Biting My Tongue

 

When I was a young child, I was seated at my grandmother's organ.  She had carpet in her home, and it was very difficult for me to slide the bench back, in order to get up from the organ when I was done.  I was little, so I would just slip down between the organ and the bench.  One day, when I was sliding through the weight on the organ bench shifted and it quickly tilted forward.  It was then, due to being startled by the tilt, that I would let out a small yelp that would coincide perfectly with the momentum from the tilt pushing me face forward into the organ keys.  

I nearly bit off my own tongue.  It is one of those moments from childhood I can recall vividly.  The sound of my chin slamming into the keys, followed by the sound of my teeth slamming together.  Then came the blood.  Lots of blood.  In some ways it probably looked worse than it was, as in these injuries your blood mixes with increased saliva (body response to the injury) and it looks like there is more blood than there really is.  I remember my grandmother bringing me ice wrapped in a towel to numb the pain, stop the bleeding and soak up the blood already lost.  

Afterwards my tongue was a bit swollen, sensitive to certain foods and I admittedly didn't care for talking for a few days after the fact.   

Years later in one of my acting classes we were working on our final scenes and my character was supposed to cry at the end.  As an actress when I was committed to a scene and really understood the character, crying in response to the text in performance really wasn't that hard.  However, this was a different scenario.  I didn't pick the scene.  I didn't pick my partner.  I didn't like the part.  I just wanted to get it over with and get my grade.  I also knew that my teacher was familiar with what kind of work to expect from me, so I knew I was going to have to let the water works flow.

So, I bit my tongue.  I recalled how painful that was as a child.  I felt confident that it would result is some sort of misty teary eyed response that would be adequate enough for my teacher. I was successful.  I was also in pain.  

Biting your tongue is not an easy thing to do.  Almost everyone has that moment where you do it by accident & it hurts really bad.  To actually do it on purpose is entirely different.  Your body knows what you are planning to do, and it anticipates the pain.  I liken it to the fact that we can't tickle ourselves.  Our bodies are prepared in advance for the response to the stimuli.  When one is biting their own tongue on purpose, you have to bite harder in order to get the tears to start.  I'd like to note here, before I continue, this is not something I would advise doing nor is it a "technique" I would ever employ again.  

Figuratively, biting your tongue is even more difficult.  It could be that you have observed something you are in disagreement with and feel compelled to actually speak up about it, even though it isn't any of your business.  Possibly you are in a heated debate with another person and you just have to get in the final word, make your point or beat them into verbal submission.  And then of course there is the reason that has absolutely nothing to do with the other person at all. Rather, it is about your need to justify to yourself your own actions, behaviors or opinions that are entirely wrong, or at least partially incorrect.  

 You find yourself winding down the rabbit hole from a simple conversation to an argument or even broken relationships.  In many cases we can even see what is happening and yet do not have enough self control to stop our mouth from speaking or our fingers from typing another word.  In the end, what did we accomplish.  Nothing more than looking like a fool.

 Proverbs 17:28   Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. 

 Words have tremendous power.  Whether in speech, poem or song, written or spoken, they can create emotion and evoke action.  Yet, despite our knowledge of this, we seem to willingly let the words fly out of our mouths without concern for the consequences.  We do not think before we speak and in the world of the internet it has become even easier to says things to a person we would never say to their face.

 James 3:10  From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

 It is something I am really working hard on for my own self.  I want to tame my tongue.  I want to make sure that the things I say are positive.  I don't want to get into smear campaigns like modern day politicians.  It's not being naively optimistic, but strategically positive.  There are enough people in the world handling all of the negativity, they really don't need my help and frankly I don't want any part of it.  Not any more.  

 Titus 3:2  To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

When we make the choice to see the best in each other, the value in each other, the beauty in each other and the importance of each other... biting our tongue becomes easier.    As your care and concern for each other increases, you become more aware of your words and how they can impact others.  You begin to choose your words more carefully and you also choose your battles more carefully.

If in every potential conflict you asked yourself "will my response be harmful to our relationship?" and /or "is the issue more important to me than our relationship", you may find yourself putting aside your comments to keep the peace.  

A friend and I were recently having a Facebook discussion on the difference between being passionate about a subject or bullying people over the subject. The subject has been weighing on me a better part of today.  What is the difference, how can you tell if you are being passionate or a bully?  I have come to rest upon the following...

Passionate = positive.  Bullying = negative.  

A person who is passionate about a subject not only loves talking about it, but focuses on the positive attributes of the subject.  A person who is passionate about God, is going to speak about God is a beautiful way, making the Lord desirable to others, who has pure concern for the other person's life and their salvation.  A bully is about proving they are right, calling names, being hurtful and focusing on the other person's transgressions over the beauty of a loving God. 

A person who is passionate about a cause is going to be a great representative for the cause.  In politics a passionate person is going to focus their efforts on promoting the successes of their candidate, and not involve themselves in a smear campaign about the other guy.  If you passionate about a good cause you are going to share the benefits of that organization without tearing down the competition or other good causes trying to get support...simply because you think your cause is best.

Proverbs 21:23  Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble

 That all said, when one is engaged in active conversation, it is easy for our tongue to get away from us.

  Proverbs 10:19  When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. 

We begin running off at the mouth, trying to help our cause or prove our point and end up coming off as a fool.  We say things we should have, in the heat of the moment.  We speak without checking our facts.  Or even worse, we speak about things that were trusted to us in confidence.  And, the more we speak, the worse it gets.  Before we know it, it can lead us to a place where we can't take back our words, the pain we caused and irreparable damage has been done. 

This emotional pain stings as badly, if not worse, as when I bit my tongue not just once, but again.  What makes the situation more sad?   We rarely learn our lesson the first time.  We do it over and over again, refusing to see the error in our ways.  In fact, we will often look to the person who was offended and think it is THEIR PROBLEM because they misunderstood us or misinterpreted our meaning.  We blame them for our inability to tame our own tongue.

I'd rather bite my tongue physically forcing myself to stop talking than to continue to allow my words to create pain, discord or ruin relationships.

 Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!