Of course I submit to my husband, as long as he agrees with me.

Biblical submission, it's a hard concept to swallow for many.  Myself included.

Today, my husband caught me off guard and basically put his foot down about a major decision I thought we had already made.  First, I think I was caught off guard because I was under the assumption based on steps we were taken that we HAD made the decision.  I didn't realize it was still being considered.  Second, I was shocked at his reasons.   They appeared so selfish, and frankly he even admitted they were selfish reasons.  Selfishness was never something I would say applied to my husband.

I began to voice my objections.  It was growing more and more obvious that we were sitting on 2 sides of the fence on this subject.  Me, typically optimistic.  Him, typically pessimistic.  Me, confident in my ability, my family's ability, and confident that God was calling us to this decision and would bless it.  My husband not confident in his ability, concerned for our family and not as confident that God was calling us to this decision.  In fact, he really leaned more to the side of "just because it is the right thing, doesn't mean God wants US to do it".

I was slightly broken hearted by this.  Again, going back to his admitted selfishness, because this was something I never expected from him.  Not to mention his voiced concerns about how I would see him from now on.  He was actually concerned about how my opinion of him would change.  Later, as this was no short conversation, he told me "You are a good woman, more than I deserve".

It's hard for me to submit to my husband's authority.  Especially when I feel deep in my heart that this is the right thing.  I even pulled a card from our Pastor and said to my husband... "I don't want to be accountable to God for not doing what he called me to".  I admit it, I hoped that would spark a change in his opinion.  But also, I love my husband.  I don't want him to be accountable for this to God either.

I'll be honest, I am still not assured that my husband is right.  But I told him that I would submit to his decision on this.  It's hard because I see the Lord's affirmation left and right.  If I described it to you, you would probably get goosebumps.  I did, still do.

Ultimately though this decision does lay with my husband, regardless of my feelings and opinions.  This type of thing has happened before (although not on such an emotional decision) and his decision was right.  I know that my husband loves me, loves our family and any decision he makes is for our best interest (in his opinion).  Which leads me to ask... is he really being selfish?  Perhaps a little.  But mostly he is looking out for our family, and our relationship as a couple... and he is looking out for me.  He knows me well enough to know that I think I can save the world, even if it means sacrificing myself at times (well my sanity any way).

I want to throw a temper tantrum.  I want to tell him that he is wrong.  I want to tell him that he is going to let God down.  I want to tell him that he is going to let specific people down.  I want to tell him that he isn't setting a good example.  I want to tell him a lot of things.

Exodus 14:14 (ESV)

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

This argument or disagreement is no longer between my husband & I.  I have shared my opinions and beliefs, I can talk until I am blue in the face but it won't change his mind.  I need to allow God to work on him, or on me.  Perhaps this isn't what God wants, perhaps I am looking for affirmation and making it "fit" to better my stance on the decision.  Either way Proverbs tells us a few times that it's better for a man to be alone than to have a nagging and quarrelsome wife.  I would rather be with my husband, thank you very much.  This decision isn't worth destroying my marriage or jeopardizing my family over (if my husband is correct in his beliefs).

I could say a lot of things, but I choose to be silent.  He knows what I am thinking, he knows my decision.  It's now between him & God, I just need to be silent.  And I will.

Proverbs 21:2 (NIV)

"A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart."

In this case, one of us is right.  I have to trust that God will reveal that to us.  If I continue to press my decision, my will upon him, it will create more strife.

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV)

"Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity."

The Lord must lead us now.  I have confidence in my husband that he will make the right decision.  I have confidence that God will honor my obedience.   

UPDATE:  I learned a huge lesson in obedience here.  Being obedient to God.  I am going to be writing a follow up to this in the near future, and when I do, I'll link it here.