It wouldn't come as a surprise to many that I have quite a few OCD tendencies. I have never been formally diagnosed, but we do have family members who are. Some could argue, that I am simply difficult or a control freak. Others, would respond that it is pretty obvious. My husband would probably disagree, entirely.
The face of OCD you see on tv or in movies is that person who washes their hands constantly out of a fear of germs. Or, perhaps it is the person who has routines and rituals where they must lock and relock the deadbolt 10 times to ensure it really is locked. If they miss just one time, they will have to start over. Others may view OCD as the person who is the ultimate perfectionist. Their pantries are alphabetized and all labels face out. Everything in their home is labeled, nothing out of place. In all of these instances, they are under a great amount of stress and anxiety when things are not done according to their need/desire.
That is the most stereotypical face of OCD.
Then you watch a show, like Hoarders. In this show you have people who live in the absolute worst conditions. In some cases it is simply the over accumulation of what we think of as "stuff", to the point it has overtaken their living space. In others, we see where the accumulation of all this "stuff" has created damage to the home, or prevented maintenance to the home when damage has occurred (flood, fire, etc). Finally, there are the worst conditions. These are the people who literally find themselves sitting in a home that is so damaged, so disgusting it is condemnable. They literally live in trash, human and animal waste and Lord knows what else.
The premise of the show is that the homes need to be cleaned up and the people need to get help. They bring in a special cleaning crew, they bring in some sort of therapist. And they work through the mess in the home and the mess in the person's head. What is fascinating to many is that often the diagnosis the therapists will apply to many of these cases is OCD. This is a stark contrast to what TV shows and movies illustrate OCD. It is contrary to what many would consider OCD.
One of the interesting things about OCD is the pendulum that these people live with, and I can even say would apply to myself. For a person with OCD there is no "middle ground". They want it their way, or they don't want it at all.
A person with OCD might buy a new car. They will care for that car, love that car, keep it spotless. Until it happens. Until someone spills something in their car that stains. Until a button catches the upholstery on the seats and creates a rip. Until someone scratches the paint. Suddenly their perfect item has become flawed. An immediate disconnect occurs. They no longer care to spend so much effort caring for it, because they can never make it perfect again. (It may only be a perception that it can't be repaired, or it could be that is repairable but they simply don't have the money to make the repair).
A person with OCD might buy a new home. They will take time making sure everything they need has it's perfect "home" and take very good care of their belongings. But then a spouse moves in, children are born, pets are adopted and all of these uncontrollable outside factors live to a different standard or create more mess than can be kept up on, and all the additional stuff just can't be housed. Or, at least not the way they want it to. Or perhaps there is no budget for new furniture and storage solutions. Then the pendulum swings and they give up. Why bother cleaning, why bother seeking perfection... when it isn't going to be right anyway.
It is a my way or the highway mentality. The pendulum swings from motivated to have everything just so, all the way to the other side of not even wanting to bother.
The motivation is lost.
This is a problem we all can and do face regularly. Maybe not so much that you are going to find yourself staring in an episode of Hoarders. But, I would say we all have a moment where we were working towards a goal & we lost our steam. Something tripped us up, something got in the way, something discouraged us from continuing. The motivation was lost. The pendulum has swung. We want to throw our hands up in the air in defeat. We want to toss all the materials in the trash and abandoned our project. We give up.
When the pendulum has swung to the other side, we have two options. The first is we can choose to camp down there. Toss in the towel, accept our defeat. Usually this will equate in us feeling pretty lousy about ourselves, questioning our ability to be successful at whatever task was at hand not only now but in the future as well. It can create depression, affect our relationships with others, and in extreme circumstance affect our lives in very dramatic and potentially dangerous ways (albeit that is rare).
The other choice, is to find the motivation again. You may not be able to rekindle that same exact desire, but you might be able to find a new reason, a new motivation. Perhaps you wanted your home to be perfect, like a model home. That was your motivation. You wanted it to be beautiful for whenever you had company over, you wanted to feel like your home was your castle or sanctuary. The kids came along and now your sanctuary is covered in toys, stray socks and cheerios. You have lost the motivation to create a sanctuary. So you gave up. You are not going to be able to bring yourself back to that same level of motivation. Practicality tells us that our homes are going to be a bit disheveled from having not just kids, but anyone other than ourselves living with us.
To find new motivation, we first have to STOP that pendulum swing. We have to tell ourselves we are not going to allow that to happen. Sit down, look at our situation and actually create a new motivation. Using the above "sanctuary" example, you may decide that your home is just not going to be a sanctuary during these next few years. At least not for you. Ask yourself, "how can I make this a sanctuary for my children? A place they want to live and a place where they will interact with the family". When you start asking yourself questions like this, you begin to disassociate yourself with your negative feelings and create new feelings of hope.
You will begin thinking, planning and focusing on this new goal. The more you ask and plan, the more your motivation will begin to kick back in. And, as you begin to take steps toward achieving these new goals, your motivation will increase as well.
I had wanted to replant an herb garden since my first one was killed off by the neighborhood cats. Planting cat nip was probably not my best idea. We became the neighborhood stoner house for all the outdoor and stray cats. It was ridiculous and I regret that I don't have the pictures to show how bad it really was. The problem I faced was that our budget had changed, and I couldn't afford to go down to the local home improvement store and and buy everything I needed. So I didn't do it. That is the "all or nothing" pendulum of OCD I swing on often. Fact was, if I wanted an herb garden... it was going to be a LONG time before I'd have the budget to do it this way.
One day, I was at the grocery and I needed some mint. To get fresh mint in that little blister pack was $3.79. Or, they had a potted mint plant for $3.59. It had probably 5 times as much mint. I bought it for the value, figuring it would sit on my counter. The next time I went to the grocery, they had beautiful basil plants. Again, I figured I would get one for the counter. What would end up happening is over the next several grocery trips, I would buy one or two herb plants. It was in the midst of this I saw a pin on Pinterest about using crates as above ground planters. My mom had some she was getting rid of, so I called her and picked them up. Next thing I knew I had 5 crates along the front of the house. Over time I built up the soil, planted the herbs I had bought. I had a LOT of room for more herbs. So, I continued buying just one or two at the grocery, or local Home Depot and Lowe's nurseries if I happened to be there.
I didn't wait until I could afford to do it all at once. If I waited, it would have happened but not for several years. Instead I did what I could, as I could. Now I have an amazing herb garden, producing more than enough for my culinary needs and I am sharing with the whole neighborhood.
It was those little steps, getting one here and there, that built my motivation back up. Now, my herb garden isn't quite a "beautiful" as the one I pictured in my head. But, I am ok with that. There is going to come a point that I will begin to work on the structural part of the garden. In the meantime, I will keep getting all the plants I want. When I do begin the structural work, I only have to budget for that. I will have all the plants already and simply transfer them from the crates into their new home. Any empty spots will be filled over time. I am ok with that.
If you have something in your life that you have lost motivation about doing, from cleaning your home to writing the great American novel.... perhaps it is time to change it up. Find a new reason and motivation to keep your home clean (like a weekly book club that meets at your home) or start working on a book of poems. Reigniting your motivation doesn't mean it is going to look exactly the same. Once the fire starts though, it is hard to quench it. Especially when your motivation is based in more realistic expectations than a dream vision. Sure, you may want your house to look like a show pieces published in a magazine; but you may find happiness in making it warm and inviting for the people you invite over.
And, worst case scenario... if your home is getting the best of you, watch a marathon of Hoarders on Netflix. Trust me, you'll either start cleaning up... or stop being so hard on yourself.
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