I serve on a leadership team within my church. Last year we began the process of planning a women's retreat this spring. The short story ends with me volunteering to take over the planning and coordination of this retreat. It's one thing to plan an event yourself, it's an entirely different thing to take over what someone else had begun. Logistically, I knew I could do it. I do have a very A type personality, after all.
As I sat and went through the numbers, and the schedule, and the details... I felt confident.
More time would pass, the retreat went from being months away to weeks away, and now days away.
Doubt has entered the building.
It started with the emails and texts coming in, about how excited people were about the retreat.
Then I got the text that would stop me in my tracks:
"Anything you're in charge of... is the best! Above and beyond!!!!"
(and if you are the friend who sent this to me, don't feel bad about saying it... or be mad that I am sharing it.).
What I realized that is through my history of service, I have set a precedent. I always go above and beyond. I always give 110%. I have set an expectation of excellence, and the women who are attending this retreat are not unaware.
I began to doubt, and wonder ...
What if it stinks?
What if everyone is disappointed?
What if I didn't do enough?
What if they don't like the schedule?
What if....
What if....
What if....
Doubt was rearing it's ugly head. And, what made it even worse for me, this has been way too easy. Usually when I put myself into a project it consumes my thoughts, my time, my house, my talents, etc. This project hasn't been like that. It's been so easy to plan & put together... I began to worry that I hadn't done enough.
Was I forgetting to do something?
Did I forget to buy something for the event?
Did I send those emails?
Did I confirm those numbers?
I am waiting for the shoe to drop. That last minute gasp over forgetting some important detail.
You may be thinking, this is your first time planning an event like this. People will understand.
But, it isn't my first time. It's been a long time, yes... but not my first time.
What I have to remind myself is that the reason things are going so well is that God is in charge. God is doing this, not me. He has moved mountains and paved ways to make things happen. This was not my doing. I must remind myself that things which are Kingdom worthy, get done. If I forgot a detail, then it wasn't Kingdom worthy.
Can I live up to the hype?
I don't have to. Because God can, and does.
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