Branding Yourself a Christian....

Have you ever been driving down the road or pulling into a parking lot (or drive through) and the car in front of you has any of the following:

A sticker representing their church.
A 3D christian fish symbol.
A religious anti-abortion bumper sticker.
A decal of a piece of scripture.

And you noticed this only because that person was:

Speeding and dodging through traffic.
Tossing their trash out the window.
Road raging at the elderly driver ahead of them going below the speed limit.
Giving the "bird" signal to someone who cut them off.
Being rude to the person taking their order at the drive through.
Yelling at their children in the car who are acting up.

When you take the bold step to put a sticker identifying yourself as a Christian, it's like being branded.  You are letting everyone you come in contact with (directly or indirectly) that you belong to Christ.  And when we act in an un-Christ like manner, what do you think people think of us?

They call us....

Hypocrits.

1 Peter 2:12 (ESV)
Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.

If you are going to make the bold step in branding yourself a Christian, for the world to see... whether by marking your vehicle, getting a religious tattoo or standing out on the street corner proclaiming the word... it is important to remember that the world is watching you.  And, how you behave toward them and others they witness...will determine not only how they see you.  It will also affect how they see me, and any other Christian they come in contact with.

I am NOT the boss.

Since I was a small child, I have been a bit of a boss. Some would say it is my Irish heritage, others would say that I am like my grandmother. The fact of the matter is, I can be bossy. Really bossy. A fact I have spent years trying to correct. Couple my inherent bossiness with my need for justice, and I am a force to be reckoned with. A great example of this, will take us on a journey to about 10 years ago.

I was working in direct sales & I was doing really well in the company, leader over my entire state. I also and had a very good relationship with the owner of the company.    We were getting ready for a large training event, and I sincerely disagreed with a decision the owner had made. I confronted the owner about it. I continued the disagreement with her over the issue to the point we had to have mediation through a neutral third party.

It was during a women's conference, about a year later, that in a single moment truth hit me. Who was I? Who was I to think I could tell this woman how to run her company? Right or wrong, this was not MY company. I had no right to expect her to bend to my demands.  I came home and immediately drafted a letter of apology to her. It had nothing to do with my feelings about the decision, but everything to do with me taking accountability for my actions. She graciously accepted my apology & our relationship began to heal over time.

Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

In my situation, I certainly felt I was right. Sometimes though it is not about being right, it is about being wise.   I made poor decisions on confronting the owner, poor decisions on how to react to her stance & in the end poor decisions on my part on how to proceed further.   The deeper I allowed myself to get into the argument, I became angry & I gave full vent to that anger. I made it personal, I elevated the situation and ultimately I brought us to the point of mediation. If I were wiser at that time, I would have tempered myself and my tongue.

Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Once I was able to realize my error, I was able to make amends. But, what was a strong relationship was going to take time to heal. It was a hard lesson to learn, but once you learn such a lesson you strive to not repeat the same mistake again.

God wants us to approach situations with wisdom and not foolishness.

Two women were before King Solomon, each claiming a child as their own. Solomon ordered the child to be cut in half, then each woman would be given half of the child. The true mother could have continued to argue that the child was hers. She would have been right, but her decision would have cost the life of her son. Instead, she opted to make a wise decision. She told Solomon to spare his life and give him to the other woman. It was through this wise decision on her part, that Solomon knew who the real mother was. The woman who put aside being right, and instead spared the life of the child. (A Wise Ruling 1 Kings 3:16-28)

Can you think of a time where your quest to be right, cost you more than you would have gained?

How can you rectify this past occurrence, or prevent it from happening again?

Heavenly Father, I ask you today to guide my words. Guide me to fight the good fight and to turn the other cheek. Help me to discern between being wise and being right. Let me find peace in times of strife & help me to find the path to restoration in relationships my decisions may have damaged. Through you I can forgive and be forgiven. Amen.

* Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog

Full Scale Invasion

 

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.  For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take thought captive to obey Christ.

                                                                                                            2 Corinthians 10:3-5

When you read the above scripture, I am sure you are getting a mental image of those of whom we may come up against as Christians.   You will most likely assign this scripture to the non-believer, living in your home... at your workplace... or the stranger on the corner you just encountered.  You probably wouldn't expect this to apply to our interactions with a believer.  If you are a parent, you will.  Because one day your teen just might be this person.

For us it started on a Sunday morning with a teenager who simply didn't want to get up early and go to church.  I remember being a teen and loving my sleep, I still do.  I remember giving my mom a hard time about getting up.  I don't know why I expect any different from my own child.  But I do.  

What would happen of the course of the next 40 minutes of getting dressed time, and then travel time to church was an unfriendly exchange.    Here is just a sampling of some of it:

"When you are no longer living under my roof, then you can sleep in on Sundays.  As for now, I am accountable for you & when I meet God... I don't want to have to answer for not waking your butt up on Sunday mornings".

Not my most proud moment.

"Church has a purpose, it is a place where we learn more about God, and ourselves."

Better.

"What if I don't want to learn anymore about God?"  (retorts my teen)

This was the turning point & would build into an argument that lasted until we pulled into the church parking lot.

What a great way to start our Sunday morning.  Angry.  Frustrated.  Defeated.  Unsure.  Sad.

The goodness from this morning was that later, there was restoration.  My teen came to me & admitted she was just tired and cranky.  This is what I have come to understand to be the equivalent of "I am sorry".  She took responsibility.  I apologized (actually used the word sorry) about allowing my temper to get the better of me.

It was this particular day that would bring me to the realization that I can't be my daughter's Holy Spirit.  My daughter accepted Christ as her Savior and was baptized several years ago.  I know that in her heart she loves God, but she is rebellious and a boundary pusher.  Just like her mom.

So, I started to back off some.  Trying to be an example.  Taking the chances to talk when they would come up.  And they do come up.

Then I was reminded one day of how argumentative I would get with my sister, when she would talk about God.  I would get into some fairly heated discussions with her.  She was 10 years older than I, she came to Christ when I was in middle school and honestly by high school I didn't get it.  

I wasn't raised in the church.  I didn't understand God.  I just understood a rule book, where the rules were set by a domineering "higher power".

My sister was able to destroy my arguments and lofty opinions, she had knowledge of the Word to back her up.  But was very resistant for a long time, for reasons now I understand to be fear of condemnation.  At that time I had no understanding that grace and mercy existed or what "salvation" really was.

It came to me only recently, that I was taking a very passive seat to my daughter's relationship with God.  I was praying the prayers that mother's pray....

"Lord soften her heart toward you, help her to see that you are God and want what is good for her.  Keep her from harm, bring her to a place where she can not deny you, and allow her to find good friends that help and not hinder her.".

I was asking God to be gentle with her heart.  

Only now I realize that as a mom, I want more than that.

Ephesians 6 has us putting on the armor of God.  This is not just defensive armor, but also offensive armor.  This is being ready to stand firm & not be moved... but also to advance forward.  I realized that I needed to take action.

That is when I began my prayers for an invasion.  

I have begun praying that God will invade my daughters heart.  Not gentle knocking, but door pounding.  For her to be unable to deny Him, for her to not be able to keep that door shut because He is already in there.  I want a full scale invasion of her mind, body and soul.

I am willing to fight for her relationship with God.  I am not going to push her so hard that she runs away from "religion" traumatized... but I am going to be more intentional, more ambitious in sharing the Word and God with her, and stand firm in the convictions of this family.

Lord invade her heart, so that there is no room for anything but you.

And while you are at it.... invade mine too.

And my husband's.

And our other children's.

Amen.

Can I Live Up to the Hype????? Doubt is rearing it's ugly head.

I serve on a leadership team within my church.  Last year we began the process of planning a women's retreat this spring.  The short story ends with me volunteering to take over the planning and coordination of this retreat.  It's one thing to plan an event yourself, it's an entirely different thing to take over what someone else had begun.  Logistically, I knew I could do it.  I do have a very A type personality, after all.

As I sat and went through the numbers, and the schedule, and the details... I felt confident.

More time would pass, the retreat went from being months away to weeks away, and now days away.

Doubt has entered the building.

It started with the emails and texts coming in, about how excited people were about the retreat.

Then I got the text that would stop me in my tracks:

"Anything you're in charge of... is the best!  Above and beyond!!!!"

(and if you are the friend who sent this to me, don't feel bad about saying it... or be mad that I am sharing it.).

What I realized that is through my history of service, I have set a precedent.  I always go above and beyond.  I always give 110%.  I have set an expectation of excellence, and the women who are attending this retreat are not unaware.

I began to doubt, and wonder ...

What if it stinks?
What if everyone is disappointed?
What if I didn't do enough?
What if they don't like the schedule?
What if....
What if....
What if....

Doubt was rearing it's ugly head.  And, what made it even worse for me, this has been way too easy.  Usually when I put myself into a project it consumes my thoughts, my time, my house, my talents, etc.  This project hasn't been like that.  It's been so easy to plan & put together... I began to worry that I hadn't done enough.

Was I forgetting to do something?
Did I forget to buy something for the event?
Did I send those emails?
Did I confirm those numbers?

I am waiting for the shoe to drop.  That last minute gasp over forgetting some important detail.

You may be thinking, this is your first time planning an event like this.  People will understand.

But, it isn't my first time.  It's been a long time, yes... but not my first time.

What I have to remind myself is that the reason things are going so well is that God is in charge.  God is doing this, not me.  He has moved mountains and paved ways to make things happen.  This was not my doing.  I must remind myself that things which are Kingdom worthy, get done.  If I forgot a detail, then it wasn't Kingdom worthy.

Can I live up to the hype?

I don't have to.  Because God can, and does.

Do you need a hug?

When your child enters the teenager years, things get weird.  That little girl who wanted your opinion, now wants you to butt out.  That sweet face that would light up and tell you story after story, turns away and has nothing to say to you. The endless questions are asked of their friends, you are no longer an authority on everything.  Hugs and kisses are rarer than finding a diamond in your backyard.  Secrets are no longer shared.  I love yous are not returned.  In fact, often they can't even manage to sit in the same room as you.

It's a new road in the journey of motherhood.  This one you walk alone.

And then one day it happens.

You realize that deep below the surface, they still care.

For me it occurred on two specific occasions.  The first was when her friend ran away from home.  I called her, because we were concerned that her friend might show up to meet her at her school.  When I was getting ready to hang up with her, I said... "I love you"... and she replied "I love you too".  My heart soared.

I believe this was one of those moments where the uncertainty of her friend's well being reminded her of how much family loves each other, and how important kids are to their parents and relatives.  She knew that if I was showing this much concern for her friend, how much more would I show for her.

The second time was just this past week.  Some back story here is that my husband has a history of attempting to be funny, when he really isn't.  And often, too often, his attempts end up getting me hurt.  On this particular day, we had a snake in the yard.  We were attempting to locate the snake once we got the kids in the house.  We wanted to know if it was poisonous or not.    After we had determined it wasn't & were preparing to head back in... he thought it would be funny to throw something at me... as if he were throwing the snake.

His plan was doomed to fail.

1) I am not afraid of snakes.  So, I wouldn't be scared of it.
2)  He is deathly afraid of snakes.  So, I know he wouldn't actually pick one up.

As I turned  to give him the "eye of disbelief"... I realized what he had thrown at me.  A tube of lanscaping fabric.  When I put my arm to block it from hitting my face, the side whipped around and hit me square in the eye.

I was angry.

I was very upset with him, not about trying to be funny... not even because I got hurt... but because this is what always happens.  His attempts result in my getting injured.  At some point, he should realize that he just needs to stop.

I was angry that he just hadn't figured this out.  I was tired of getting hurt.

I came inside the house and went to our bedroom.  I just needed to be away from him.  My oldest came into the room to ask me a question.  She saw me crying, asked what happened.  I told her what her father had done, and that I was really mad at him & I needed to cool down.  Then she spoke the words I had longed to hear...

"Do you need a hug?"

Mothers, do not be discouraged on those days when your child suddenly becomes "too big" for hugs and kisses and I love yous.  Despite what they project on the exterior... if you have provided them with years of love and care, inside they do love you.

They hug you in those moments, they laugh with you in others.  They shine in the moments when you need them.  They show their love when they compliment your cooking, or that shirt you are wearing.

They say "I love you" in a new way.  Sometimes it is not audible.  Instead, it is the sag in the couch when the sit down to watch tv with you.

Domestic Partnership - Part 2 : What do we do from here?

Have you ever been in that position where you husband calls you up to announce someone is coming over for dinner that night, or even the next day for a visit.  You go into a panic because the house is a disaster.  You get angry that he would be so inconsiderate.  We instantly put blame on him, but we have to ask ourselves why this is a problem.  If I am a stay at home mom, the house should be clean for company anyway.  Right?

If you are rolling your eyes at me, please note that I am speaking from a place of experience.  I have before and even to this day been guilty of this scenario.  Right now, if someone where to show up at my door unexpectedly... I would probably pass out.  In fact, my husband got out of bed and began cleaning up the house a bit today.  My first thought (and question to him) was "who is coming over and when?".

If this is our job, why are we not doing it?

I think there are a ton of possible answers.  Perhaps the vacuum is broken, and you can't afford the repair or you are waiting for the part to arrive.  Maybe you are exhausted from your kids busy schedule and just haven't gotten to it yet.  Or perhaps, you have moments like me.  Where you turn to your husband and say something like "I have been picking up this house and cleaning up after you and the kids for thirteen years.  I do not get sick days.  I do not get vacation days.  There is no one to pick up the slack when I am behind.  Sometimes I just want a day to DO NOTHING."

What really occurred in that statement, each and every time I say it, is a lot of truth and a lot of excuse.  I am admitted to the fact I shirked my responsibilities.  I am honest about my feelings.  But I am also setting up a scenario that will basically earn me a pass for not doing my job.

Imagine if my husband walked into work one day, sat down at his desk, laid his head down and took a nap.  His boss walks in and confronts him.  What do you think would happen if my husband said... "I have worked my butt off for this company for 15 years.  I have worked as much as 12 days in a row with only a single day off, only to do another 12 again ... FOR MONTHS.  I have arrived home three hours late every night for the last month due to mandatory over time. Sometimes I just want a day to DO NOTHING."

He would be fired.

I should be fired.

If I can't get a day off to do nothing, it is because I didn't plan for it.  I could make sure I get all my chores done before Saturday rolls around.  I could budget for lunch and dinner as take out, so I don't have to cook. I could buy paper plates and cups, so that I don't have to do dishes.


Truth is, this is our job.  We need to do it.  We need to do it effectively.  We need to not shirk our responsibilities.  We need to not make excuses.  We chose this role in our life.  I could go back to work, and send the kids to after school programs, hire a nanny or housekeeper.  I chose to stay home.  I chose to care for it.  If someone shows up unexpectedly or I wasn't given enough notice by my husband... this isn't HIS problem.  It's mine.  Because I allowed myself to fall behind.

Perhaps I have too much on my plate.  If my house is falling apart, because my schedule is too full doing for others.  I need to cut back.  My family comes first.  If something needs to be repaired or replaced & we don't have the funds for it, I should see if I can borrow one from someone.  That isn't an excuse to do nothing.  Would you NOT do your dishes because your dishwasher broke?

I also need to remind myself daily to change my heart.  Yes, my husband does get days off.  But he works hard.  Really hard.  Today I went for a 20 minute run at 9:30am.  I was DYING when I got home.  It was hot and humid, 80 degrees outside.  Yet my husband works in this (outside) every day, for 8-10 hours... on days that the temps reach the high 90s and the humidity makes it feel like it is over 100 degrees.  Yes, he deserves a day off.

I also have to change my heart about him forgetting to do those little things I ask of him.  Why?  Because to me, my RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND is more important than a to do list.  If he forgets to take out the trash each night, I can get angry and resent that.  It builds.  The as he forgets to do something else, I add it to the list.  Which ends up in an argument where I tell him he never does anything I ask, bullet pointing out each and every failure, and usually in defense he will remind me of how imperfect I am.  This boils up to an argument that results in hurt feelings, broken relationship, and rarely is solved.

At one point, I decided I'd rather take the trash out than be mad at my husband.

Too many marriages have ended in divorce over little petty things like taking out the trash, leaving the cap off the toothpaste and laundry outside of the hamper.  Too many marriages have ended because of what a person did and didn't do vs. WHO they were and HOW they loved.

Over the years I have learned that my husband shows his love to me by buying me little things that he thinks shows that he pays attention to me.  For example, when I took up running.  He bought me a water bottle.  When he stops at a convenience store on the way home, he'll pick me up my favorite drink.  They are not diamonds and furs.  But, to him, they say... I know you, I love you and I remember these things about you.  To me, that is worth more than gemstones.

I am ok with "gender roles".  I am ok with something being more male or more female in nature.  I am also ok with breaking those roles.  I LOVE cars, for example.  I can spend hours at a car show without batting an eye.  Each relationship has to come up with the terms of that partnership.  Who is going to do what.  What are the expectations of each person.

Have you ever asked your husband... "what are your expectations of me as your wife..."  or "now that I am a stay at home mom, what are your expectations... what is important to you?". In return, let them know what is important to you, what your expectations are.

I haven't.  I plan to.  You may even find that you are wasting your time doing things around the house he could care less about.  It could be the things that are the most important to him, are the ones that are the easiest to do.  You will only know if you ask.  and, what your husband expects of you... will NOT mirror what your friend's husband expects of her. 

It's all about how you are going to look at your life.

Is staying home to raise your children a chore, or a gift?
Is having a nice home an inconvenience or a blessing?
Is your relationship with your husband important, or does your "honey-do list" trump it?

And, more importantly, look at your behaviors, your attitudes, your choices, and your excuses....

and ask yourself... what would GOD think about this?

You want a bigger home with more storage?  Will God bless you with that, when you are not taking care of the one he gave you now?

Do you want more children?  Will God bless you with that, when you are neglecting or unable to manage the ones you have now?

If you can not be content with what God has given you, if you cannot be responsible and good stewards with his gifts and blessings... why would he give you more?

Domestic Partnership breaks down when there is a lack of contentment.  You want more.  You want better.  You want change.  But in a relationship, it's not all about what YOU want.

The Love of Money

 

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.
Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith
and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10

I have a guilty pleasure, I watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. At first it was out of curiosity, I wanted to know what their lives were really like. How wonderful must it be to have all that money, all of those resources to draw from. What I realized, very quickly, is that their lives are not all that wonderful.

I remember growing up as a kid, not having a lot of money. We would often play the “if money was no object” game, or “if I won the lottery” game. We would talk about the things we would buy, the people we would help. There was an illusion that by having more money all of our problems would be resolved. Life would be better. We would be happier.

That is so far from the truth. In watching the Real Housewives I have learned:

• You can have all the money in the world, and your husband will still cheat on you.
• You can have all the money in the world, and your business can still fail.
• You can have all the money in the world, and still be depressed and driven to addiction.
• You can have all the money in the world, and still have a dysfunctional family.
• You can have all the money in the world, and not have any authentic friendships or relationships.
• You can have all the money in the world, and still be alone and lonely.
• You can have all the money in the world, and it still isn't enough to make you happy.

Money doesn't solve your problems. Money doesn't make you happier. Money doesn't guarantee you will be spared trouble. Because, money has no power. God has power.

God gives us all the resources we need to get through this life. There are no promises that we won't struggle, but we know that we will not struggle alone. God fills our spirit, develops our character. God helps us define who we are & who we become.

I can have all the money and resources in the world, but without God.... I am bankrupt.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Be challenged this week to not think about how your life could be different “if only you had more...” and instead examine what you have, and how you could better use it for His glory.

*Written by Gena McCown for the TC3 Women's Ministry Devotion Blog