capable.  Some of it is rooted in history, when the men would go off to war & it would be the women that filled the factories to keep production going while the men were away.  Some of the women found they actually enjoyed working, and wanted to stay on post war.  In some cases, even the men enjoyed the additional income to the household the women provided.  It wouldn't be uncommon for the wife to know that what she earned was hers to keep and spend as she felt fit, relinquishing her hand in the household budget provided for from his budget.  And this was ok.  Finally, there were simply moments that occurred in life where the woman entering the work force was needed so that the family could just survive. 

As more and more women entered the work force, the distinction between these roles began to blur.  Men were taking on some of the household responsibilities, cooking and cleaning to help their wives keep up.  And as more time passed, this assistance was not being done out of necessity or obligation, but desire.  It would be more and more common place for a man, who had a wife that worked, to see that just as she was contributing to the income to help provide a better life.... that he too would contribute by taking some of the load off her back in the home.  A true 50/50 relationship in regards to responsibilities was becoming a social norm.

Then a wave of change began.  The children of baby boomers began to become parents themselves.  They would see the value of being a stay at home mom.  And over time more and more would flee their jobs to take their place in the home.   The problem that occurs is that we find ourselves expecting that the men will still do "their part" and be our 50/50 partner in the responsibilities of the home.  Because, that is how we grew up.  And the men, would expect that since we were staying home to be housewives and mothers that we were going to literally tend to the house.  It was not odd for a man to expect the woman to not only care for the kids and the inside of the house, but mow the lawn, pay the bills, make repair appointments, etc.

This isn't exactly a unreasonable expectation, when you consider these men grew up in homes where the example was set that Mom worked.  Dad worked.  Therefore, they would both share the chores.  So, if you take the "Mom worked" part out of the equation, it is within logic and reason that she would then take up dad's chores, since she was no longer contributing financially to the home.  She also had so much more time, since she would not be at work.

We would find ourselves becoming more than just a stay at home mom, we were "Live in Secretaries".  That is when resentment would begin to set it and fester.  I have heard (and I will admit to even saying it myself) many a stay at home mother say "I am a stay at  home mom, not stay at home maid.  The kids are my priority, everything else comes second".

This is because we have become so indoctrinated with the idea of day cares for our infants through pre-k aged children, that we expect that we are supposed to fill their days equivalent to what they would in day care.  We forget that the idea of day care and preschool is a much more modern day device, based mostly in necessity for the working moms.  Our grandparents and the generations before them would probably get quite a laugh out of how we "parent" today.  Of course there were some exceptions, where it would be very common for the average housewife to have a nanny, or help cleaning. 

The evolution of the roles and responsibilities has changed quite a bit... but what I am finding is that the interpretation and perspective of that evolution varies depending on whom you are speaking with.  The man sees it very differently than the woman.  The woman is often waiting for the man to pick up the cue that he too needs to revert to the older traditions/models.  We want them to take out the trash.  We want them to mow the lawn.  Yet, historically, then men were not doing it then.  Well, they might have in the beginning, but once their sons were old enough... they passed those jobs on.

I have a good friend who desperately tries to bring historical and traditional gender roles in to her family.  She was to establish what the "men do" and what the "women do".  She wants her children steeped in this, so that they will be good wives and good husbands.  That said, she gets so very angry with her husband (at times) when he delegates.  She'll ask him to do something.  He will instruct one of the kids to do it.  She gets mad because she wanted him to do it.  He gets confused because what does it matter HOW he got it done, just as long as it got done?  She thinks to herself "If I wanted one of the kids to do it, I would have asked them not YOU!".  Oh the cycle it creates.

It made me realize that we are NOT looking to restore the historical gender roles, because we are trying to exclude our children from the equation.  We want them to enjoy their childhood not be bogged down with chores and responsibilities.  We want our husbands to do it.  Not delegate it.

We have become so removed from those traditional roles, we don't even recognize them or know how to put them into action.  We want to apply current parent modeling and thinking into traditional roles, and the two don't always mix well.

For example... Since I am home with the children all the time, I am the primary disciplinarian.  My husband trusts me in this role.  He knows that if it is more than I can handle, I will see his opinion.  But, I won't lie... I would LOVE to return that role to him.  I'd be quite content playing with my kids, being the good guy & relying on that old phrase "Wait until your father gets home".

However, modern day parenting books and speakers... they make this virtually impossible for me to do.  My husband works long hours.  He has short precious time with his children.  Do I really want that short time filled with lectures, punishments & drama.  I have much more time in my day to be able to discipline my children & then restore the relationship.  He doesn't.

So, what do we do?  How do we embrace these roles in modern society?  How doe we accept our roles with grace?  How do we avoid resentment and anger?  How do we find balance?

Next week, I'll continue on with part 2... Domestic Partnership (Part 2 of 2)... Practical Relationships

Forgiveness ~ A lesson learned over time.

Recently I was asked how I could forgive or give grace to those who have wronged me.  My response was simply that the bible says that we are judged in the same measure that we judge others.  Since I  know I have made a LOT of mistakes & certainly would love a LOT of grace extended to me... I do the same for others.

It isn't easy.  It's an active choice.  I have to remind myself that I would want to be forgiven, and therefore I should be willing to forgive.

But, it is important to understand what forgiveness is & what it is not.

In a bible study recently a woman brought to my attention that when we are hurt, when we feel wronged, etc... we will spend valuable time thinking and replaying the situation over in our head.  We can allow it to consume our thoughts, to affect our relationships with others, to harden our hearts before the Lord and also allow it to affect our mental and physical health.

Which we can all agree with.

But then she said ... "the person who wronged you, probably hasn't given it a second of thought".

That's right.  They are not replaying it over in their head.  They are not wondering how they can fix it, or thinking how awful of a person they are.  They may not even realized what they did was wrong in the first place.

So what we have done, is given this person power over our life, our thoughts, our heart... and we may even find that it stand as a stumbling block in our relationship with God.

Forgiving others is less about them deserving it, but more about it US... freeing up our heart and avoiding the negativity that can consume us.

I also find, the more I forgive others... the more I have learned to forgive myself.

In Retrospect, Part 5 ~ Happy Holidays

I love holidays.  I love the idea of them.  I love decorating.  I love celebrating them.  I love the anticipation, I love the moment it arrives and I even enjoy the days after.  Always have, and I hope I always will.

As a child, I never fully realized what it took for my mom (especially as a single mom) to accomplish this feat.  Executing secret Easter Baskets and Egg Hunts... hiding the Christmas presents, and even sneaking in to exchange a quarter for my tooth.  As much as I love holidays, I fail at it as a parent.

1.  I can't stand having to get up before the kids, sorry Easter Bunny.
2.  I hate waiting until the last minute the night before, sorry Santa Claus.
3.  I never have cash on me, sorry Tooth Fairy.
4.  I don't have the budget most of the time for the other holidays... there are no leprechaun traps being built or 15 foot blow up jack-o-lanterns.

I have made some very successful decisions though, that have worked out amazingly for my family.   I have also changed some of the decisions over the years to make it work out better.  I hope you can get something out of my experiences.

Birthdays:  I am going to start out with my biggest success.   Birthdays.  My children only have birthday parties with their friends until they are school aged.  Birth - 5 years old.  Prime years.  I take pride in these parties & I have gotten better at them.  But, once they are in school... I am not going to duplicate the celebration.  Since I send in cupcakes to school, I really do not need to also have all the class friends over for a birthday party.  They had their cake.   Instead we take the money we would have spent on the party and put it toward some sort of trip.  It might be an up and back trip to Disney World, or it may be a family trip to the local zoo.  It all depends on the budget and the current interest of the the birthday child. 

In Retrospect - I would do absolutely nothing different.  This has been one of our best decisions yet.  At 16, each of our girls will have the option of having a sweet sixteen party or taking the money we'd put into the party & putting it toward their first car.  Their choice.

The Tooth Fairy:  I wish I was the person who came up with the ideas for "not under the pillow" tooth fairy drop off locations.  Sneaking in without waking the kids, or even remembering to do it... is hard.  Especially the more kids you have and the more teeth they lose.  I rarely have cash on me appropriate for dropping off.  This has led to some serious tooth fairy inflation.  My once success is that if a tooth is left for the tooth fairy that has a cavity because of the child being lazy about brushing, she leaves floss, new toothbrush, toothpaste, etc.  But no money.


In Retrospect:  I am a big fan of skipping the under the pillow, and using the alternative methods.  Some use pillows hung on the door.  Others buy these cute little doors at the craft store and mount them on the wall at a baseboard, or at the top of a night stand.  The tooth is left in a little basket on the tooth fairy's doorstep, by morning there is a coin in it's place.  BRILLIANT.  I would also advise any parent to decide what the tooth fairy is going to leave & stock up ahead of time.  Leaving a silver dollar?  Go ahead and hit the bank and get all the silver dollars you'll need.  Going to leave a stash of tooth care supplies?  Keep them in a bin in your closet or under you bed.  Every one of my kids had a tooth fall out that I didn't even know was loose, at least once.  I was not prepared.

New Years Eve:  This is my 50/50 Holiday.  The first tradition I wanted start was taking their photo right after the ball dropped.  Unfortunately, this was not my most successful.  When a new baby would come, I would be too tired to stay up.  Sometimes we'd go out with friends, and we'd miss it.  And, sometimes... I just forgot.  We actually had 1 child before digital cameras were the norm.  I'd forget to buy film or batteries for the flash.  And once you miss a year or two, it's hard to pick it back up.  Our second tradition was only a few years ago... and it has been a huge success.  We even invite others into the mix.  One NYE I do not cook dinner.   I make a smorgasbord of goodies.  It is all of our favorite snacks, cakes, treats and appetizers.  I make it around 6pm and we eat off of it all night long.  I always make sure to have 1 or 2 items per person that is their personal favorite.

In Retrospect - It never dawned on me, when I missed those photos... that I could take one the next day.  I guess that is my OCD coming to play, if I can't do it right... I won't do it at all.  

Valentines:  I can take no credit for Valentines Day.  This is all my husband.  Each year, he buys the girls a Valentines gift.  He places it in their seat, so they find it in the morning before they go to school.

In Retrospect:  I fail at this.  I tried to do it.  I even bought these cute little lady bugs with hearts on them, that you fill each year with a gift on Valentines Day.  I filled them the first year.   I haven't seen them since.

St Patrick's Day:  I know a lot of people who do some very creative things for this holiday.  Leprechaun traps.  Leprechaun pranks.  Parades and festivals.  Heck, I can't even remember to wear green on St. Patty's Day.  In fact, just this year I finally got a cute little shamrock wreath for the the front door.  In due time, I may catch up.

In Retrospect: I wish I did embrace this more.  It relates to our heritage, and I fail at teaching our kids about recognizing our family roots.  I also have seen so many pictures from my friends and heard about the fun things they do.  I really wish I would get more into this holiday.  Perhaps it's because I was overwhelmed with cornbeef and cabbage as a kid. I might be rebelling.

April Fool's Day:  The internet is bursting with fun ideas to do to your kids on April Fool's Day.  Many of them are messy or outside my realm of acceptability, which means my OCD has problems with it.  I don't want to make a mess.  I don't want to tint my whole gallon of milk a color or waste food.  The irony here is that April Fool's Day is also my mother's birthday and I have no problem playing a good prank on her.  I have also gotten a few pranks in on my husband.  But I don't mess with the kids.

In Retrospect:  I wish I would do something on this day, but I really have no desire.  Perhaps this will be a new years resolution for me in 2014.  Play more pranks.  My grandfather would be proud if I did.

Easter:  I can put together a mean Easter Basket.  I can get it out on the table before anyone wakes up.  I can get those eggs dyed.  But I have such a hard time getting them hidden.  I can't ever seem to get up before them.  Despite my best efforts.  Especially with the plans of heading to church and their post service functions.

In Retrospect:  I wish I would have NOT gone the route of dyed eggs.  I could buy some plastic eggs, fill them & tuck them away in the garage.  I'd also avoid "hiding them" and instead just toss them in mass across the yard for more of an Easter Egg Roll (a'la the White House).  This would be far more efficient with time, I could slip out and put the eggs out while the kids are looking through their baskets.  My husband's mom used to skip hiding eggs altogether.  She actually hid the Easter Basket.  This is also an idea I think I should have entertained.

Mother's Day:  On Mother's Day... I really want to just enjoy it.  Do nothing.  I don't want to go out to a buffet.  I don't want to cook.  I don't want to clean.  I want to loaf.  There have been some years where the kids have tried to make me breakfast in bed.  Waking me up.  Ugh.

In Retrospect:  I should be a LOT more appreciative, even when they wake me up.  

4th of July:  We have never had or attended a 4th of July BBQ or event.  We slip outside to watch the fireworks from the yard, and slink back inside.  This probably surprises anyone who knows me and my political side well.

In Retrospect:  I wish we would do SOMETHING.  I am proud of my country, and I want my children to be as well.    

Halloween:  We do a decent job on Halloween. We get the costumes.  Usually a pumpkin or two.  But our decorating is far from anything enjoyable for the kids.

In Retrospect:  I would NOT buy store bought costumes.  Yes this is easier, but I really miss the idea of homemade costumes.  And, once you have set the precedent for store bought costumes, it is hard to get away from it.  Also, I think I would take advantage of the artificial pumpkins they sell at the craft store that you can carve and decorate.  Not only are they generally less expensive than the real ones, but you can add new ones each year.  Adding to a collection but also building up your decorations from year to year.  I'd also dual purpose my decorations so that they last for Halloween and Fall.  Perhaps with a few Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations added in as appropriate.  I also recall from my childhood a family known for having Halloween Parties.  I wish we would have started that tradition.  The good news is that it isn't too late.  

Thanksgiving:  We go.  We eat.  We come home.


In Retrospect, I wouldn't change this.  The kids get to spend more time with their cousins playing and having a good time.  Sure we could do more crafts or talk about what we are thankful for.  I am just glad they are able to spend time with their family.  Some holidays, I think it is good to just relax and enjoy.  

Christmas:  This is the holiday where I think I have bombed the most, but am also actively improving.

Buy a new Christmas Book each year, and read it as part of our countdown to Christmas, with Christmas Eve being reserved for the Nativity Story.   FAIL.  I missed a few years, and now to catch up would cost me a fortune in books.  Especially since when I started it the idea was to give the collection to my daughter when she became a mom. Now that I have 3 daughters... I'd have to buy in triplicate.

In Retrospect:  I could have caught up before it got out of hand, but to be honest... we were horrible about gathering around the tree to read them anyway.  We are not "that kind of family".  We would rather sit on the couch and watch Christmas movies together.  On that we have quite a collection.  I do plan to try this again, when I am a grandma.  We'll see.

Rein in the Christmas Giving.   SUCCESS.  We went from a slew of gifts to a select few.  We give them 1 gift on Christmas Eve (usually something to encourage them to go to bed, new PJ's, pillow pets, etc).  We give them 3 gifts on Christmas Day.  Something they need.  Something they want (usually small $ amount item).  Something they desire (their big ticket item).  And Santa leaves them just 1 gift.

In Retrospect:  I would have stopped giving Santa the glory sooner.  I have moments where I even wonder if I would do Santa at all, if I had it to do over.  But I enjoy the "pretend" and "magic" of it.  I won't lie.  But, I do know that if I were to start our Santa traditions over again... 1) Santa would NOT get a list, he would chose the gift to leave.  2) It would be a handmade (or appear to be handmade) gift... not something they see on tv.  Wood blocks.  Fabric baby dolls. 3) Santa would leave ONE gift, and it would be simple.  My husband works to hard to provide for this family to let some fictional man get all the credit for a slew of awesome gifts.

We also have never missed expressing to our children the importance of celebrating the birth of Jesus.

In Retrospect:  I would put even more emphasis on this.  I also wish I would have encouraged the family to do more volunteer work during this time.  We do encourage giving, participating in the Angel Tree Donations, Operation Christmas Child, etc.  But, I wish I would have encouraged more physical service.