It's been a whirlwind of a year. Things haven't gone exactly as I have planned. I have had my emotional ups and downs. I over committed and over stressed myself. I made some changes, putting things back in balance. Then I looked at my home and thought, I am a failure. In all of this I had let the house get a bit out of control. You won't be seeing me on an episode of Hoarders any time soon, so don't worry about that. However, I could use a dose of "Hoarders" marathons to get me off my kiester and do what I know I need to get done.
I was motivated, at one point. I gave myself two weeks. I would focus on a room per day and viola by the end it would all be caught up and done. I even had a pretty decent start. Knocked out both bathrooms in one day (even using a toothbrush along the baseboards). I started in on the kitchen... and then it happened. I wasn't feeling too well.
By the next day I had come down with what I think has been the worst cold I have had in about 4 or 5 years. In most cases, as a mom, when I get sick I just trudge through it. Going about my day, doing all the things I would normally do. My husband, when he gets sick, sleeps for 2 days and viola he is totally well. I decided to adopt this strategy this time. Perhaps in the past the reason I was sick for so much longer was that I didn't rest, relax and try to allow my body to fight the illness. I would spend the next THREE days in bed. Doing nothing but sleeping.
The end result? I was still sick.
It is now about 2 weeks, nearing 3 and I am somewhat feeling better. I guess my body is not built like my husbands. Rest and relaxation had no benefit on me. And in fact, all it has done is put me even further behind.
If I was being graded in my home keeping skill right now, I know I have earned and F.
When my kids do not do well in school, my first question to them is usually, "Why?". I want to know the reason they didn't do well. Was it lack of effort? A lack of understanding the material or expectations? Circumstances beyond their control? Then, once I have that information, the next questions are usually about the details, followed up with a final question about how they (or we) are going to address it. Finally, we will usually wrap up the conversation with a deadline to get their grades up, and whatever consequences may be applied until they get the grades back up (or in the event they don't).
When I "fail" at my tasks, do I apply these same questions to myself? Do I set a good example for my kids about real life consequences? Sure, in this instance I was (and still am) sick. But that is still an excuse (good, bad or indifferent). What am I going to do about it? What are my consequences until I get it done?
I remember having a conversation with a friend about how we often hold our children up to standards we don't meet. Have you ever gotten on your child's case about their room being a mess, when you room is a disaster area? We can create excuses about why. We have an entire house to clean not just 1 bedroom, and if we didn't have to clean everything else keeping our bedroom clean wouldn't be a problem... right? Or, we have so much on our schedule... sports practices, bible studies, meetings, lunch dates, etc... that we just don't have the time to get to everything, so we prioritize and our bedroom is on the bottom of that list.
If you told your child that they needed to do a better job cleaning their room, and they told you they had too much stuff to keep it clean... what would you tell them?
Probably that if they have too much stuff, then they need to get rid of things to make it more manageable.
If you told your child that they needed to do a better job cleaning their room, and they told you that they didn't have enough time, that they had too many other things on their schedule... what would you tell them?
Probably that if they don't have enough time to keep up with their responsibilities, that they need to drop a few things from their calendars. Perhaps gymnastics and piano lessons is simply too much for them.
Yet, we would hardly tell our selves the same things. I know I don't.
In my mind, I always have more time than I really do. I always think I will make it work, or get to it eventually. Then I end up in a mad scramble because people are coming over unexpectedly, or that planned even snuck up on me faster than I expected. Or, in some instances, my husbands frustration has gotten to the point he actually dares to say something and in my heated Irish temper I go on a mad dash to make it right, which is really an attempt to prove him wrong. Because, it really wasn't that bad.
I will make my excuses. Too much on my schedule. Not feeling well. It's not just my stuff, it his and the kids too. Or the favorite of most of us... "I did clean it, the kids just messed it up again".
I recall the day that I worked so hard in getting the two bathrooms cleaned, like eat off the floor clean. Later that day our cat sat in peanut butter. Yes, you read that correctly. This meant that the cat was going to need a bath. All 3 of my girls volunteered to bath the cat. In the bathroom. I am sure you can see where this is going. Several hours had passed since the "Great Cat Bath of 2012". I don't know if I had avoided that bathroom because somewhere in my subconscious I knew it was going to be destroyed, or if I really expected that my kids would return it to it's previous cleanliness after bathing the cat.
I went in there to start the bath for my youngest, and I walked into Ground Zero. It was as if a small tsunami had come ashore. There was water everywhere, cat hair everywhere, towels and other bathing paraphernalia a strewn across the floor. Mayhem had occurred. I also suddenly understood why bathing the cat was so funny. There was a lot of laughter coming out of that bathroom. And any mom of 3 children with such varying ages as mine knows that you don't interrupt them getting along so well.
I should have known better.
I also broke down in tears. I felt defeated.
I now had a new excuse for why I shouldn't even bother or at least rush to getting things cleaned up. Blame it on the cat.
My eldest came in and cleaned the bathroom up with me, God bless her. Totally on her own, without being asked.
I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew I was making excuses. I knew that it was up to all of us to make a better effort.
It was time for a family meeting, a sit down. We were going to make a plan to keep the house in better order, all the time.
I'll let you know when we finally have this meeting. I think it's been a month.
Again, excuses.
So here it is... the point. I can't make excuses (even if they are good and legitimate reasons). I have to do what needs to be done & make it right. Just as I would expect from my kids. I have to put all unnecessary things aside, until I make it right. Just as I would do with my kids. I have to set the example, practice what I preach, and walk the talk.
It begins now.
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