In continuation of my previous thoughts, I wanted to insert this little snippet of a post. These are more along the lines of tips I have learned through the years.
1) On Schedule. When I was a new mom, I was still embracing my night owl tendencies. I thought it was totally appropriate to put the baby on MY schedule vs. creating a schedule for her. This worked out great for me, during ages Birth - Five. However, this is a decision I would come to regret the year she started school. Even now, as she is getting ready to enter high school in the fall, she stays up late and has a hard time getting up in the mornings. I recognized this mistake in enough time to not repeat it with my other two children. I created a night owl. It's a hard habit to break.
In Retrospect: I highly recommend to parents not just putting their child on a schedule, but putting your children on a "school time schedule" as early as possible. Even if you think you may eventually home school. This will pay off for them and you in the long run.
2) Meal Time. When I was a new mom, I was still figuring out my way. I never had to cook for a family. I didn't really think about what I was feeding my family, because I was repeating the foods I was accustomed to eating. I assumed I was fine, they would be fine. My husband and I both face some health issues, and we are certain quite a bit of it can be related to eating convenience foods growing up. We realized this a little too late. By that point all of our children had been conditioned toward certain convenience foods. Getting them to put away Velveeta Shells and Cheese for homemade Mac & Cheese has not been easy.
In Retrospect: I wish I would have become more concerned about the foods we eat earlier in this journey of motherhood. I also wish I would have been more insistent about variety at younger ages, so that I got less argument at the older ages. I am jealous of my friends who have kids who will eat sushi.
3) Gut Instincts. I grew up in a very sheltered home. My mom was the person who was solely responsible for us kids, every decision was hers and the consequences of those decisions would be hers to live with. She was a bit paranoid and over cautious. This left us kids, me in particular, from enjoying a lot of the things kids get to enjoy growing up. Sleepovers were limited to 2 friends. I only had 1 friend that I could go on vacation with. There were school trips and events I couldn't attend, because she had concerns. I didn't want this for my kids. I wanted them to have friends in the neighborhood. I wanted them to have every opportunity to live their childhood to the fullest where and when I could.
In Retrospect: I wish I would have listened to my gut instincts a bit more. There are some friendships I would have put boundaries on, or put a stop to. I would have kept my middle child back one year, and allowed her to start Kindergarten a year later. I would have pursued my concerns about autism/add/adhd/etc a lot sooner. I also wish I would have put more opportunities in place at our home. We need to have more sleepovers HERE. We need become the house where all the kids want to come. This was our goal. We have failed miserably.
4) Setting Limits. We are a very tech friendly family. Unlike most of our friends, how children have had computer access since they were toddlers. All 3 of my children by the age of 3, could put in a CD and install a new computer game.. entirely on their own. By 5, they were able to log themselves in and playing games that even gave me difficulty in regards to coordination. By 6, they were even playing games online with their dad and his friends. We embraced this because we know that technology is the way of the future, and our children will be well versed. And, we also knew there was nothing they could do to the computer that their dad couldn't fix. Our kids each have their own computer, with specs built according to their needs.
In Retrospect: I wish we would have put some limitations in place. Not because I believe it will rot their brains, and limit "screen time" like some many professionals suggest. I believe that screen time is going to be part of their daily lives as adults... and increasing for generations to come. But, I wish we would have set limits to the actually accessibility of their computers. Setting a reasonable time frame each day that they are allowed on the computer, to ensure they are also spending adequate time on other things. Not rushing through homework, to get online to play a game.
5) What belongs to who? We apply a lot of possessive labels in our home. Which is great for creating boundaries and respect for other people's property. However a sense of ownership and entitlement can accompany that very quickly. For example, with our eldest...it's her cel phone. We gave it to her, called it her phone, etc. Now, she believes that she owns it...and when we have to apply a consequence or limit what she can use her phone for, we get a lot of attitude and argument.
"But, it's MY phone."
In Retrospect: I would have been much firmer in these types of scenarios of making it clear that it is MINE and I am allowing you to use it. In fact, to be entirely honest, in the case of the phone in particular... I would have bought the 3rd phone as a "Kids Phone" and not specifically for my eldest. It would have had a universal storage place in the house, vs. being charged in my eldest daughters room. It would be taken from that spot when any of the kids were leaving the house with us not present. Which, currently is only my eldest, but that will be changing in just a few short years.
6) Cause and Effect. As a young mom, I had a weird notion that I just needed to survive the toddler years. Then when they were old enough, I could just reason with them & expect them to fall in line with the rules. I also thought I could reason with them about discipline and consequences. I am learning even now, with a teenager, that you can't reason with them. At least not the way I envisioned it working.
In Retrospect: I would have loved to have realized this lesson much earlier. It is something that I have been able to correct in my middle child, instill from the beginning with my youngest. But my eldest and I still battle about Cause and Effect, and accepting the consequences of the choices she makes. I would have been much conscious of my discipline techniques and applied them at a much earlier age.
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