One of the greatest things about the seasons is the change they bring with them. Living in S. Florida, I admit to not seeing a lot of the physical changes. We don't have massive amounts of trees blushing in fall hues. And, to be honest, temperature wise there is a not a huge difference between Summer and the first part of Fall. For me, there is a feeling of "relief" that springs. Once the first day of fall arrives, I know that relief from the heat it coming soon. I know that relief from the kids school schedules will also be coming, as the calendar pages move closer to holiday breaks. I can feel the change in attitudes for the holidays too. The kids get excited about Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas too. Things seem lighter and brighter in so many ways.
We are eager for these changes. However, life occasionally throws us a curve ball and we are faced with changes that are hard. The ones that make a knot in the pit of our stomach, that reduce us to a sopping wet mess of tears, or burn with anger.
I think it has been about 9 days since I wrote anything here, but in those 9 days we have faced a lot of changes. In our home and in our church. Some have been amazing, and others have been heartbreaking. I don't pretend to understand God's ways. I have not been made privy to his "big picture" on certain events and people. I wish I did. I wish I could see the glory before the fall. It would be so much easier to cope with changes when we can see the outlying benefits. In these times we are left to our faith, the hope and promises that God has given us through His word that everything will turn out just fine.
In my years of ministry involvement, every time I feel as if I am beginning a friendship with someone that could be my Titus 2 woman (my teacher, my mentor) the Lord moves them on. It is hard for me to not sit at home, pouting, and be angry with God. I want to scream out "Why do you bring these women into my life just to take them away!". In fact, I have determined that if I ever want to keep a person like this in my life I need to stop inviting them out for lunch. I get about 2 lunch dates in and then the Lord moves them on. It's the jinx, lunch dates.
I realize the Lord is doing something good with them, and they will move on to a place that needs them more than I do. In my selfishness, I can only think of myself. I wasn't finished with that relationship yet. When I became a Christian, I lost about 98% of my friends. I was alone for a long time. I grew tired of being alone. I involved myself in so many places and things at the churches we have attended over the years, trying to fit in... trying to find those kindred spirits... trying to find friends.
It was in a recent mental rant about this scenario in my head, I was convicted.
Stop focusing on the friendships you want to have, and embrace the ones you do.
There have been people who have reached out to me for playdates and lunches and things, and I have turned them down. I was pursuing friendships with others. For whatever the reason I was drawn to them, and I wanted that friendship. Deeply. What I was neglecting was that there was someone, who was looking at me in that same light. I have been seeking my Titus 2 woman... and not realizing that I was that woman for someone else.
I am not suggesting that I have grown spiritually to the point that I don't need a Titus 2 woman in my life, to mentor me. That would be arrogant, and a flat out lie, if I said it. I have a lot of growing to do. Frankly I never want to be so confident in my spiritual life that I don't think I need to learn from anyone else. I can't say that by becoming a Titus 2 woman, that means God will stop moving these ladies out of my life. I do know that each of them, in the time we were together impacted me in a huge way. They moved on because the Lord needed them somewhere else, to touch someone else as they did me.
Proverbs 11:14
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
I am not alone. I always have God.
I am not alone. I have my husband and my children & our extended family.
I am not alone. I am surrounded by a loving church family.
I am not alone!
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